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spulsiodof3s8
Joined: 01 Apr 2008
Posts: 3
Location: Thailand
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 Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| My fiancé and I worked very hard to trim down our guest list. We got into several arguments with each other and with our parents. His parents wanted to invite their friends and extended family but we told them no, as we are the ones paying for the wedding. Finally we were able to compromise and finalize the list. Invitations went out three weeks ago. Unfortunately, my fiancé's family has invited additional guests by word of mouth. Now these guests are wondering where their invitations are. And I'm not talking about one or two more guests - I'm talking about 18 extra guests, many of whom they wanted to invite all along. His parents knew we couldn't afford to accomodate these guests but they went ahead and invited them anyway. My fiancé has tried repeatedly to talk to his parents about this but they stubbornly refuse to rescind their invitations or cough up the money to pay for their extra guests. What can I do?It gets worse. Last weekend my fiancé's aunt threw a wedding shower for us. I emailed her the guest list and addresses of her family for her convenience when sending out invites. But she invited some of the extra guests, even though she knew we hadn't mailed them wedding invitations. So now I feel pressured to invite them to the wedding since they came to the shower.I'm so embarrassed and sad over this whole situation. I feel like I have no good options. Meanwhile, his parents are acting like I'm the bad one for not giving in to their wishes. But how is it fair to invite their friends and distant relatives when I couldn't invite some of my own friends, cousins, aunts, and uncles? |
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Suz
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| If his parents aren't willing to help you out, I guess you'll just have to tell the people yourself when they ask why they haven't received an invitation. Candidly explain the fact that you can't afford to accomodate everyone and apologize for the mix-up. You could potentially tell your future in-laws that you will be doing this, and maybe they would feel embarrassed enough to help pay..?I'm sorry you're in this situation - that's really not very fair! Good luck!Edit: I suppose you could also try and allocate invites to go to those people if you have people from your guest list that can't make it.. |
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StephanieW
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:13 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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You flat out tell his family that they will not be welcome at the wedding. That it is your wedding and you have a set guest list. That if they insist on these people being there then they cough up some dough to cover the cost. And that you are deeply insulted and upset that they are acting totally inappropriately. If that means you will tell them you'll phone these people up yourself and tell them sorry there was a misunderstanding, we are on a set budget, and bla blabla. I'm sorry, that is just plain outrageous. I'm sure some will say peace keeping etc etc That is just totally inappropriate, have I said that already lol. Hell, maybe it's just my pre-coffee morning mood, but I'd be apt to tell them not to bother coming either lol. If you let them get away with this now, they will be a nightmare walking all over you for the rest of your married life. Good luck. Yikes.Ok a few minutes later, that seems a bit harsh the way I worded that  ) But frankly, you have to put your foot down, in whatever way. As in tell the parents in law that you will be contacting all the family members and explaining why they are not getting invitations. Or don't bother telling the parents in law. And just do it. And let them find out after. But by the sounds of it then they might just start some one-up-manship game. |
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sondelaton
Joined: 22 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| I would politely tell the additional 18 people that this is an invitation only event. I would explain that your fiance's parents took it upon themselves to invite them, and you apologize for the confusion ... however, due to finances you can only afford to invite "x" amount of people.I mean why should YOU have to cough up additional money for the extra people? They invited them so they should pay. I would be pissed.*** EDIT ***I agree with the poster above me too. Also, whether money was an issue or not ... it's YOUR wedding ... not your inlaws. That is a form of control to go behind someone's back and invite other people. How ruthless is that? The real issue is that your future inlaws don't seem to have any respect for you or their son. |
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sylvanaidia
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 10:29 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| What hard headed parents! I would be rather peed off especially since they don't want to pay for the extras they have invited by word of mouth. Maybe send out a second notice that reads, please bring your invitation to the wedding... Without an invite you could refuse those individuals...Well I guess that might be rude but so were his parents inviting extras. But really none of those guests should show up without receiving a proper invitation anyway, that would be rude of them as well. I would flat out tell your soon to be inlaws that the extras will not be paid for and refused. Maybe this will get them to realize to either pay for the extra or rescind their word of mouth invite. They are the ones that will look like a donkey's butt! Hope you get this all worked out... I am so happy to have a great soon to be mother in law. Good Luck |
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TerQueerolwc
Joined: 06 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Location: World
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| Your fiance needs to stand up to his parents once and for all. If they don't give you money for the 18 extra guests, then you don't invite them to the wedding. Not to mention, your in-laws should not be inviting people to a wedding that YOU are paying for without you agreeing to it. They clearly have no respect for you and your fiance. |
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TerryC
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:45 pm Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| If you hear these people asking, I would tell them the truth!Tell them that you & your fiance are paying for the wedding entirely yourselves and that while you wish you could have invited everyone, you simply cannot do that and you & your fiance told his parents that you were not included on the list and that you are extremely embarrassed they put you in this situation but that they will not be getting an invitation. |
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stephie
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:24 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| I would explain to the FMIL that the reason they weren't invited is because you can't afford to do so, and when the people call asking about their invitations, you'll just have to tell them that much. I hope she's embarrassed, as she rightfully should be. |
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Suz5582
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| that's messed up. the only reasonable solution i could think of would be to tell them they have to pay for those plates and invites...but you already thought of that. has your fiance told them exactly how rude and just plain wrong that is? it's not right and then you guys end up looking like the bad guys to these extra people... you're going to have to tell them the truth if you can't get things worked out with the parents... or tell them they're free to show up but you can't feed them? a friend of mine actually did that with me - said i want you there but i can't afford any more plates so feel free to crash - we went shopping just before the wedding and she picked out a dress for me so i know she really wanted me there - i shared some food with another friend and there was a couple there with a baby so i took it upon myself to be the babysitter so they could eat and dance... it worked out really well if you have chairs for them that could work... |
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sweetsweetjane
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:40 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| if these additional guests ask you about an invitation, be honest and tell them your arrangements have already been made. Reassure them that it's a matter of finances. Perhaps in the future, your in-laws can come up with some money and have a gathering for those people,something like a second reception. Tell them if they still want to show up, then they have to pay for their meals and such. Sounds rude, but honest. You and your husband will have you hands full of his parents, so now is the time for both of you to put your foot down. If they give you any grief, tell them it's going on as you and your fiance planned, it's your wedding not theirs, it's your money not theirs. Good luck. |
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steph5217
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:18 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| Make it clear to them that there will be no where for this people to sit, nor will there be any food for them. If anyone asks where their invitation is, explain it to them honesty just as you have written it down here. Your in-laws will look like the chumps, in the end.My family is like this, if you don't stick to your guns now you will be getting bossed around for the rest of your life.EDIT: I agree with Celticwarrior |
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Sunny
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:56 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| How awful! I'm so sorry you're in this situation!If it was one or two more people, then I probably would have said to let it slide, but 18?? That's just rude! I don't understand the blatant disregard for your wishes, especially when your fiancee had repeatedly talked to them.What may save you is if you get enough "no" RSVP responses to accomodate the extra people. I don't like the idea of people being on a "B" list, but you can't afford the extra people.I would make sure, however, that you and your fiancee discuss with his parents how upset you are about this. Tell them you have been put in a very uncomfortable position and you don't appreciate it. Stress to them you cannot afford these extra people and how much this makes all of you look bad. Ask them again if they can chip in for those extra people to save the embarassment of telling them the truth.Have these guests talked to you directly or is it his parents asking why they don't have their invites yet? You could try just telling them the truth. Your budget is extremely tight since you are paying for it yourselves. You and your parents worked very hard to finalize a guest list, and unfortunately could not afford to have everyone you wanted at the reception.Tell them that their word of mouth invitation is a surprise to you. They weren't on the guest list you all decided on and that's why an invitation was not sent to them. I wish you the best in this sticky situation. Good luck! |
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SunnyState23
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:34 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| Yeah, I'd be mad, to say the least. I think you really have no choice but to pay for the extra guests. It's kind of weird to uninvite someone. As for the extra people that were invited to the shower, sounds like you're just going to have to have a bigger wedding. It's very rude of them to invite people, even after you've specifically said no, then refuse to pay for them. I guess you'll just have to wait until after the wedding to talk to them about it more. Good luck. |
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TexCermETEP
Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Tunisia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:12 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| You have to let them know that this isn't okay, the sooner the better. If they think it's okay to control your wedding, then they'll be like that your whole life. Tell them they're being rude, and that if they don't pay, the guests are going and they can like it or lump it. |
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snapper
Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:50 am Post subject: Eek! Fiancé's family is inviting extra guests!? |
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| Wow, wow, wow! I am SOOO sorry you have to go through this!Are there any people that RSVP'ed "no" for you to accomodate these extra guests???Either way, you NEED to put your foot down and your fiance NEEDS to man up and stand up to his parents. What they did was highly inappropriate and rude and inconsiderate to you and your fiance. They blatantly ignored your wishes and did whatever they wanted in an under-handed way. You will need to tell them how upset you are.In addition, you will need to tell these extra guests the situation--your in-laws invited guests without consulting you and for budgetary reasons you cannot accomodate them. Tell your in-laws that you are going to say something and that's that--let them deal with the fall out and the embarrassment of what they've done. |
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