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_yopul_yomim_
Joined: 05 Jun 2007
Posts: 25
Location: Germany
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 Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: Fresh poem, what do you think? |
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| Just wrote it. Got inspired because I told my boyfriend (jokingly) that our love was a fallacy. Its short, but I kind of like it the way it is. What do you think? Should I go longer? Our love was a fallacyBurried lies andBurried livesIn a garden among the deadThe false flowers are starkAgainst your granite graveThe freshly carved wordsMark your life and deathIn a garden among the deadOur unreal love rings trueThe bell tolls as a wedding is throughAnd the widow stands alone |
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_lyre_qweku_
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 36
Location: Australy
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject: Fresh poem, what do you think? |
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| "Fresh" is the correct term here, it was a nice read, perky and with lots of attitude, kind of gave me a feeling of "kitten with a whip", well done. |
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_pistol_tiyo_
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 36
Location: London
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_tolre_pulku_
Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 40
Location: Stafford
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:16 am Post subject: Fresh poem, what do you think? |
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| yeah! it is really fresh and i like the way you write it. make some more! |
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_tolre_pulku_
Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 40
Location: Stafford
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:16 am Post subject: Fresh poem, what do you think? |
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| Good. I love the last line so I wouldn't make it any longer! |
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