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JAMIE
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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 Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:36 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| My name is Gian and I'm 23 years old. Jay is my boyfriend when I'm in College. I really love him but then we broke up when our family migrated in Canada. But then he try everything for us to got back together. When we became together again i didnt know that he still have relationship with another girl and had sex with her so many times. In short he cheated on me with much younger . When I found out about it he chose me, he told me that he loves me so much and I'm much better that her. Because I love him so much I forgive him, they broke up and we got married. I know I should be happy because I was the one he chose, that means his love for me is real but still I hate her so much.They still became friends. I went back in Canada but still worried that my husband will still see that girl. Everytime I think about what happen I became so mad with my husband, then we fight just because I'm so jealous. Am i stupid because I dont think I trust him but i love him so much? |
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ladyren
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:52 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| What IS your question??? |
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katydid
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:09 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| Your husband destroyed your trust. You don't have a lot of choices. Either get over it (you knew about it when you married) or leave him. If you think you can trust him, get some counseling and work on your marriage. If you don't think you can ever trust him again, why waste your time? It will eventually end in disaster if you don't trust him. |
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SweetieP
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:26 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| You don't trust him. You shouldn't trust him. He is probably still seeing her if they are still "friends," and you are way up in Canada. Pay a surprise visit to him & see what he's really up to! |
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arabiantwilight56
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:43 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| your husband is an idiot to still have her as a friend. its like oh hunny had sex with this girl but I love you and I want to get married but yet once we are she is still going to be my friend and were going to hang out is this okay with you? I would fight till the end to get her out of the picture, you have all rights to feel the way you do nothing wrong with it. Men and Woman cant be friends because much more wishes to be there even if they do choose it. |
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wolfgrey04
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| First of all are you a flock of birds? Second didn't you say you were broken up? Then how did he cheat on you???? |
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ModernMan
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:17 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| You don't know what love is. If you did, you would know what to do. I am not going to tell you. Find out for yourself. |
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JessicaT
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:34 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| ohhhhh wow. You give this guy too much power. |
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sarahB
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:51 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| sounds to me like you need to accept that he was with somone else and let go.. you have the rest of your lives together to know that he is ment for you.. keep you chin up babe and stop thinking about it...SB |
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lisha1351
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:08 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| The reason why your suspicious is because you have a good reason to be. But don't go overboard. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. And if you guys can't work it out together then you need some counseling because trust is an integral part of marriage and a marriage cannot exist without it. |
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sc_playgirl_69
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:25 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| You should've sorted out the issues you have concerning your husband BEFORE you got married...and is he aware of your feelings? What has he done to prove to you that he is trustworthy?If you cannot trust him and forgive him for what he's done, you are definitely headed for divorce.You don't have to forget his cheating, but you need to get past it in order to make your marriage work, since you claim you love him so much.Perhaps you and your husband should seek some marriage counseling. |
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bssd12000
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:42 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| No but why are you seperated since you are married? Since you did in a sense forgive him you need to let it go. Be watchful and if you find out he is having sex with that or any other girl again you have the right to leave. But if you stay you need to not bring up the past. It is understandable for you to be jealous and think that he will be seeing her again especially since they are friends. However it will do your marriage no good to start fights because of what you think. You need to know if he is cheating now not before. |
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mafiosu
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:59 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| Did you marry your husband because you love him or just to win the competition you were in with this other girl? If you don't trust your husband 100% then your marriage is in trouble. You started out wrong. This isn't about him picking you over someone else. When he told you that you were better then her he was just stroking your ego so he didn't have to deal with what his behavior created. Now he is still not dealing with the situation. They are still friends and he is expectng you to deal with it. I'd be rethinking this whole relationship if I were you. |
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April4085
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:16 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| Well honey bunny let me just say this: YOU'RE NOT WRONG!! YOU'RE NOT PETTY! AND YOU'RE NOT ABSURD!!!! You're first mistake was marrying him if he loved you then sleeping with someone else when you weren't together would not have been an option, whether he chose you or not that doesn't matter, he may think that it's love but it isn't. When you love someone, truly love someone then you would want to be with them and only them someone else isn't an option. He betrayed your trust because you loved him and he cheated on you, on top of that, he's still friend's with her? Do I have to spell it out for you? They're not just discussing coffee and the novel of the month, if you get my drift. You can't be friends with someone you've slept with. You have every right to be jealous and every right to be mad. He wants both of you and you're letting him have it. He shouldn't be fighting with you about another woman. If you're unhappy with this woman than he should definitely have given her the boot the first time you complained, but instead he argues with you about her. Does that sound right to you? He's standing up for his friendship with another woman that he slept with when he was on a break from you? NO! If you can't face the truth now, the truth will just come up and attack you from nowhere. You deserve so much better than that. If he truly loved you it would be you and only you. I'm not saying it's not love it's just not true love, and that's the only love that counts, everything else is just infatuation and loyalty. I hope you love yourself enough to make the right decision, you deserve it to yourself to be happy. Talk to him about it, tell him how unhappy it makes you that he's friends with her. See what he says if he says anything other than the word:Yes, then there's no reason for you to stay you already have your answer. Good luck sweetie! |
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dragonfire
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:33 am Post subject: Am I petty and absurb??? |
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| yes you are stupid, not because you "think" you love him ( you don't.. more on that later.. ), but because you took him back after his admission that he cheated on you "many" times with a younger girl.such blatant cheating does not make a good starting foundation for a marriage. such poor excuses and then begging you to come back is also a form of manipulation, something cheaters are good at.he does not love you.he will tell you anything for you to feel secure and comfortable.so comfortable that you married him.you will find out he is still cheating on you. in his mind he has the best of both world. in one hand he has a blindsided women as his wife who does not question his sincerity, since she "thinks" she is in love with him.on the other hand he has some girl ( probably the same girl ) he gets to see now and then for fun sex, all the wheel laughing at you a how stupid you really are for believing in him.the truth of the matter you do not love yourself ( hence why I say you do not love him ), and you lack of judgment and experience shows. you cannot love and then not trust in the same sentence. it's a contradiction. it your logical side trying to tell your failed emotional side that you made a mistake, and you logical side is correct on this one. you married the wrong guy for he wrong reason. you were desperate and with low self esteem.after all what's the hurry to get married with a cheater at 23?have you even finished your degree? got your career started?please tell me you are not going to make the mistake of having children with him? as i can see it now, a divorced, non degreed, few credits short of a degree single mother.when you love yourself, you respect yourself, and you learn to see who else respects themselves. it becomes quite apparent when a man does not. as time for him is spent with in selfish pursuits, not with you. you become an afterthought. there will be a lot of i am sorry's i can't do this or make that date. that's the clasic pattern cheaters make, as there is only so many hours in a day, and as such cheaters do a balancing act.you are still young and naive, with little sense of self. you seek validation from him, and that's wrong. you need to be self validated. a cheater's worse enemy is a strong self loving women, a good man sees her as an companion, not so with a cheater.divorce, learn a hard life lesson and feel pity for him and shame for yourself. then learn from it all. for in cheating there is nothing to get mad at him about, only yourself for being so stupid and foolish. as for him, he is insecure ( hence hwy he cheats ) and like an animal is incapable of forming lasting social relationships ( though wolves form lifelong bonds ), and thus deserving of pity. he will have a shallow life, hatred of self and others only brings the same. |
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