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GracieM
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| My niece married a guy about two years ago, they broke up not long afterwards, divorced before a year was out.Now she's found someone else, and I just got the wedding invitation. I made it a point to get her nice gifts for her previous shower and wedding. I find myself not feeling very motivated to get her more gifts. I wish her happiness, but what about all the gifts and money she got from first wedding?I'm the 'spinster aunt' in the family, nearing 50, and never married. I'm okay with being single, but I have been thinking some about all the shower, wedding, baby shower gifts I've given over the years to friends, family, lots of cousins. Thousands of dollars worth I'm guessing.I paid for my own toaster, own bedding, all the stuff that married people are given as gifts. Nobodies ever given me envelopes with money to begin a new life, or go on an extravagent trip.Maybe a party for single people turning 50, with lots of gifts and envelopes of money? |
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jeannielunchbox4476
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 10:52 pm Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| I agree it doesn't seem fair that you should have to buy a gift so early...but...it is kind of one of those things. You know to be honest? With all those people and all those gifts why would she notice if you didn't get her one? Give her a card seriously. I wouldn't think she'd notice. I mean if she isn't out for the gifts to begin w/ it shouldn't matter that much!Hell I'm getting married in August and I was so excited about it I almost forgot there was such a thing AS a gift registry. |
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HeatherP
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:34 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| no, you are not required to do anything. |
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Jadore
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:17 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| Etiquette is clear on this point. Regardless of how many times a person has been married, if you are a guest, you have an obligation to provide a gift within one year of the wedding. This does not mean that you have to provide a gift that you can't afford. You could simply purchase a nice frame, vase, etc., something that isn't more than $15.00, if that's all you can afford. The part of etiquette stating that you are supposed to provide a gift equal to what your dinner is costing them is no longer the case. What you can afford is the case.Also, it is a frequent occurrence that the bride may not still be in possession of all the gifts that were given at her prior wedding. For me, I had 22 years between marriages, but I was not in possession of ANY of the gifts given in my first marriage. Long story there involving a lot of incompetent professionals including an attorney of mine that ended up disbarred afterwards.It's fine if you can't afford a big, expensive gift, but it's proper to give a gift of some kind. That is why registries are supposed to include a variety of items at all price levels.I wish you the best!* |
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Jai
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:59 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| i wouldnt give her anything maybe just a card |
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Jen4140
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:42 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| If I were you I would just give something that looked expensive but isnt actually that much, like a photo frame. It's still thoughtful and you can give her a nice card.I would put more thought into organising, or dropping hints to someone else to organise! a 50th party for you.I know you dont give to receive, but as you said, think of all the money you spent, but its mostly about feeling appreciated! |
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ILoveCoffee2200
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 7:24 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| If you don't beleive in the marriage enough to buy them a gift you would be happy to receive then don't be a hypocrite. stay home. they dont need you at their wedding if you are going to carry her past into the celebration.Either get over it or stay out of it |
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gydayHofIrody
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 9
Location: Dominican Republic
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:07 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| I'm older than you, but have been in the same boat since....forever. OK, put all this family crap in the proper perspective, you are being taken for a sap if you give, give, give and no one gives back. They aren't stupid....they know you are alone. If they don't take special care to treat you well, and see that you feel part of the family,,,,,then my dear, to hell with them. You'd better start saving, and then spend it all before you die so they don't get any more of your hard earned money. (PS, I have 3 homes in tropical paradises, retired at 55 and told them all I won't be back, even for funerals, and for them to not put themselves out traveling to mine! LOL We all laughed, but I'm serious). I have a happy life and little involvement with ingrates. |
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JesykaK
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:49 am Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| Custom does dictate that family give a gift, but situations like this make custom very abrasive at times. Nevertheless, etiquette still dictates that you purchase a gift. However, etiquette does not dictate that you go out and spend as much as you did last time.Opt for something nice but modestly priced. Then, get to work planning your 50th birthday and don't forget to register at Tiffany's. I highly recommend the Elsa Peretti heart box, it's quite pleasing aesthetically. |
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Jenn
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| Yes......I would give her something.......an invitation to your birthday party. |
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honesthustler
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:14 pm Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| Politely decline to attend the wedding, send her a card and be done with it. (And remember, her ex-husband probably got half of the gifts). And stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're coming across as a bitter old woman. |
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GenrihFrou
Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
Location: United Arab Emirates
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:57 pm Post subject: Getting remarried not long after first marriage. Do I still |
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| Actually, if her first marriage broke up before a year was over, proper etiquette dictates that she should have returned the gifts. Don't feel obligated to fork over another gift for this wedding. |
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