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nobodysperfect
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 27
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 Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:50 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| I know that sounds HORRIBLE, but I want to start planning our wedding w/o everyone looking at me like a psycho..We have been together for over 2 yearsWe have a wedding date set of 09/09/09We are financially ready and anticipate buying a house Dec 08We are young, but responsible enough (22 & 23, but like I said, financially ready to buy a house with a large down payment)We have enough money NOW to buy a ring, AND have the wedding of our dreamsWe both have graduated w/ business degreesHe will obtain his masters in Nov 08We both have steady jobsI know he's partially waiting because his family thinks we are too young, but they don't know the amount of money we have saved and ready (they know we're responsible, but they don't know HOW responsible we really are with our cash).What else is he waiting for? How can I convince him that now is the right time? The venue of my dreams is VERY popular and reccomends you book up 18 months in advance. It's 20 months prior now.There is no doubt in the world that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He feels the same because he's said it to me on several occasions and told his sister about it too (she's a commitment phobe, plus their fam is ultra ultra conservative and don't talk about relationships, but he told her that, so I know he means it)Yes, I want the engagement ring to make it official. We talk about wedding plans all the time, and his friends think I'm crazy because we're not "engaged", although, yes, we are, in our own little world...the date 09/09/09 is MY ideal date, and he doesn't really care, and is okay with that, earlier, or any long weekend (we have a lot of out of town family).I can't book my venue now, because it has a $5000 non-refundable deposit.Yes, he wants to make it a surprise, but I am getting antsy because I need to make everything perfect. I want to be able to shop around and take my time to NOT be a bridezilla in panic mode. I want to get things done at a relaxing pace. We want 100-150 people at the wedding.No, our friends are not pressuring us to get married. He actually has plenty of commitment-phobe friends, or friends that are just not ready, or don't have a girlfriend at all! (We're young).Yes, we're young, and we've acknowledged that, but we are very responsible mature adults that take care of ourselves.yes, we have a lot saved up, no college debt, no credit card debt, no car loan, no anything, pure savings. and it's normal from our culture (we are chinese), that our parents pay for EVERYTHING. they paid for school, college, car insurance. we both live at home with our respective parents, because in our culture, we don't move out until we get married...so no housing.his parents are not giving him clues about waiting until he's done with masters, because 1) they don't know! it's a surprise from us to them. 2) we are not paying for it, nor are they paying for it because his job pays for it 100%. yes, we both have careers that pay us well (or at least good enough).he seems to think that there is this exact, definate moment in time...an epiphany basically to get to the exact point where he gets down on one knee...and he's waiting for that one perfect moment. but, i don't believe in that one exact moment. i believe in taking the dive and jumping in the water to learn how to swim, you know? you can't learn how to swim w/o getting in the water first (i just came up with that....pretty clever huh?.....or has that been said somewhere before...anyway)IG64 - I never mention my perfect boyfriend because isn't that part obvious? I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't in love with.IG64- (more..)He knows, & I know that we don't want to get married next week (or anytime soon for that matter). We will NOT rent, because it is a waste of money. We don't anticipate buying a house until the market is at its absolute low (predicted for end of this year, and expected to rise slowly but surely right after that) and when we have a 20% d-payment towards a min 3 bdrm house no more than 20 mins from downtown Seattle (yes, very expensive). Luckily for us, our finances add up to the right amount right at October/November of this year. So yes, we plan on living together before we get married, against family traditions, but that wedding date is also good-luck for our culture.I know he's not saying we are going to get married "just to get me to shut up" because we talk about a lot of the details. Everything is set in stone, except the fact that there is no stone on my finger. His parents, extended, know we plan on getting married Summer of 09, just nothing official yet.Everything is set--when we want to get married, when we want to have kids, our kids names, our pets, what kind of house, garden, backyard, what kind of schools, sports, arts our kids will be in..the only thing that is missing is the ring and the announcement to friends/fam. there is no doubt that we are ready and committed to each other, i just want to be able to announce it to our friends/fam. we know approx where we want our wedding (my dream venue is pricey, so we just might not go there, but we have several others in mind), we know our guest list, who will stand up for us, what our cake looks like, the colors, wedding favors..everything is set.MY fam (less traditional than his), know we are already "engaged" and we've been getting engagement/house warming gifts for a year now. They ask often when we are going to "set the date"... we haven't told anyone the date (except my mom) because we don't want to have everybody set on that date, just in case something doesnt work out with the date (i.e. our venue is booked, we choose to do the long weekend instead). |
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Noelle
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:55 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| If he has the money and he hasn't proposed then maybe he just isn't ready yet? Let him do it in his own time, don't pressure him or it will never happen, at least not for the right reasons. |
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Noelle
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| why would you want to convince him? can't he make that decision on his own? just because you are ready doesn't mean he is. could be that he is still trying to decide if you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. a marriage is alot easier to get into that out of. sounds kind of selfish to me. |
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NobbyNoidea
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| There are a lot of things you "need" more than money in order to get married. Maturity is much more important than finances. If your guy is not ready for marriage, give him time. If you force the issue, you will either lose him or end up in a bad marriage. |
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NobbyNoidea
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:09 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| why wait for him go a head ask him and have a blast doing it ,i ask my husband and we have been married for 5 great months now and he was scared at first but once he started to plan the wedding and all and when he knew i could do it all on my own he was jumping in head first so ASK HIM |
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nml2573
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:14 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| Make sure you want to marry your boyfriend because you want to be with him and not because you just want to get married think Bridezilla. |
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NMG
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:19 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| You have 4 choices:1) wait2) end it/don't wait3) give an ultimatum4) propose to himThese choices all suck in my opinion...but that is how it is.If you and he have decided on a date of 09/09/09 and the venue you want is booking...then shouldn't you mention that to him?Is this your imagined date or is this his date too? If it's both of you in on this....he should be proposing. It takes awhile to plan a wedding; maybe he doesn't know that. MAYBE he wants it to be a surprise and you should back off and relax.However, you can't force him or else you will ruin that moment for yourself. |
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nml
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:24 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| No matter how successful you are and how much money you have, you are still very, very young. Trust me. There is no rush...slow down and enjoy what you have now. What is meant to be will be and you don't need to rush anyone into something they are not ready for. They'll only resent you for it. And then you'll have to use all that money you have to pay for your divorce. |
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NobbyNoidea
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:29 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| If you have a wedding date set, then apparently SOMEONE has proposed. If you are both in agreement on the wedding date, the I would think it's ok to go ahead and begin making the preliminary plans. This is kind of confusing....does he want to get married or NOT? It sounds like you want to get married NOW! Or is it that you want an engagement ring? |
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NMG
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:34 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| How could you have already set a date together, if he hasn't proposed? Also why would you want to convince him, wouldn't it feel better if he did it because he wanted to, and not because you wanted him to? |
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Noelle
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:38 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| Just because you're financially ready, doesn't mean you're ready . But talk to him about it. Say that since you guys have set the date, would it be all right if you book the venue of your dreams, since it needs to be booked now |
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NoahHope
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:43 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| He has his reasons. And you have a wedding date set... you just want him to propose so you can start planning the wedding. Calm down, and let him do it in his own time. But he waits like too long and the wedding date starts getting closer then you might wanna say something. |
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nml
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:48 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| Has your wedding date of 09/09/09 been agreed on by both of you? If so, then explain that the venue books up quickly and you have wondered if you guys should go ahead and book it just so you will have it reserved if you do decide to get married on that date. See what he says. There's nothing wrong with booking the venue. You don't have to tell anyone else. Then when he proposes, you have the place reserved. It may be a little different, but it would be okay. |
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nml2573
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:53 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| Do you really want to marry someone that you have to convince? Getting a Masters is HARD WORK and this is probably something he's just not wanting to think about right now. It's clear, as you're buying a house together, that he anticipates being together for a while and there's nothing wrong with long engagements. Why not take him somewhere nice on the break from school if hes not crazy focused on his thesis and propose to him yourself? Buy a ring on your own and find a beach and make clear that you're okay with it being two years from now, you'd just like to set a date and know that this is what you both want.Btw...if you're looking for the awe and surprise and "I'll love you forever and I want you to be my wife." It might not happen with this guy. My husband always assumed that I knew we would get married and so never proposed until I said, "Why are you always talking about when we're married, no one has asked me to marry him yet" and he did right there on the phone. Didn't make me love him any less. |
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Noelle
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:58 am Post subject: How can I convince my bf to propose? |
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| wait, wait, wait....you have a date set, and he hasn't proposed yet?i think your way ahead of yourself, and need to slow it down a bit. if its meant to be, it will happen, and you need to let go of some of the control... |
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