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раскрутка
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Posts: 9
Location: Россия
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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:11 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| My mother in Law and I have had our ups and downs. But for the most part we've gotten along since my DD has been born. To my face she acts like everything is great anyway. But she has been given me these weird presants I can't get over. Well we just moved back from FL. And we got our new Apartment so we can save up money for a new house. Well we have a washer and dryer but there is no where to store it at my apartment. So it's at my sisters. And here in the apartment building they have coin laundry. (this is important later) Well one day my DD had caught the flu. And for about 7 days all i did was care for my daughter. I let my house get all messed up. My dishes pile up. And my laundry. Well my DD got sick on a friday and Weds. she was better. Well my MIL wanted to through us a party for coming home. On the next Friday. And she wanted to have it at my house and she said she would order some food. Well I cleaned my whole house spotless. Except my bedroom. I didn't have time to do all that laundry. Well for some reason she went in my bedroom and i didn't know it. Well a couple days later she said she saw my room and was wondering if i needed a babysitter so i could clean it. And i said no. I already cleaned it. I was just behind with my DD being sick. Well christmas time came. And she got my DH some clothes. My BIL a tool. His wife a huge beautiful picture. My DD a savings bond. And she got my a step stool. And a roll of quarters with a note saying may i help with laundry. WEIRD! I didn't know what the step stool was for i never said i needed one. But the quarters I felt was kinda rude. But then i thought maybe she just didn't know what to get me. Weeks later i was asking her about the savings bond. Because it didn't come with any paper work. And i was just curious about a couple things. She said in 10 years it would double itself. And 20 years it would triple ect... Well I said I would never cash it. (Meaning me and my husband) But when my DD feels the need to after she is 18 could she go to any bank? And she said you can't cash it. It's not under your name. It's under my son's and my grand daughters. So you wouldn't be able to. It made me feel like she put it under just there name incase my dh and I ever broke up. And I didn't like the way she said that. Then My birthday came around. And she got me a garbage can with a lid. And a subscription to light and tasty magazine. when i opened the magazine the first thing it said was how to diet with light and tasty. I'm not even that fat. I mean I could lose a few pounds but i'm not overly over weight. And the trash can WTF is that. So it made me wonder is there any meaning behind her presants? I would never give anyone a trash can and a diet magazine. Unless i wanted a new trash can but i never said anything like that. It made me feel bad. And then for my daughters birthday I was helping her opening up presants. and then my MiL asked who that was from every presant. And if it was from me and my husband i would say me. I ment us but i would say me. And then she corrected me and said don't you mean from us. So then after that i was saying us. And then after everyone left and she was still here. She looked at all the toys and then looked at me and was like you are very spoiled. And i was like how am i spoiled. And she said look it all those toys. And I said there my DD toys so she is spoiled but not me. And she said Who bought them all. And I said we did. And she said but who paid for them. (I am a stay at home mom) and I said we did. And she rolled her eyes. These are some of the bad things that have happend that make me thinks she secretly doesn't like me. But besides all this she is normally really nice to my face. One time i heard her talking behind my back to her sister, but that is a whole nother story. Do you think i am looking into my presant to far and she just gets me weird things. Or do you think she secretly hates me. and is being mean. I know if i ever said anything to her she would be like Oh my god what are you talking about. I just figured you needed that. No they don't have a meaning. And i would feel like i was crazy. And i don't want to feel un greatful. Am I crazy. Or does she hate me. Tell me what you think about everything. Because if she is meaning to be mean i don't think i should be that nice to her anymore. and shouldn't buy her great gifts. |
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Daniel4411
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 7:15 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| idk your thing was too long to read so i didnt but probably all mother i laws hate their daughter in law from taking away their baby boy cuz you'll always be your parents baby |
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Daniella2289
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:19 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| don't feel bad. I once got an umbrella. I told her not ge me anything ever again. To spend that money on MY kids.She sounds jealous. your husband needs to step in |
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Daniella2289
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 9:23 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| She's mean. Call her on the meanness when she does it, but as far as the gifts are concerned, just chalk it up to the fact that her blood is not running through your veins. As far as her not liking you, it doesn't look like a big secret to me. It's obvious that she doesn't think you're a good enough wife to her son, or mother to her granddaughter. Sorry for you. You won't be able to change her, but she may be a lot more cautious if you let her know you're on to her not-so-subtle obnoxiousness regarding your housekeeping skills. |
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DaneJ
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:27 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| I don't think she hates you at all. My mother is the same way to my husband she buys him worthless stuff that hes never going to use. Stuff like you mentioned above. I stepped in and asked my mother if it was because she just didn't like him. She told me that was not the case at all. Him not being her child she didn't know what to get him, and that the stuff she got him we could use around here. Kind of like at weddings when you get all new stuff for your house and yall, but all the time instead of just at your wedding. I would maybe talk to her and see if she has a problem with you or have your husband do so. If not then I would just go with it, maybe you didnt ask for those things but hey just think of it as new stuff for the house to replace the old ones. Good luck. |
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Danielle1779
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| In-law relationships are difficult because you are thrown together not by choice...except for choosing whom you married. You come from different backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, and values. Try to remember that your inlaws loved and raised your hubby and they have a special place in his heart. He is a part of them, whether you like it or not and when you do and say awful things to them, you hurt him too.Remember that MIL's were mommys who have had their children in their lives for many many years and have grown very attached to them in the process. They can't be expected to forget that part of their life and toss it aside like a cheap raincoat. If they don't treat you very nice, maybe its because they feel you don't take their feelings into consideration. I think most MIL's want to have a good relationship with their DIL's, but it takes two willing people to make it work. Try to treat her the way you want to be treated...for someday you too will become a mother-in-law. |
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Daniel
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:35 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| You definately had a lot to say. I know what I am about to say may sound crazy but please hear me out. Get your feelings off of your chest. Call her up and ask her out to lunch (just you and her) While there please talk to her about how she makes you feel. Do not bring up anyone else but you and the treatment she gives you and the way it makes you feel. I had the same problem and I talked to my fiancee' about it and he told me to talk to him mom about the things she does and the things she says. We can sometimes read too much into a simple situation craving approval from someone when we've either had it all along or really don't need it.Yes it's good to want to get along with your MIL. You will have to talk it out with her that's the only way she will know.Hope this helps.Brandy |
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Daniella2289
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| I think she hates you because you can't spell... just kidding (not about the not knowing how to spell, but about her hating you for it).The thing with MILs is that nobody is ever good enough for their kid. It's the same thing with my mom. There is always something wrong with every man I date. She's not being mean, exactly, but she wants Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet... instead, she got Prince Polite and Hard Working. Then I get Prince Charming and she tells me she wishes he had a job. That's just the way things are.I think she is trying to be helpful. Her intentions are probably good. Either way, it would be good for you if you believe that. You need to learn how to manipulate her. I manipulate all my family members. My aunt like to be asked advice.... so I ask her about small things when I know what she's going to say, then I tell her what a wonderful idea it was and blah blah blah. She thrives on being needed and praised for it. I'm happy to help make her feel good. My mother likes me to ask her advice and confide in her... so I confide in her about work stuff, house stuff, blah blah blah. I ask her what's the best way to get grape juice out of shirts, what vitamins I should switch too and we discuss stuff. She loves that.... so I make my husband do it, too from time to time. We're buying a house soon, so I have him call her and get her advice on house stuff (she's a realtor and broker). So, I suggest you have a heart to heart with her. Woman to woman. Talk about feelings. Don't attack. Just tell her that you've been feeling vulnerable lately because of the new baby. Tell her that you feel like you just can't do anything right no matter how hard you try. Don't be weepy, just be vulnerable. She's a woman. Chances are, it will make her be more open with you. If you say all that stuff, then turn and look at her sort of teary eyed and ask, "Do YOU think I'm a bad mother?" She's gonna say No. It's a little debasing, but it's how I work my MIL. That woman sees me as hard-working, honest, earnest, compassionate, and a teeny bit helpless.... in reality, I am absolutely no different than I have ever been. I just fine-tune my attitude. Even my hubby is like, "Honey, why do you always turn into a hard-rock June Cleaver when my parents are here?" I just tell him I do it because that's what they expect. They expect tea, cookies, little sandwiches, etc. So I do it. |
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Daniella2289
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:43 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| I'm pretty sure you are married to Ray Barone, LOL. Your mother in law is trying to get your goat. Just be over the top excited every time she gets you something and say, you know I was thinking of getting you the exact same thing! My mother in law follows my husband and I around with a camera waiting for me to step out of the way for a moment so she can take his picture. |
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Daniella2289
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:47 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| well see you need to tell your husband how you feel about all of this, becouse your m.i.l. should not treat you like this, its just not right. and tell you husband that if she dont sraighten her act, that she is not welcome in your house. and if he really loves you he will make shure that you are respected, especially in your own home. some in laws will take advantage and becouse its thier son or daughter they think they can do what ever. example if my mom was doing that i would tell her nicely to stop that, and if she did not i would tell her again that if she did not change that i would have to cut out all contack with her.. becouse its all about respect... |
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DanDaMan
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| That was a long post, huh? I am glad I hung in there.Let's just say that her presents are weird. I suggest you look at this in a different way. There are more ways to look, but try these on.She may be a hag, and getting you mean presents or trying to "help" you.-also awful presents. The end result is you feel slighted or weird or put down. What to do?Accept the presents graciously, and then sell them at a yard sale or toss them. If she ASKS, don't lie, tell her, they didn't fit you, so you disposed of them. Stand up for yourself.The end result is if she is TRYING to hurt you, it won't work.If she is trying to "help" you, you are telling her you don't need her help. And won't take offense.Whether she likes you or not, but doesn't have a clue what you like or want, TELL her. Tell her you would like a magazine subscription to ___________. Or for Xmas, please don't get the adults any presents or give US a gift card to TARGET. Be specific, but not like a RED cashmere sweater size 6.This is more about YOU than her. YOU cannot make her like you, but you can be a bigger person.Pretend SHE likes you and be all chummy with her. Don't allow her to hurt you. If she acts like you have a disease, then just treat her like she is mentally ill or a spoiled 6-year-old and just shrug it off.Bottom line: Be the bigger person, and continue to get her kind thoughtful gifts, and invite her and treat her like someone you would like to be friends with. If she responds like you are the devil incarnate, soon it will be obvious, continue to kill her with kindness. It will drive her crazy!If she NEVER RESPONDS, it will be her loss, and not yours. It sounds like she has some issues to work out, with her son having gotten married, and you being a stay-at-home mother. Let them be HER problems, not yours.Good luck. |
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DaneJ
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 5:55 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| Mothers in law aren't ALL WAYS in the wrong. Some are very good mothers in law. The first thing that needs to be realized is that she is your mother in law because you married her son. You didn't choose her, she came with the package. The second thing is that mothers in law have to learn to respect and love their son's wife. She is his choice and if he loves her, the mother had better accept it or have many years of being miserable. Who do you think he is going to choose if he is forced to choose? It most likely wouldn't be Mom!And another thing to consider, if the mother in law wants a good relationship with her grandchildren, she had better treat their mommy good. The children will sense it if she doesn't. They may come to where they don't want to be around grandma if she is mean to mommy. What I have learned is that right from the start, you learn to love your son's choice. Make every effort to have a good relationship with her, get to know her. And you'd be suprised, in time you find that you REALLY do like her, not only love her, but like her too. I am one of the lucky ones, I think my daughter in law is great. She is an excellent wife, a wonderful mother and a great daughter in law. I am proud of her. In return, she shows me love and respect too. It isn't just a one way thing. I am not saying that is sounds like you aren't the one putting forth the effort. What I am saying is that it takes a lot of work from both parties. And if one party isn't interested in making a good, honest relationship, then there will all ways be that tension between you. The mother has to learn to let go. It isn't easy, but you have to learn to do it. Hopefully, as time goes on, your relationship will get better. Mine has wth my daughter in law. I wouldn't trade her for anything. |
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Daniel
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: Am I crazy or does my mother in law hate me?? |
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| No, you're not crazy. You have the typical passive aggressive MIL from hell. Try to keep her ams length and try, try not to dwell on what she does too much. Let her be the petty and pathetic one. You must be the bigger person. If you allow her to get under your skin, you will waste valuable time on a person that is driven by spite, and what a huge waste of time that would be, time better spent with your beautiful daughter and husband.Accept her presents graciously, even over act how much you love and appreciate the wonderful garbage can she got you.."so thoughtful", put them away and get on with your life. I also have MIL from hell, and to be honest, yours sounds a lot nicer than mine....but that's another story.Best of luck. |
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