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sunflower
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day. 'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'3) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20 metres away?''Well,' replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.'4) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.5) Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out. The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in. Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'A Good Joke about a husband.A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, ma' am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'No he didn't . He just walked in the door.'Classic short and sweet jokeWhere's the English Channel? I don't know - our television doesn't pick it up.Sherlock Holmes - Elementary Dear WatsonSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.''What does that tell you?'Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.' Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'¤Two Good Jokes that have stood the test of timeThe American and the Welsh farmersAn American farmer was on holiday in Wales. He could not resist exploring the hill farms north of Aberystwyth. At lunch time he dropped into a pub and fell into easy conversation with a Welsh farmer.'How big is your spread?' , asked the American. 'Well look you, it's about 20 acres he said' . Only 20 acres the American responded, back in Texas I can get up at sunrise, saddle my horse and ride all day, when I return at supper time, I'll be lucky to cover half my farm'. ' Dew dew' , said the Welshman, 'I once had horse like that, but sent him to the knackers yard.'Windy?Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' No, 'the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' The third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'This will rot more than your teethThe hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water. However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'One-liners - Deliberately Chosen to Give Variety and SurpriseReagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead War Dims Hope for Peace. (Newspaper headline) If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?In a packed programme tonight we will be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.'I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already. Include your children when baking your cookies. (Newspaper leader)'I hate music, especially when it's played.' - Jimmy Durante Difficult LandingThe airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a - ' Thanks for flying XYZ airline' .An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma' am, 'said the pilot, 'What is it' , the little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'Out of the mouths of babes (So often the source of a good joke)A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'Sarah replied, 'They will in a minute'P.S. Please write to Will and Guy if you have any good jokes |
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twistyblackrose
Joined: 13 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:58 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| lol lol lol theres some good ones in there and thats all of them thanx hun hahahaha |
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vivianbartel
Joined: 03 Mar 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:03 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| Lol. |
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walterc
Joined: 09 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 6:09 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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Lol, these are pretty good!  |
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Unliniprainty
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 4
Location: Russia
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| i loved them100!star |
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sweetpea21
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:19 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| i like these |
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torokilopok
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 1
Location: uk
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:25 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| I clicked on out of curiosity, and am glad i did, brought a smile to my face, (and that takes some doing) very good |
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two_little_dicky_birds
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 10:30 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| lol |
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sparkleythings_4you0522
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 11:36 pm Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| I'm so glad I clicked this. those are VERY good. lol I was cracking up. thanks a ton for putting these up here!! |
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welshlizard
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:41 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| Very good!!! |
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timoid
Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
Location: Green Hills, Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 1:47 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| Great selection - thanks for that, still laughing. |
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TaLLady
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 2:52 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| They were all great. Can´t stop laughing. I recon we had the best 5 points worth ever. Well done and only one word left.......MORE |
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WAMMARAUNASHY
Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Dominican Republic
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 3:58 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| Cheers that was ace! |
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woognivix
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
Location: EG
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| Some great ones here 10/10Hav a star |
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TrixieL
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:08 am Post subject: ¿♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| hahahalolvery good |
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