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JMo3560
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 60
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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 7:09 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Please read: If you aren't sympathetic, you might at least get a good laugh.We got engaged and I spent months looking at dresses and books for the wedding. My fiance was in boot camp then. He came home (he had too many panic attacks) and got a marriage license just a little while later. He said that he didn't want a big wedding, but I did. Anytime I talked about the dresses I wanted or the cake..whatever, he would say "We can talk about it later" Well, we only had a month until the license ran out. It came down to it, and I said something about how we were going to have to get another license and he said that we weren't paying another $100 for one, so we needed to just do it. I was really upset, but I just said fine. We got married the next morning after church on Father's Day 2005. The night before he called everyone but my family was four hours away and they couldn't come on such short notice. NONE of my family was there. I didn't have a white dress, so he took me to the mall.I couldn't find anything he like liked so I just said forget it, and wore a black and white dress I had. We got ready and his aunt came out with this horrid plastic bouquet that she had used in the 80s and his grandfather, whom I'd only known for a few months, walked me down the isle. His father married us, and that was it. After, we went to his Aunts and they had bought us a cake at Food City. It had "Congratulations" with our names on it, and they spelled my name wrong! I was so embarrassed. Well, we left and I wondered if he had anything special planned for the afternoon since we didn't do anything big for the wedding, and he took me over to his cousins. We sat there and they played Halo. I sat outside crying. After, we went home. I didn't want him to know how upset I was, so I went in the bathroom..I was still crying and he came in and I explained to him that WE JUST GOT MARRIED! and we were sitting at home like nothing happened. He apologized and suggested that we go get a PIZZA!Now, let me tell you..we aren't dirt poor or anything... we have money and could have had a great wedding.. he just didn't want to invest any effort and kept putting it off until I was so discouraged I just didn't want to fight with him about it. I just can't get over it, though. It was supposed to be the best day of my life, the day I had dreamed about since I was little, and it was awful. I didn't have any say about anything, and I was so embarrassed. The worst part is that if we're watching a wedding on tv or go to one, I get upset and he gets mad like I shouldn't care. He says I blow it out of proportion and that it wasn't THAT bad. MY NAME WAS SPELLED WRONG ON MY WEDDING CAKE...SOMEPLACE MY NAME SHOULD NEVER BE IN THE FIRST PLACE and I don't have a wedding video. How do I make him understand that? I want to have a ceremony on our fifth anniversary and write our own vows, but he says no.. why can't he understand how important this is to me? |
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JMo
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:25 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| well, gee, it sounds like your wedding was disappointing to you in some ways... and that no one was very cooperative in allowing you to plan it.we do have to come to some sort of compromise when we get married... sort of "meet in the middle" if one wants a huge wedding and the other doesn't. since you have money for a big wedding, why not take a BIG HONEYMOON? hell, i would.... i think that would be more fun anyway...have you two discussed something like that? if i had the choice between a big wedding and a neat trip, i would take the trip.signed -- been married, done that, and think a wonderful vacation honeymoon would have beat a huge wedding any old day.take care, and i hope you get some good answers. |
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JMo
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 9:41 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Perhaps you should have a five year divorce ceremony? Jeez sweetheart are you brow beat? If you were poor I could understand, but you say you have money. This guy is a piece of work, what a selfish bastard! A lot of us guys don't understand why that stuff is so important to women, however we have sense enough see that it means a lot to you and so then we should give it importance if for no other reason than to make you happy because we care about you. He sounds really immature to me. You should just train him like a dog, ala Cesar Millan the dog whisperer! LOL! |
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JMo
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:57 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| I actually don't find it funny. I find it sad. I can relate, too. But first, it is possible the panic attacks are why he didn't want a big wedding. It sounds like he is not telling you what is going on with him.However, he does not seem to be giving your feelings any consideration, and I know ***for me*** that's not what I want in a husband.My wedding only had his people there. We went to Applebees afterwards. The food was bad. I felt like it was just another day. And, it's pretty much been a pattern for the last year, and we're not going to make it.I need someone who is sensitive to my feelings and who understands what is important to me. I don't need someone who thinks that I'm making a big deal out of things.I think your husband is emotionally unaware. Memories are important! So are your feelings, and so are YOU! |
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JMo
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| he had his way on the wedding. how about you create a post-wedding party so that you will be able to enjoy whatever it was that you have planned? |
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jmada05
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:28 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Wow! Do you love him? I couldn't believe what I was reading! ... and then played Halo? Oh my gosh!!! I am sooooo sorry for you because he has shown you what he's made of. What would it be like when you're ready to go to the hospital to deliver your first child?? I'm sure he will have found some old t-shirt from one of his buddies for your baby's going home outfit, that is if he remembered to ask them for it after their battle of Nintendo. I'm not sure what your relationship is based on, but you must have seen this personality shine through, didn't you? Mostly, though, I feel very sad for you. In answer to your question, I think that he is just very lazy, immature and selfish. It's time for him to start showing you alot of respect, and he needs to make up your wedding day to you. That wasn't even cool at all!!!!! He needs to start by taking you on a beautiful honeymoon of YOUR CHOICE! Then in case he didn't "get around to it" when you get back, you both need to go to a jewelry store (not a pawn shop) and YOU get to pick out a beautiful ring that he's going to buy for you. He needs to start showing you that YOU mean ALOT to him, and that things are going to change! Good Luck to you! Hey, whatever happens, DON'T let him bring you down! Don't lose your self worth for him! You keep being STRONG and NEVER give up on your dreams! Good Luck, sis!!! |
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jmckhobbs
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:44 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| What is your marriage like?Although some of it looks funny i.e. the plastic bouquet, I think that there were a few really big red flags that you should have paid attention to.1. He is controlling and things get done his way or no way.2. He is cheap. Not spending another $100 on a wedding license was more important to him than making you happy.I do think that you could have survived without the video and ALL the bells and whistles, but you should have had your family there, a nice dress that you wanted and a few concessions at least. However, your biggest mistake was saying "fine". You should not have agreed to it. If you would be willing to agree to this in order to avoid a fight or bigger hassle with him, you are contributing to him being domineering and you need to nip that in the bud early in your marriage.The 2 of you are going to need to work together to learn how to compromise & put the other one first. I think this will be more difficult for him. Instead of dwelling on the wedding, work hard on the marriage. The wedding is over, don't allow the marriage to be. You can always have the big wedding when you renew your vows - maybe at your 10 year anniversary?? |
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