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luke77852435
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 22
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 Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:49 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| Is this usual or normal if your husband behaves like this - I love you but do not trust you with my money? The first time the money-discussion came up (before we were married), he said we would have a joint account where we would put all our money together and it would be good because it increases trust. But later when the topic came up again he said he meant it would be an account where we would put in our share of household expenses proportional to our incomes, and that I had misunderstood him the first time.Now that we are married and his parents behaved greedily during the wedding (wanted to keep my jewelry, were demanding money for gifts), and I am angry with all of them, he has agreed to pay joint expenses like rent and utilities (while I pay my personal expenses), but I don't think he really wanted to, it was to maintain peace in the household. I feel he is doing a favor to me. Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what did you do?He earns more than three times what I do, and I don't even have a proper job yet (still go to school). We are from India, and Indian men are traditionally supposed to provide for their wives, but maybe things have changed now? What should I do? Accept my husband's attitude about money as one of the compromises to be made in marriage? It certainly hurts and saddens me that he behaves as if I am going to steal and run away with his money (never said so, but I somehow feel so), but I guess I have to accept this and try to find happiness in this situation?To Grumpy: No, I don't spend too much, in fact, I am quite the opposite. We recently got married, before that when we were dating we split everything equally on our dates, though I was living beyond my means then and digging into my savings. I thought that was ok because we were only dating then, so he was not responsible for me. I think he is not comfortable with the idea of me having access to/ control over his money. |
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LunarxEclipse
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:01 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| No... that is not normal.... |
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Luna
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:13 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| sounds like clashing of the cultures.problem is that it's 'his' money.my wife stays home and goes to school.i make 100% of the money, yet i never say 'MY' money. it's always 'our' money.think about that for a second... |
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Luv2Answer4258
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| It doesnt sound so bad to me to have a joint account for household expenses and seperate accounts for some personal expenditures. That being said, if you have so little income of your own, it would be reasonable for your husband to give you money for your personal expenditures as well as his contribution to the joint, family account. |
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lumberg
Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Posts: 18
Location: world
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| In your case, being from India, I don't think it is uncommon. Men view women more as property and women are much more submissive in marriages in India, then the USA. |
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Luv2Answer
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:49 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| DONT GET MARRIED........... DON'T GET MARRIED....... DON'T GET MARRIED...... PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T MARRY THIS GUY....... |
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Lulu
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:01 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| NO NO AND NO AGAIN! You need to rethink what marriage is to you. NO you dont go and let him get away with this only to find that later on in life your the one providing for him because he was sick or something unfortunate happened to him. Trust is an important issue in a marriage, and if money and trust dont combine then I would walk. What is he doing with this $? does he have something on the side? Was their a prenup signed? Do you have a problem with spending too much $. I know I spend too much but my husband sits with me and talks to me he WONT tell me what you heard. |
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Luv2Answer4258
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:13 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| That is not normal! Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, that mean with all your assests. When you marry things stop being "yours" and start being "ours". He is saying that he doesn't trust you with money, but if I were you then I would be not trusting why he doesn't want it to be together. That is a big warning sign of a man who keeps a mistress, he doesn't want you seeing where his money is going. It's obviously upsetting you, his whole family sounds selfish and maybe they are putting pressure on him about the issue. I would put your foot down! |
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lumberg
Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Posts: 18
Location: world
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:25 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| that is perfectly fine.....every one does....he feels that he sould lead the family and thinks he is the leader and wants to take care of every thing. he might be just protecting you or perhaps he wants to make sure that you wont use the money up by uying expensive clothes,etc. also, he could be just saving the money for something. it is perfectly fine!!!!!!...xD |
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Lulu
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject: Money in marriage? |
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| No its not normal, marriage means you become one, including your finances!!! Anyway, If I were you I would set up your own personal account. He wants one so can you. It is not decieving in the least, and you can have a sense of your own secyrity, just use the joint for daily expenses. |
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Lunaeclipz
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 16
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