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gryphon19112229
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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 Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:58 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| My two children (4 and 2) are in a wedding party in June this year to a couple who never attended the wake or funeral or even sent a card, never called, did nothing. I have not heard from these people until 3 weeks after my moms passing, they mailed us a newsletter updating us on their wedding plans. HOW RUDE AND THOUGHTLESS.Anyway, we had another death close to our family and I attended the wake last night, it was so hard.I woke up today so horrible and consumed with everything going on in my life. So sad with life.I do not have it in me to have my children in the wedding party. I am going to pull them out and let them know this weekend. My kids do not even know anything....they are too little to realize what a wedding is let alone their roll in the wedding. They are not family, they were friends for a short while, but I think they just needed two cute kids to fill the shoes. Am I being selfish to pull them out? I really cannot go or have them in it, so soon. |
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GRONMORMON
Joined: 24 Dec 2007
Posts: 20
Location: US
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:34 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| You are not being selfish, they are the one being selfish, they could have call and giving you their sympathy. Let them know that your kids will not be in the wedding, so they can find someone else to fill in. Sorry to hear about your mom. |
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Gruvinkurt
Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 12
Location: Porn
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:10 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| I dont think that you would be rude. All you have to say is that you would prefer that your children are not involved and if they ask you why, pull them aside and tell them how you feel. If they are close enough for your kids to be in the wedding then they by all rights should have been there for your mother funeral. Also I would like to say that Im so sorry for your loss. |
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gryphon1911
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:46 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| Im sorry for your losses.Well if the wedding is in June that is 4 months away, so if you think you wont be in the celebratory mood, then you should back out. Its still enough time that they could find other kids, or rearrange the procession to not include kids. Usually the kids have a very minor role so it is not a big deal to have them back out. |
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gryphon19115926
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:22 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| I am so sorry.I am confused about why your friends wouldn't have sent a kind card or even called to offer words of encouragement....that is just terrible.My mother passed away when I was 15. I know the heartache. I wish you weren't going through this. It is really hard....and you need a support system, not people who are selfish.I don't think you are being selfish, they are. They shouldn't have been so narrow minded that they didn't think to contact you about your loss and then send you info on the wedding. I would pull my children out too if it were me.But I also think that maybe you should speak to someone about what is going on in your life. I kept my pain bottled up too long and it caused a lot of hurt that I had to deal with later. Try to get it all off your shoulders now.Take care! |
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Gruvinkurt
Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 12
Location: Porn
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:58 am Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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i dont think this is selfish, as long as the wedding is not soon.  this is a really hard time for you and your family, and you need to draw strength from your children now. keep them close, you need their love. explain the situation to the couple and tell the truth, that you cant handle the pressure right now and you would like to have some time to be with your family right now. |
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gryphon19111325
Joined: 11 Jan 2008
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:34 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| death is apart of life but that does not make it any easier when you lose someone it might be healing to attend the wedding and be apart of someones happiness they need to be forgiven for not reaching out to you in your time of need but you will do what you feel best for youi can only say that forgiveness will help you heal and feel betterlife is special |
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groussyirriteusa
Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 23
Location: Somalia
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:10 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| I'm sorry ,,,,this is the toughest question I have read today,,,,,,,,,,I don't know all circumstances but I will be at church later this afternoon I'll pray you get the right answer ,in your heart,,from some one who knows the whole story,,,God Bless |
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Grizlyy
Joined: 07 May 2007
Posts: 26
Location: Zambia
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:46 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| sorry for your lossno you are totally right, why should your kids be in it when the cannot even attend something that is important to you. friendship is a two way street |
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gryphon19114905
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:22 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| Well I am sure this is hard and I am sorry for the passing of your mother . I have this saying what every God throws your way it is meant for a reason . These people may have wanted your children in the wedding for reasons they may not even know . Maybe it is an idea from your mother to bring the family closer . That is just my opion on this situation . If you feel it is to early then it is to early or the question is is it because you are mad at them ? If it is that reason then you need to think before you act . Ask them why they have choosen your kids to be in the wedding . Do not asume it is because they need beauty in their wedding . I am sure this will be a great memory for you and your children . Good Luck ! |
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gryphon19115926
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| So sorry for your loss, these people hopefully are not aware of what has been going on in yourlife!! I would understand if you pulled your childrenout, and they should be ashamed of themselves ifthey knew of your circumstances!! |
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GRONMORMON
Joined: 24 Dec 2007
Posts: 20
Location: US
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 3:34 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| i think it would be totally appropriate. death can be hard and i'm sorry for your loses. it was very rude of them to not at least say this to you. i would just give them a call and explain the situation to them and pull them out if you can't handle it. realize that they are going to be mad, especially if they are so wrapped up in their own little world, and just get it over with. do it soon so that they have a chance of finding someone else to take your kids place. |
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Gromeron
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 26
Location: All
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| I'm so so sorry. I lost my Mom almost 8 years ago. It will be 8 years on August 1st at 7:55 am. I'm afraid to say that the pain doesn't get better you just learn to live with it. If people tell you to get over it, tell them when they lose a parent they are close to you'll talk about it with them.You are NOT being selfish at all for pulling them out! They are more affected by losing their Grandma than they ever will be about not being in a wedding that they don't even really know about. Are they asking the when's Grandma coming back question yet? That is so hard to answer. The best thing I can say is be honest and tell them she's up with the angels and is an angel now herself watching over them. Keep it simple.If this person, I'm sorry, I can't really call them a friend after what they didn't do. Yes, I know folks they are wrapped up in planning their wedding but you know what? You are never too wrapped up in one day of your life to not be there for someone when they lose a parent!You are grieving and need time to grieve. Take the time that you need. The last thing you need is to be around people that don't care, don't understand and don't know. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me, mynxr@sbcglobal.netTake care of yourself and your children. |
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gryphon19115926
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:46 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| You feel what you feel. I agree with you that your children will not likely know the difference if they are in or not, but try to consider your own needs here...but it sounds to me like you need to put yourself closer to others for companionship, not pull away. Also, give your friends the benefit of the doubt...is it possible that they were unaware of your mom's passing? They're pretty absorbed in their own little bubble of happiness, so maybe they hadn't heard (out of towners often don't unless YOU tell them). Try to give yourself some time to make your decision...in 3 months you might be ready to celebrate your own life and the beginning of your friend's lives together, and you'll regret a hasty decision. In the meantime, I would recommend talking with a minister or priest (from any local church) and ask about grief groups or workshops that can help you deal with your losses in a healthy, positive way. My prayers are with you! |
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groupviagra
Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 25
Location: Porn
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:22 pm Post subject: My mom passed away 6 weeks today. It has and is so hard for |
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| I dont think that is selfish. But dont hold any hostility toward them either. My dear, it is just not worth the effort. If your doing this to prove a point, than your pulling them out for the wrong reasons. And chances are, from how ignorant they sound, they would never put the two together, which in the end, will leave you more frustrated. Clear your head, pull them out, and move on with your life. Cherish the moments you had with your mom and thank the lord for all the years you did spend with her. There are much less fortunate people out there who lost thier mothers when they needed them the most, thier adolescence. You at least, are grown, and she had the chance to spend time with her grandchildren, what more can you ask for? |
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