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Lanie
Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
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 Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 9:20 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| Ok am I wrong to do this or am I just letting my Mother manipulate me? My grandmother passed over 10 years ago. Several years back my Mom gave me my Grandmother's wedding set. It is a beautiful set but I was looking around today and I found something that I thought would really make the diamond look really pretty. Well I just made a mention that I had thought about changing the setting and my mother had a fit and stated that she would never give me anything again and that she thought that I would treasure the ring the way it was an never want to chg it. I do treasure the ring but I just wanted a change am I wrong to want to do this? Please do not be mean on any answers this has really took its toll on me because of my Mothers reaction. If I am wrong just tell me. ThanksI forgot to mention that it was my father's mother's ring. And that my grandmother was also mean to my mother through out most of my parents marriage. |
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lanyueliang_vaj
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| Mostly, I think the important thing is to honor your grandmother's intentions in passing on her ring.Was it really important to her that it be kept exactly the way it was when she passed it on? Or would it be more important to her that it would be something you'd wear every day, even if it meant you changed its setting?Really, really think about this. None of us will be able to tell you the correct answer.When you answer this question, you will know what to do. If it means changing the setting, then you go back to your mother and say, "You know, I think it was more important to Gran that I wear her ring every day. She would want me to be happy with it..." etc. If you're right, your mom really won't be able to rationally argue with you.If you think your grandmother would want you to keep it intact, then do so.Good luck. |
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LavenderCake
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 9:49 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| Dunno how qualified I am to answer this question, but I don't see anything wrong at all in what you did... |
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lateshaf
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:03 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| In my opinion it is wrong to want to change the ring. It was the way your grandmother had it, and if you were to change it, it wouldn't be your grandmother's anymore in a sense. That is why your mother is getting upset about this, and I can't say I blame her for it. If you think you want to change the way the ring is set, why don't you just have a duplicate ring made with the same setting you want to change the ring to? That way you are happy and so is your mother. |
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ldjfldfhsdkjfhscnwqwwqrt
Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:18 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| I dont think you're in the wrong. It's your ring now, you're the one wearing it so surely you get to decide how it looks?Besides, if you get it changed it's more likely to last longer, so you can pass it on when you want to.I think your mother is getting the ring itself, and what the ring represents mixed up... |
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ldjfldfhsdkjfhscnwq
Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:32 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| um yea ur wrong just buy another set if you don't want to use it |
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larFoultBlork
Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Switzerland
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:47 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| Since your Mom gave you the ring, you did the right thing mentioning your idea to change the setting. Her reaction really tells you how she feels about it, which I am sure your will respect. I think you should tell her that you only thought about it and you won't change it if it will upset her. Basically, since you know her reaction, yes, it would be wrong for you to change the ring. |
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laura_9090mi
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:01 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| In my opinion as long as you are okay with changing the ring then that should be all that matters. If it still would mean as much to you as it did before then it is okay. I can understand your mother's point of view and why she reacted the way she did. In her mind you are basically saying that it is nice, but you could make it better. Is the ring okay the way it is?Maybe you could compromise and buy a different ring for yourself and pass the ring on as is to your child. |
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larFoultBlork
Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Switzerland
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:15 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| THATS SO WRONG |
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ladyred_66441
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:30 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| Well the fact that she overacted shows that she had placed some sentimental values to her mothers wedding set and wanted to pass it on to her daughter as well. Something like a family heirloom. Yes, she didn't have to react so strongly and could have expressed in a much calmer fashion. Now you have to decide if changing it is that important or if you can simply getting something else completely. If your mother's that sort of person, try speaking to her again, and telling her that you didn't mean to offend and that it was a thought, not a proceeded action. |
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Lala2861
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:44 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to do this? |
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| I really gave this some thought. My first instinct was to tell you that your mom is silly and irrational, and your grandmother surely wouldn't have cared if you changed the setting. However, after really thinking about it, I might have changed my own mind!!! My mother divorced my father, and they both gave me their wedding rings on my 16th birthday. When I think about what the ring would mean to me and if it would mean the same to me if I changed it, I tend to lean more toward leaving the ring as-is. For me, the sentimental value is in the actual ring itself, and when I look at it I think about how she wore it, and how she must have looked at it with such joy and happiness on her wedding day, etc. I don't think I would feel the same way about it if I changed the setting. But ultimately, of course, it is up to you! You should ask around to some other family memebers to see how THEY think your grandmother would have reacted to you changing the setting. She wasn't even your mother's mom, so why is her opinion the final one? |
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