|
|
snowsnowy
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
|
 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
 |
|
|
| Forest DanceBusy, busy, busy are the happy bluebird pairCuriously watching is big ole’ Mr. BearHe means no harm to birdies, he’s just curious you seeHe just likes watching dancing like Mr. Busbee the bee.Soon enough more birdiesWill join the forest danceThey’ll show it all to you, if you just give them the chance.Writer's BlockThese words in my head, just won’t come outThere is nothing I think I should write aboutNot death, nor lifeNot worries or strifeIt’s probably in there just stuck in behindEverything up there in that big creative mind.I shouldn’t worry, because soon enoughMy poem will come unplugged from behind all that stuff.Drama, Drama, DramaWhisper, whisper in my earTell what I’d hate to hearMy best friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her?I can hear the drama mix starting to stirHe’s cheating with her sister?The drama is now a twisterSpinning, spinning, round and roundNot slowing till it touches ground.Drama is a potionThat causes an eruptionIt can’t be lava, were not that luckyIt’s tears, deceit and lies.The pain that never dies.Stolen DreamsA soldier fights for the U.S. of AA struggle to rise and begin a new dayHe shouldn’t be there, but knows that he mustHe’s worried and scared, in God he must trustHe wants to go back, though he knows that he shouldn’tHis friend said don’t leave him ,so he told him he wouldn’tThen he is struck, his own wedding he‘ll missHe risked it all, and it ended like this.A woman is crying, and sitting aloneIf he died there and left, then she’d be all aloneShe’d have to forget, all the plans they had made.Of children, and homes, and a white picket fenceHe’d left ,said goodbye, she hadn’t heard from him sinceThere’s still hope she cries out, ‘cause they haven’t come yetThen she calmed herself down, he wouldn’t want her to fretSoon enough two strangers will arrive at her doorTelling her how he died, fighting this war.January 19, 2004(January 19,2004 a bomb exploded in Iraq killing 3 U.S. soldiers)Spring BreakSand, water, waves are all in this weekThe hot Florida sun pouring over the beachSwimming, splashing, sliding fun in the sunAfter 6 days, the fun’s nearly doneSo you pack up, and start heading homeYou beg and you mope, and all around you roamWhen you get home you’ll go divingIn your bathtub full of soap!My Island, and my FamilyJesus is a beaconHe casts his outward lightHe guards me like my very ownShining armor knight.God is my second ,overly protective fatherProtecting me from sadnessSo sin won’t be a bother.My religion is like homeWith it, I won’t roamBecause my lord and saviorWill improve on my behavior.Fairytale DaydreamsThey dance and they twirlThey laugh and they gazeThey’re so in loveThey seem in a dazeThey draw a curious crowdWho begin to jeerBut to them, they’re alone There is no one else here. But then like a knifeThe clock strikes midnightAnd so this is the end of their fairytale life. A Teacher’s Love At first I felt alone and shyA stranger with few friendsBut then you taught me it’s okAnd teacher’s love transcends.So thank you for the fun I hadAnd all the friends I’ve madeI’ll visit you sometime next yearAnd I wish I could’ve stayedSpring SadnessThe rain is falling on the soft wet grassI wonder when this storm will quietly passWhen the rain pours downI think of youAnd my own little rain falls from my eyes toThis sadness in heartThat makes me so sadIs all because of youYou forgot what we had.No MusicThey go walking by the seashoreMoving slowly by the bayTogether with each otherReminiscent of a waveHe takes her hand in hisAs they walk atop a duneShe giggles as he twirls her As they Waltz beneath the moonYAY!!!! thank you! I just started writing sunday. I'm scared if i stop writing I'll lose my talent.I'm sorry if you don't believe I'm 13 or that these are my poems, but they are. I swear to God. It hurts me inside to think I've worked do hard to have my poems dismissed by some one with 0 writing ability.P.S. thank you to everyone who believes these are my poems. I am very proud of them.Why answer the question if your not gonna' comment on them? I don't believe you have ever written a unique poem in ur life. jealousy is not a very redeeming quality. I'm a smart girl. I took the SATs this year sir. I'm 13. get over it. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
 |
Soon2BMrsGupta2421
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 12:08 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Amazing work...keep it up!You should definately consider a writing career. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
sweetheart5292
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:17 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
enter a contest  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
TerQueerowyf
Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: World
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 2:27 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| good your a natural born writer like my friend |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
waixheadibegba
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Location: World
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:37 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Nice I really like them! Keep it up! You could write poems when you get older or even now! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
winston1smith
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 4:47 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Honestly, I don't believe you are 13, and I don't think these poems are yours. I have seen a couple of them somewhere else. I belong to several poetry sites and associations.I won't comment on them, since I don't believe they are yours. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
xt286_12mhz
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:57 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Not too bad! A few are a bit sappy though. Good work. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
sparkleythings_4you3827
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Posts: 5
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:06 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| I agree with the Benito guy. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
sparkleythings_4you0258
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:16 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Love them!!! Especially that last one! That one was great! =) |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
snowl
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:26 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| Those are all beautiful great poems!! You have a writing talent! I like the one about the soldier-really sweet and the one about Jesus and God really nice too!! =D |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ujpccguuvbovfdel
Joined: 22 Oct 2007
Posts: 36
Location: usa
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| I believe these are yours! They are awesome and u definately have alot of talent. I am 16 now but was ur age when I started writing. I wrote about everything that hurt me as well as the things that made me happy. sometimes you will feel as if your talent is going away b/c you will have days when you long so bad to write and the words just wont come..but dont be discouraged b/c its all a part of the process. Embrace what you have b/c its truly a gift from God! If u have a myspace add me..my screen name is K-BABY..but mention in the add who you are or I wont accept! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
vt0061
Joined: 09 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:46 am Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| You are talented in a raw passionate way, a bit conceited and into yourself. You should write. It will help you become a better person and learn more about yourself in psychological ways. You should enter a contest like the PTA reflections which is available by your local PTA every fall. I like stolen dreams. Everything else is definitely more of a journal type of poetry for your eyes only. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
TinaRemi
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 12:56 pm Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| These are very wonderful poems. I know, as I was published nationally and internationally for my poems at ages 12 and 13. Just remember not to force out the words if you are not feeling them coming, because then your writing will sound forced.Besides that... you really are a wonderful poet and I can see a great number of options open for your future ^_^ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
w00tpwnage_com
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| they are all good.. I love the Stolen Dreams one. I almost started crying. =]] it really hit home...keep writing, looking forward to more. =]] and i really believe you are 13 because thats when i started writing....haha. =]] good luck. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ValerieP
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 34
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject: I'm only 13, Review my poems!??? |
|
|
|
| you are truly blessed to be able write at these poems at such a tender age. As for the guy that said there not your poems ignore him if your going to put your work on the internet you need to have thick skin, |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
FAQ
Search
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
