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Kita
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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 Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:06 am Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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| I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months - everything was going really well and i thought i had met someone i could have a future with (i know was only 5 months but we really getting on well - also we are both in our thirties and i think when you are older games go out the window!) - two weeks ago he broke up with me completely out of the blue - he had given no indications that he wasnt into the relationship as much as i was, we had booked a weekend away and i was going to his best mates wedding at the end of the month and he was still v affectionate physically! he was really confused and upset when he broke up with me (crying) and seemed unsure that he was doing the right thing - the reason he gave was that he couldnt say he was in love with me, although he really respects me and has never met anyone like me - we are very honest and open with each other - and he said i am good for him ..........anyway i left him alone for two weeks (didnt contact him) - i called him yesterday to talk and he told me he hadnt gotten over his ex-girlfriend (who he dated for 1.5 yrs and knew for 8-9 yrs), he really loved her although she made him v unhappy and was a toxic relationship (he was seeing a counseller while they dated).... his ex had been in touch while we were together wanting to get back together (this was last xmas) - obviuosly he didnt get back with her - she is now dating another guy and i dont think they are in contact .......i think he knows a relationship with his ex wont work, but i guess this doesnt stop him from loving her ..........in a way i am relived that i know now the reason behind the break up - we had a great chat yesterday and both agreed that we will stay in touch and be friends for now anyway .....obviuosly there is nothing i can do except get on with my own life, who knows what will happen down the line ?just wondered if anyone had any insight or been in a similar situation ?thanks!BTW - we got together v soon after he and his ex split up - they spilt in june and we first got together in sept - tho we didnt start going out properly till nov ........Jacinta R - He did tell me at Xmas that she was contacting him and looking to get back with him, but he wasnt interested and i am glad i contacted him as i now know the reason for the spilt which has put my mind at ease no end. i wont be calling him anytime soon, he said he will get in touch with me again in a while |
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KimW
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:30 am Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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| I think its quite obvious that he was on a re bound, having been hurt by his first relationship and was just trying to get over it. He was lucky to have found a nice girl (i.e. you) who he did end up respecting and caring alot for. You are right about feeling relieved as now you know why he split up with you and he sounds like a good guy in the sense that he was honest with you - he could have kept going and being emotionally dishonest with you but he did the right thing and i dont think alot of guys would do that. i dont think you should wait for him to get over his ex as men take a long time to heal usually when they have been in love. I think you should get on with your own life, trying to meet new people. You are obviously a lovely person who is physically attractive so im sure you will meet someone new. |
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KimberlyS
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:54 am Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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| well i really dont know what to tell you, maybe you should just give him more time, when your in a relationship or even know someone as long as he does his x it gets really hard to just let go. I know from experience. But the best thing you can do is start doing your own thing, if he desides he loves you he WILL be back. dont worry. good luck! <3 |
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kimberlyr
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:18 am Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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| It sounds like you both have your heads screwed on - he didnt have a 'mourning' period to get over his ex before he met you, and although you may be good together he still needs to get over her before he can move forward with you. Stay in touch but get on with your life. I have a feeling once he's had time to think about why his relationship with the ex didn't work & how much you mean to him you will both start again - this time on an even footing. Hope it all goes well for you. |
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kimandryan2008
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:42 pm Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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I think he got into a relationship with you too soon. You say that you were both very honest and open with each other, but I notice he hadn't told you that he'd been in contact with his ex while you guys were still together. If that had been at Christmas, it means the last few months he was keeping that from you while it was obviously very much at the front of his mind.Personally, I wouldn't have contacted him after two weeks; I would have waited and let him contact me when he was ready (if ever). I'd leave the ball in his court for now. It's no good putting ideas and feelings into his head and heart on his behalf based on what you *think* he's thinking and feeling. He might very well think you're a great person and that you'd be perfect for him, but if he's not ready for a relationship with you then nothing you say or do will change his mind. Don't ring him just to *chat* or to show that you're still his friend; he obviously gets that. Wait and let him contact you now.By the way, you sound like you're handling it all pretty well and being pretty mature about it ... good on you!!  |
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Kilotavr
Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: The Bahamas
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject: Ex-boyfriend and his Ex ?? |
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| To be honest I have also been in his position, but not yours. I would feel devastated if i was in your place though after investing so much feeling. Though to be honest with me i don't go rushing into being invited to weddings and going away with someone until i least know its a secure relationship, and there is love on both sides.Easy for me to say i know but i find the longer you spend getting to know one another mentally without the interaction of more serious events like introducing long term friends and living in each other pockets then the less chance of hurt.For me i could not connect mentally with some guys as i was not over my previous relationship, but physically it was OK as i craved the affection which i was lacking being single. So therefore a lot of guys got hurt.the danger of someone getting with someone very soon after a split usually spells disaster esp if the person has been in a very long term relationship, as they need to heal. so bear this in mind. the tendancy when you are in your 30's is to believe that people have more emotional maturity and bit of baggage is expected. but to be honest like you ex i was seeing someone for 8 years and so being thrown out onto teh dating scene again can seem like being a kid in a candy shop. Its like being a teenager again and you love all teh bits of dating and feelings you get of being wanted, but when it comes to the crunch of responsibility and true love commitments then it can all become a bit over whelming and scary.sorry this probably hasnt helped but i can sympathise with you as for once this isnt a school kid writing and i know it gets harder as you pass 30. take care and hope your new life works out better for you next time round |
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