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briley_can
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:17 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| my holiday wish,to be under mistletoe with you,so baby,i can get my long awaited kisswe'd look into each others eyes,and wed see,perfect understanding,and hear each others distant sighsour lips would meet,softly and gently,trying not to be rough and raw,but wed soon be taken by passion admitting defeattwirling our tongues,tasting and exploring,your so close to me,your soapy sweet smell filling my lungsrealizing people are staring,casue we're making a love scene,but we continue not even caringthat other people are seeingembraces passionately,finally wanting to get away,so that we can make music and begin to swayso years later my holiday wish,is to finally get married to you,forever remain like thisyears passed and we are married,and have a baby...you leave for work,across the country...you visit once a year...missing him growing...5 years later my holiday wish,is for the one i love to return home because even when he,is its him i always missyou have come home to stay,finding work closer to here,i ask you why...because i know,how much you loved your job,and "i love you"is all you have to sayi think i should ust leave it at the first holiday wish...and leave out the others...sort of ruined it...right?and no this isnt based on something that happened to me... |
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CandyShopGirl
Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 3
Location: Dresden
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:32 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| Yeah you should have stop at years passed... seemed like a saga by then, but I like the first part, seemed a little risque....mmmm... makes me wonder.... "twirling tongues/tasting and exploring"... |
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builbodia
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 4
Location: Slovakia
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:46 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| i always enjoy seeing an expression of true love.good work. |
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brizzielady
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:00 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| Hey! I know you!lol jki see ur avataar a lot though...-_- |
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bride2be8828
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:15 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| pretty good, i think you should stop at the 7th stanza though |
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BritneyIIIIVI
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:29 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| nice one hope to see you under one /if your over 20 |
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Brooke1138
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:44 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| I liked the first part better! There is passion there, but the rest turns passion into depression! It just needs a little work, so don't worry. It is still good! |
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Bubbles
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:58 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| So so nice |
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carisoprolsom1
Joined: 05 Apr 2007
Posts: 2
Location: carisoprodol-soma
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:12 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| you can feel the passion in your words. Good Job! |
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Caitlyn
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| You no I love you to |
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builbodia
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 4
Location: Slovakia
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:41 am Post subject: poem...titled my holiday wish? |
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| I loved it! It's so tender and romantic. |
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