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Sophiesmom
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 14
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 Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:39 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months. We are in a long distance relationship, although we talk about 5 times a day on the phone (phone companies love me). We get to see eachother about once every 5 weeks, and I will be spending a month there soon. We knew we were 'the one' for eachother very early on. We have talked about marriage a lot (almost every day he makes comments about how much he loves me, calling me Mrs. XXX (his last name), and how he says he can't wait for me to be his wife. When we are in malls, we go and window shop and gaze at the rings and say which we like and which we don't.I thought he was going to propose to me last time I saw him but he didn't. He said it was too early on in the relationship to get carried away and didn't want to have a "shot gun wedding" (this was at the 6 month mark). Coincidentally he also mentioned how I had gained some weight and that he knew he couldn't be happy with someone like that long-term. Cont'd..I think he used the "shot gun" thing as to widdle out of proposing. Could weight be the issue? By the way, it is NOT a lot of weight we're talking about here, and I am slightly overweight still sexually appealing to him etc..I have had my run around with 2 previous relationships who teased me with the marriage issue and turns out they were all full of BS.I want to believe him but what should I do? He tells me he loves me no matter what and he still talks to me as if he can't wait for me to be his wife, even AFTER ive gained, so why doesn't he just propose already? |
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SonjFjkipl
Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:03 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| Why are you so worried if your relationship is so secure and great? Listen, you have the rest of your lives to be together. Why are you starting to sweat over his proposal? You've only been dating for 7 months!! For him to propose now is WAY too fast and it's good that at least ONE of you understands that. There is alot more to marriage than just being in love. There are alot of practical issues to consider and talk about before you make a life commitment. The ooey-gooey love feelings aren't enough to make a marriage work and the statistics prove it. It's still early in your r'ship and you need to calm down. Many guys aren't even THINKING about marriage at 7 months. The fact that he talks about it alot shows the r'ship is already going faster than usual so why not let it just progress naturally? I would be concerned about his comment on the weight issue. You need to make sure he's the kind of guy who will love you through everything.....fat, skinny, etc. Marriage is not about loving someone when it's EASY. Marriage is a commitment to love someone even when it's hard. Life will throw alot of difficult situations your way and you want to commit yourself to someone you KNOW will have your back no matter what. |
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Somfoormjawz
Joined: 19 May 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:27 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| OK....where to start.First, I think 7 months is way too early to consider marriage. Especially, since you've had a long distance relationship.There is a big difference between having a long distance relationship and one that's near by. As much as you talk about your lives on the phone, there is a big difference when you have a face to face relationship. I had a friend like you. Her relationship was completely "idealistic" When she would see her boyfriend, she claimed it was the best and they never fought. I thought it was odd that they never fought, agrued or disagreed.It's kind of a red flag to me. You have to have a certain level of disagreement and annoyance in a relationship to make it real.Like my friend, you aren't dealing with the real issues of life or your personalities. When you see each other, it's completely lovey-dovey. Especially since you probably are all hyped up about the visit. You really have to be with someone for a while and it a face to face (physically) there relationship to really know what the other person is all about.The few times a year you see each other, aren't enough. They are ideal situations. When he visits, you probably plan special dinner and events. Everything is planned out, perfect and FUN. Well, when you are in a face to face relationship, that's not the case. You aren't having romantic dinners every week or planning fun activities.Some weeks, he might want to go to the movies and you just want to stay home and chill out. You might disagree about it and figure out how to comprimise and deal with it. If you aren't in those types of situations, you'll never really learn about each others personalities and temperants. |
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SoldierAtHome
Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:51 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| let me tell you this...throughout college, i was in a long distance relationship. we were friends and then started dating after i went college, so we never had a "short distance" relationship.i love him very much and we are actually getting married, but being apart from each other made it more romantic if that makes any sense. everytime we saw each other, it was a big deal. cards, flowers, gifts all the time...like 3 years. we did spend summers together though.then we got engaged and moved in together. things changed. it wasn't as romantic. obviously i still love him, but you need to spend "unromantic" time with him too. especially since you've only known him for 7 months.man at 7 months...i was head over heels for my future husband. madly crazy infatuated. now there is just love. |
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sofakingwetoddid
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 6:15 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| Hi. Please don't rush things. But more important than that....I think you both have "issues" that need resolving prior to any marriage.I was reading along thinking...OK...here are two love birds until I came to your statement about you gaining some weight and him not being happy about it. Ummm RED FLAG!!!My youngest sister was married to a guy like that. She had a baby in early October and had not lost the weight yet by Christmas and he refused to buy her anything or speak with her for the whole day (Christmas Day!) She DIVORCED him!! This guy has "issues." You need someone that will stand by you through thick and thin....a few pounds heavier...a few gray hairs eventually....lots of things!Be careful. |
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SoldierAtHome
Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| He's full of it. He knows what to say to keep stars in your eyes, and because he lives so far away, he doesn't have to worry about following through with any of it. He'll use any little excuse to blame YOU for HIM not following through. You're better off ending the relationship now so you can move on. |
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Sooz
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:03 am Post subject: What to do? Confused. Long, sorry!? |
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| Well, my dear--some people are in love with being in love. You've had two bad situations and are hoping this is the one, but your relationship is idealistic instead of realistic. You will probably think me wrong about this situation, but give my answer some thought, please. Seven months is not very long measured against the rest of your life.If your young man is already complaining about weight gain to you, imagine what else might be a problem with him down the line. The length of your hair, your choice of make-up, your friends? Controlling people welcome you into their world with open arms and all sorts of beautiful gestures, until you are taken in--and then, if you aren't careful, they begin to sabotage you until you are no longer the person you thought you were. He is dangling this proposal in front of you as yet another control thing, because he knows how badly you want it. He is tantalizing you and holding you off--and your instincts are warning you that something isn't right. Listen to your instincts.I have seen many young women at our abuse shelter who were madly in love with Mr. Right, only to find out to late that he was Mr. Wrong.Please be careful. |
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