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cw3burns
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 2:22 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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No taking your last name doesn't mean that you own her! Its just a last name not an ear tag or a collar! It is a sign of being a family, partners for life & just a tradition. Im definitely taking my fiance's last name! She is being kind of silly but in this day & age there are so many women that aren't taking their husband's last name. Pretty silly huh??? Ask her if she can hyphen her last name instead like Mary Jane Doe-Smith....Anyways I hope this helps. Good Luck  |
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kimberlyr
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:03 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Whether or not she takes your name shouldn't be a reason for a breakup. What is more troubling, is that she says it is like owning her. She doesn't sound very mature. I did not take my husband's name officially, but I had a more mature reason than "it shows you own me."You probably aren't going to be able to convince her that she is being unreasonable. What you have to decide is whether this is a deal-breaker for YOU. She may change her mind in the future, or when you have kids or something. You guys could compromise and she could use it socially but not officially, or hyphenate or go by three names (Sue Jones Parker). But you have to be willing to accept that she may never change her name. If that is really important to you, then you guys should at least be able to talk sincerely and rationally about it, with her taking your wishes and opinion into consideration. |
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FrontFrontDoor
Joined: 16 Apr 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:43 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| walk away now.... sorry to say but it sounds like you'd be divorced within 6 months anyway. Marriage is about compromise and sharing. I proudly took my husbands last name and he knows damn well there is no ownership there If she can't even decide to do this the marriage would be h ell anyway. |
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hernAbnothe
Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Location: Eritrea
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 4:23 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| LOL It doesn't matter what her reasons are... Her name is her name, she gets to choose which name to go by... Just as you can choose whether or not to wear a wedding band. If you guys are fighting like 2-year-olds over nothing, perhaps it's best to break off the engagement and grow up a bit before talking marriage. |
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D4Pres2012
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| marriage is mutual respect and compromise..there seems to be some deep seeded issues here with names and rings...slavery and ownership are different things when you are married to an abuser..that is what happens there... |
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grenouille
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:44 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Well I have to admit when I first read your question's title I thought it was about you taking the "own her" side. No if she takes your last name it has nothing to do with owning her at all. I think that you kinda made it more petty by saying you won't wear a ring. I don't think you can convince her to take your last name. Try to sit down with her calmly and talk to her. There should be some kind of comprise. If not and you're thinking of breaking it off now, you should really reflect on what you want. |
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Gerbil
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 6:24 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| I think she is stating that she doesn't like your "attitude" towards her opinions. From reading what you wrote, she may have a solid case. You expect her to bend for you, but will not give her the same? She's basically saying that you don't see her as an equal partner..Did you know that it is only a Western "tradition" for a woman to take the groom's last name? Outside of North America, this is rarely done. In some cultures, it is generally the womans's last name that is used (rare, but it does happen). If an "average Joe" also marries into a rich socialite family, he will often take her name. If a woman is an only grandchild (like me), the man will sometimes agree to take her name.Some women do not change their name for business reasons, or personal reasons such as being the last one to carry that name. There is NO reason why a woman *should* have to change her name. In other cultures, this works just fine.I did not want to change my name, but my husband wanted me to (he wasn't demanding I do though). So HE came up with the idea for us to BOTH hyphenate and take each others last names. We BOTH carry each other's last name. He did what any loving fiance would do. He came up with a solution that makes both of us happy. I personally did not want to hyphenate originally, but marriage is about compromise, and we are partners, as our new name signifies.I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds like there is more going on here if you would break up with your fiance simply because she won't take your name. I know this can be a sore spot for some old-fashioned guys, but that is taking it too far in my opinion. Do you really love this woman? How can you support the BOTH of your wishes and make the BOTH of you happy? That is what you need to ask yourself. Perhaps you are simply stressed out about the wedding in general.In the end, if you are really stubborn and old-fashioned, and that is not what she is looking for, than perhaps you really are not a good match. But I would not throw away a relationship due to something such as this.Sit down with your fiance and put your thinking caps on. I do believe that you are being somewhat unreasonable here. State your case, and let her state hers.As of now, you are taking her CHOICE away from her, which I think is upsetting her the most. And rightfully so.Good luck to you both! |
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disrad342
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 7:04 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| You need to decide what's more important - marrying her or her taking your name.... |
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gryphon19111325
Joined: 11 Jan 2008
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 7:44 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| So she HAS to take your name but you won't and SHE is the one being unreasonable. I think she should break the engagement.BTW, both me and my fiance are taking each others names, we are both hyphenating our names. His idea, not mine, and I will be the one wearing the wedding dress. |
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loki_only15198
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:25 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| So it sounds like you have the problem solved. Why are you posting the question? If you stop making a big deal out of her taking your name, I assure you she will not make a big deal out of you not wearing a ring. If you choose to make it a confrontation, she will treat it as such. Drop the name issue dude, you're asking for it. |
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hizzyAgain
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Ask her what she wants to do about future kids? Will they have her last name or your last name? If they're going to have your last name then shouldn't she have it too? I think a child should share the same last name with its parents, so either you should take her last name or she should take yours. I think its a fair compromise for her to have her maiden name as a middle name, or for you to hyphen your names so you'd both have a new name, but your old one too.I'd also like to add that in many countries men don't wear wedding rings. I think in Scotland its not traditional for the husband to wear a ring, my dad and uncles don't wear one but they are no less married or committed. Maybe tell her you'll compromise and wear a ring if she'll consider changing her name. |
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canada
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:45 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Your compromise is perfect, it's what I was going to suggest. If she won't compromise, I would rethink the whole thing. |
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