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LoveHeather
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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 Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:23 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| The last 7 years I've put up with a self-centered, bossy FSIL. She only cares about making herself and her daughter happy and believes that everyone else should do the same - right down to paying their rent. Until now, I've put up with the rudeness. The problem is our upcoming nuptials. One holiday, after putting up with whining about how we need to get rid of our cat because her daughter is allergic, to announcements that we would be taking care of her daughter for 3 months out of the year (without asking us first), she asked what the attire is for the wedding (beach). I replied that black, white and red are customary colors to avoid in my family. She said she didn't care and she was wearing black. This small, last indication of her selfishness pushed me over the edge. She is now crying because she is not invited to the bachelorette party and feels persecuted because of that and the color issue. I worry I'm causing a rift between my man and his brother. I feel guilty - should I?By dressing in black I mean she is goth - and we have other goth people who are coming who are turning it down since the wedding is on the beach. She's also about 20 years my senior (in regards to the bachelorette party). Just wondering if these details would edit some answers - if they wouldn't i definitely need to know so I know if i'm overreacting!And i definitely would have curbed this attitude had I had the chance - my family finds her appalling - whereas my FH family has just put up with it as they don't want to upset her. It's sad, really, because now they're trying to make sure that this monster they've created doesn't make me upset on what should be a very important day of my life. |
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LucienB
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:56 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| Who cares what color the spoiled little witch is wearing? This is a gal to ignore and have the standard reply..." Do what ever you want" Everyone else will know what she is...consider the source is a good phrase to use if anyone should comment...Besides, the bachelorette party is only for the bridal party anyway...she shouldn't be there! |
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lovemandycandy
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 8:29 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| she's a wench. i think your feelings are normal! i would try to just get along. even if it's simply being un-rude. keep any answers short and simple. try to stay away from her. she's stressing you out too much:((((( |
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luena22
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:03 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| She does sound unbearable, BUT after 7 years you've had ample time to develop a thick skin. It's your cat, the daughter needs to take a Benadryl or stay home. The daughter is her responsibility, not yours, and the 3 month care taking thing is outrageous. I'm not quite sure what the significance of black, red or white are to your family, but....... guests are generally free to make their own wardrobe selections. Don't feel guilty, but I would not even fight this woman- that's your husband's job, since she's his inlaw (not even his sister, to you she's an inlaws wife!) |
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loribean2003
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| i don't think you should make a big deal regarding her color choice. black is very in style for weddings...and do you think it may just be easier to invite her to the bachelorette party? why wouldn't she be? even though you don't get along great, it would normally be appropriate to invite her if she's in your general age range...after all, she is about to be your family. Just try to ignore her neediness. |
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loudertui
Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:09 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| I think you and your FH let her go to far years ago...you should have put your foot down and neither of you would be in this mess.That being said...put your foot down and have you FH speak up about the situation too. Stick to your decisions, don't faulter or she will never take you seriously. |
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Luther
Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:42 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| Ask your fiance if he thinks the two of you should placate her childishness. If he thinks it's driving a rift between himself and his brother, then invite her to the bachelorette party and just don't hang out with her all that much. If he doesn't think you need to make nice with her (remember, it sounds like he's been offended by her rudeness too!) then just explain to her that, traditionally, the bachelorette party is for close friends of the BRIDE and that it is not your place to invite members of the groom's extended family. Aside from that, I's just say let it all go. Tell her to wear whatever pleases her. Your family will find her to be rude, but if she doesn't care about that then, well, she IS rude and will deserve their scorn. Just say to yourself, "It doesn't matter. I can't control her and it isn't worth it to try. She's not worth it. " |
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Lotus84
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:15 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| You said it yourself, you have put up with this for 7 years, so why should marrying change that?, especially when they are used to you putting up with it anyway.I am sorry to say you should've drawn the line a loooong time ago. What does your man have to say about that?, after all, it's his family.So she wants to use black, ok, let her, the only one who will be sweltering in the heat wil be her, so if that is what she wants, let her do it. It is not your problem if she makes a poor choice, even if it is just to annoy you.You are not obligated to get rid of your cat because of someone else's allergies, I take it she does not live with you (God Forbid!) and you are also not obligated to take care of someone else's daughter three months out of the year, especially when you were never asked about this in the first place. You are not obligated to pay their rent either. If you plan to have children you will need the money, make sure hubby knows that.Will your man back you up, or will he back them up? Check this first because unfortunately, when you marry the man, in a way you do marry the family as well, but that does not entail obligations towards them in any way. Maybe she just enjoys annoying you. And you enjoy annoying her. It takes two to tango.Check out the comment about the wedding beach attire. You could've just mentioned that because of the heat, people prefer to wear light colors and fabrics. That would've been the right answer, she did not ask about your family's preferences and you did that to annoy her yourself, so you knew which button to push and she went for it.Seems like you have a lot of unresolved issues that need to be addressed like RIGHT NOW, before you marry. |
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Lorzie2942
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:49 am Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| I dont get why she'd ask what the attire is, and than go "i dun care - i'm wearing black!'... WHY ASK!? Ok... i have a long history of dealing with selfish princesses... i think you should talk to her. In my VAST experiences, most of these people are the way they are because people havent stepped up to tell them its wrong. I'd sit her down, hand her a tissue and explain. its not about the color issue, you really could care less what she wears to the wedding. Its her attitude, and the tone she brings to any situation. Shes very rude and self centered, and would bring down the energy level of your festive event. If she were a nicer person, and could keep the focus of the day on you - and not her - you might change your mind on her participation. (You dont have to change your mind... but she might show an effort in changing) |
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Lucky0096
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| Ok, I get you on trhis one.. trust me. My future sister in law egged my car, caused many childish large fights at family events. And, for the most part, I cant stand her. I think she is self absorbed, selfish, and really would prefer to go on with life without her. That being said, I made her a bridesmaid, why you ask? Well, I figured the 2 of us could put all this aside to celebrate a day that is special. It's my wedding but it is a family affair and I dont want to regret it in years to come. Although, before Iasked her, we sat down and we talked like adults. We agreed to put all this behind us and she hasnt been a problem since. See if you can talk to her like an adult, and invite her. Tell her why you didnt invite her, be honest and just see if you can hash it out. |
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LucienB
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: How to deal with Future in-laws days before the wedding? |
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| I don't entirely disagree with your feelings, but I do wonder why it is a big deal in your family to avoid certain colors. I can understand the white because then you would be matching the bride, but why are black & red avoided?I told my FSIL that she's welcome in our house so long as she can cope with our pets (she is highly allergic to animals). Sort of a "you are always welcome, but we come with animals". And afterward I told her the bright side is that there are plenty of hotels nearby. And I actually like my future in-laws. |
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