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CuTie
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 4:18 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| My fiancée is refusing to take my last name saying that would show that I own her. I told her that it's not like owning a slave, it's about being a family. She can't or won't see that.So, I said I won't wear a wedding rings either since that's also a sign of ownership and I hate rings anyway. Of course, she disagrees. (I don't care if she wears one or not.)I even suggested she use her last as her middle name. How can I convince her that she is being unreasonable? Or should I just break the engagement?I won't take her last name. I don't believe that the groom wears the wedding gown nor do I believe the groom takes the bride's name. She can use her last name as her middle name if she wants. I think that's reasonable compromise.reginachick22 - I admit we are late in talking about this. My suggestion is that we both compromise. She doesn't have to take my name and I don't have to wear a wedding ring. She wants to keep her name and I HATE jewelry. |
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JohnH
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 4:59 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Break it. If you can't own her, why marri her?? |
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BlueT
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| I would think there is a compromise to be made. What about you both hyphenating your last name to show both last names. Her name first then - your name next. It would be showing that both people are joining to become one family. See if she will go for that. |
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boiledcrabs7191
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:19 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Break the engagement.. if she really wanted to marry you, the last name wouldnt be such an issue for her.. its not like she completely getting rid of her maiden name. |
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Cant-Wait-to-be-Mrs
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| It doesn't mean you own her, your right it is about being a family. But maybe she wants you to take her last name. And if it isnt about ownership, you shouldn't be opposed. But to me, not wearing a wedding ring is shady. It's like allowing yourself to be hit on. |
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EVERTYATTAINI
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 1
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:40 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Some people don't like changing their last names. i don't really see how it shows "ownership" but I think you should talk to her and see why she doesn't want your last name. If she gives a valid reason then I would leave it alone. |
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bronlenselopy[a..z]wa
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: World
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:20 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| I will have to agree with you on this one....I don't think that taking my fiance's last name means he owns me, it means that we are becoming 1 family. I wouldn't break the engagement, but maybe she has some issues that she needs to deal with first before committing herself to you. But its not fair that she doesn't like the thought of you not wearing a ring. However, some women prefer to keep their maiden name for professional reasons-like doctors. The name on their diplomas is the name they want to use. But maybe she will compromise & hyphenate her name with yours?Good Luck to you! |
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KimP
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:00 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| no it doesnt mean that you own her..........it means that you and your spouse are now one in marrige and in the eyes of god. explain to her that if she does not take your last name than she does not want to be one with you. |
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dralandre
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 2
Location: usa
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:40 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| If she doesn't want to do it, don't force her to do it. Maybe later, she might decide to take your last name. |
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LiveLaughLove
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| If you are seriously thinking about breaking the engagement because she doesn't want to take your last name, You should re-think the whole situation. Are you really ready to throw away "happily ever after" on a name disagreement?!Besides that - I didn't want to take my fiance's last name. I felt like I was losing my identity, who I was. He and I talked A LOT about it, he was not giving in. He explained to me that it was just a piece of him and myself all in one name. I am now proud to sport his last name. |
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iloveweddings2479
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:01 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| You need to find a compromise on this. I mean, you don't want to break up over such a simple thing. One thing that some couple do is they use both last name with a hyphen in between. Try to make that proposal to her. |
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JMDP
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:41 pm Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Does she burn her bra too?I kid I kid.Unless she's a doctor or something, it seems silly that she would outright refuse to take your last name. Does she even refuse to hyphenate? Is it possibly an odd last name? I was suddenly reminded of "Wedding Singer"... "Julia Goulia" or something, lol. |
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Effisklixoyn
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 10
Location: World
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 12:22 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| It's a sign of the times. All those Nazi-femmes out there telling women that if they make any changes in their life for a man they are being a slave to him and will lose their own identity. On the other side of the coin, you also have magazines and media all over the place telling you that if you aren't beautiful, the perfect wife, and great in bed you will lose him to the next pretty face. I can say all this honestly because I am a woman.Don't start taking the "if you won't do this for me then I won't do that for you" stance yet. Believe me, that just encourages bad feelings and blame.Try to realize that she is trying to assert the fact that she is a person and that she does not belong to you. Reassure her that you will give her all of your love and you want all of her love, but that you don't want her to stop being the wonderful woman that you are marrying. You are marrying her because you love her, so you don't want her to give herself up to become your wife. Help her to see that it is okay to take your name because you know she is an individual and you won't try to change that. Suggest that she take her maiden name as her middle name (that is what I did), or that she hyphenate your names (she's a Smith, you are a Jones, so Smith-Jones). But in the end, it is her name and you need to respect that she has a right to keep her own name if she chooses. Even if you think it's unreasonable. If you are willing to break an engagement over such a small thing, you have bigger problems in your relationship than you think. |
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jmartinsgal
Joined: 11 Jan 2008
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| Taking your last name is "Not" a sign of ownership!!! it's a sign of "Partnership", which if she decides not to take;then that's her prerogative. Either way; You have to be the one to decide what you will or will not tolerate in your relationship.... |
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Deanri6063
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 1:42 am Post subject: Does taking my last name mean I own her? |
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| if u guys are argueing now, what gonna happen when u are married? |
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