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nickyB
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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 Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:20 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| My fiancee and I are getting married next June. We were planning an outdoor wedding, getting married by a non domination priest. We've already booked the reception and want to have the ceremony outdoors near this beautiful gazebo. My FM-IL has recently said that she wants us to get married in a catholic church. While we were both brought up Catholic (he made his confirmation, I did not), we don't go to church regularly and feel that this is not the way to go for us. She has made rude remarks along the lines of, "Well if you're going to have a justice of the peace, why bother have a reception??" This is our wedding. We are paying for it ourselves... why can't she just respect our decision? My family is fine with it. She has also said that her extended family will probably talk about us for not having it in a church. I don't need this stress! The wedding is 15 months away. I'm just soooo frustrated. What should I do? I've always wanted an outdoor wedding. |
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Nickswife
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:08 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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I think that as long as you and your fiance are okay with having an outdoor wedding, don't let your FMIL steal your big day. She's overreacting right now, in hopes of getting her way. Your fiance should be the one to set his foot down and tell her that she needs to accept the facts. An outdoor wedding (& any non-church wedding) is perfectly acceptable. Good luck!  ) |
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NicoleY
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:56 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| Talk to your fiance. He needs to reel in his mom. She needs to stop being negative and imposing her desires and ideas on your wedding. If the two of you want to get married outside, there's nothing wrong with that. The compromise may be to find a priest that would be willing to perform the ceremony outdoors where you want to get married. There are priests that will agree to do outdoor weddings. You might want your fiance to remind his mom that a church is just four walls and a building. God doesn't reside just in a building and he guarantees God will be present at your outdoor wedding. |
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NICE LARTON
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:44 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| "An outdoor wedding (& any non-church wedding) is perfectly acceptable" ? In my books it's not acceptable.. U were brought up as a catholic.. how can u not get married in church? Let me give u a scenario.. if u don get married in church (being a catholic urself), wen u have kids, will u bring them up as catholics? If yes, have you tot about what if ur kids ask u "Mom, dad n u did not married in church wen u shud have, n now u r teaching me catholicsm?" what will ur respond be?If no, do u kno it's against our faith?As catholics, marriage that is by a non domination priest is actually not recognised by church. therefore ur marriage is not blessed and it's not a marriage in the eye of the church..I don blame ur FM-IL to be against it. Simply bcos they kno it's wrong.. how can parents (especially) allow u to do wrong things wen they r supposed to guide u to the rite path with God? |
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Nicretyes
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 12
Location: Australy
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:33 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| stick to your own plans! it is your marriage! not theres! if they dont like it they do not have to attend, i am a not so devout cat. I do not hold it against you, so go for it! |
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NewYorkDoctorD
Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:21 am Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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YOu know what? I am dealing with the same type of issues. My fiance and I are going to do exactly what we want, we are paying for the wedding ourselves as well. I was able to find an ordanined preist, who will come to where we are getting married and do the ceremnoy - outside too. You may want to check into this before you get a justice of the peace. I am Catholic and my fiance is Methodist, we both don't got to church regulary though, so we decided not to marry in the church as well. But my FMIL is furious b/c we aren't going to use her preacher - that lives hours away. Get you fiance to step and and explain that it's your day, you 2 are paying, so you are going to have it how you both want it.  I hate to say it, but I think it only gets worse for you and I ! LOL! Good Luck! Wait till she wants to have a say in the decorations, dresses, colors.... I've already been through this and I have thanked her nicely and used what my mom and liked! |
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Nfreevid
Joined: 25 Jan 2008
Posts: 8
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| I have the same problem, but I probably wont get married for awhile..anyway I absolutely have to get married in a Catholic Cgurch cuz otherwise my marriage is not real, according to my family....Since you are paying for the wedding, i honestly wouldnt change and let your In Laws know that this is what you both want and that you feel it would actually be a lie to get married in a church cuz you are not religious. maybe if you put it in that perspective, they will agree that tradition is useless without the intention. |
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NideTiepele
Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Kazakhstan
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your fiancee. Maybe try finding an officiant that has a catholic background, that may help ease up your FM-IL.You don't have to do the whole catholic ceremony just add in aspects of it.Good Luck and Happy Planning! |
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Nick
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:45 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| Since she's your fiance's mother, he needs to talk to her. He should tell her that the two of you (not just you) have decided to have a non-denominational wedding because that is the right choice for you. If the relatives want to talk, then the relatives can talk--it'll keep them busy.By the way, I feel for you. My fiance and I were both raised Catholic, too, but neither of us practices. I'm actually an atheist now, and it would be very hypocritical for me to get married in a church of any kind. But, my father's side of the family in the old country is very religious--there are a number of nuns and Christian brothers in the family. They can talk about how we "won't really be married" all they want. My fiance and I will be married legally, and bound to one another through our ceremony. To us, a Catholic priest won't change that one way or the other. Stick to your guns, dear. |
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NIFfickle
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 2:34 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| i've never understood why it mattered to other people what you did religion wise.... like does it make her feel better if you marry in a catholic church and it means nothing to you????? your not catholic, or practicing anyway, so do the wedding the way you want it to. it's your wedding. faith is supposed to be something personal. it's not very personal if your going through the motions to humor others. stick with your plan. she can have her wedding where she wants. |
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NicoleY
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 3:22 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| It's your special day, not theirs. Do what YOU want to do! GO FOR IT!!! |
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NicoleHillaryJones
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| I had similar issues when I got married, with both mothers. My husband wanted to get married in the church to make his mother happy. I told him this was OUR life, not hers, and we were going to live it OUR way. I told him that if HE wanted it, and if HE was willing to undertake the Catholic education of our children, then I would get married in the church for him, but that I was not going to do anything about pursuing a Catholic education for our children. I guess he wasn't willing to take on that responsibility, and he knew that my feelings where our marriage was concerned were more important than his mother's, and we had a non-denominational, outdoors wedding.So to actually answer your question, he needs to talk to his mother and tell her that this is the way the two of you have chosen to live your life. You are both adults and she needs to cut the apron strings. You'll probably have ongoing issues with your FMIL as long as she lives. She'll meddle in everything, including how you raise your children (if you have any), etc., etc., etc. ..... Good luck. |
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Nickswife
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| go with what you want. it's your day. |
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Nicole
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| Get married where you and your fiance want.I'm not very religious (raised Catholic, non practicing now) but to me it would be disrespectful to get married in a church if you weren't religious. I'm surprised your FMIL, being religious, doesn't feel the same way. |
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nicki5087
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: My FM-IL wants us to get married in a church? |
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| I am familiar with the scenario . . Last summer a bride from one state and a groom from another state decided they wanted an outdoor wedding in a beautiful garden setting (in the state were they were currently residing). Both the Bride and Groom were devout Catholics, and they came from good Catholic families. Both parents agreed that the garden setting was perfect for a June wedding.Almost two hundred guests were invited to the wedding, and most of them were devout Catholics who were either related to the Bride or to the Groom.And how did they resolve the "you must get married in a Catholic Church problem?" A second "family only" wedding was held in the Groom's parents' Catholic church the beginning of August followed by a barbeque at the Groom's parents' home. The small wedding consisted of the Bride, the Groom, a Maid of Honor, a Best Man, the Bride and Groom's parents, and a few brothers and sisters.Everybody got the wedding they wanted . . and lots of great memories!The garden wedding was performed by a nondenominational minister, the church wedding was performed by a Catholic priest. The priest who performed the wedding in August was informed that the legal wedding would be performed in June in another state in an outdoor setting.Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant |
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