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GW
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 13
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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:37 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| Early on in our relationship I knew he was the "one" and have been waiting all my life for this moment. Is our trust and honesty ruined for life? We are planning our wedding where we moved nearly 4,000 mi away from home, and many guests will be traveling far to attend. It appears I have found out very early on and I don't suspect cheating, yet. I want to address the issue before anything happens. As many couples do, we have minor communication issues which are being worked through and we have had many, many life changes in such a short period of time, we both have endured an excess amount of stress (moving, new jobs, new home, family loss). I realize there are various reasons why men cheat and I can't pinpoint his reason/s until we discuss. In the meantime, how should this be approached and resolved or am I just getting myself into a disaster? My dream has been shattered. |
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Guy
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| Tell him that you have a sizzors and arnt afraid to use them if he ever gits on that website again. |
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GymnGeameDism
Joined: 08 Jan 2008
Posts: 8
Location: Russia
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| I sympathize with you. That sounds like a really hard situation. I recommend that you forget the pressure of the wedding for a few days (or weeks) to handle the issue and take care of your feelings first. You should talk to someone about it, maybe even a professional who can help you to get perspective. Another thing to consider is that internet porn is for many people an addiction. There are help groups that focus on that...something to consider if it's that big on an issue. |
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gymnneaccesy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: FN
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| I will tell you right now.............porn is a "huge" problem in marriages, it keeps getting worse and often leads to cheating in person! I don't care if he promises you he won't do it anymore........HE WILL! You should cancel the wedding now. If you marry this man you are going to have a lot of heartache. You may think he is the man of your dreams.....but he is not feeling you are the woman of his dreams. For him to do this, it shows utter disrespect of you! This is not love! If you go through with this wedding, you are going to be in a downward spirial from there......This is a huge RED FLAG.........listen to it! Don't hide your head in the sand and think everything is all beautiful....when it is NOT. |
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Gwen
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| Tell him about it immediately. You need to address it now. Threaten to leave and make sure he knows you mean business. Tell him you will leave him at the alter like an idiot if you even suspect he is on a dating site again |
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hackbuster
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| hmm communication hun.. but all men watch porn so dont ban him that |
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gymnneaccesy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: FN
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:56 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| If it were me, I'd cancel the wedding. |
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gymnneaccesy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: FN
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:00 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| I confess, I've been in a 4 year relationship and I watch porn, alone and with him. I lived about 50 miles away from him for 3 years so I didn't get to see him much during high school. I know he does the same. In my opinion, porn isn't cheating. If you've never told him that you don't want him to watch it, he probably doesn't see a problem in doing it. I would def. talk to him...If it's something that you don't feel comfortable with him doing/watching, talk to him! |
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gyncdrymn
Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 12
Location: FI
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| its a difficult situation to be in, i undertstand, but all men watch porn, in many forms wether it be on the net, home vids, professional dvd's and mags, the only thing that would worry me is the webcam, confront him about it, he could have just signed up through sheer curiosity, but i myself would not like him chatting to naked girls on webcams! Thats a deffinate no go zone, ask him if he would be ok if you went on sites like this and chatted to naked men etc etc, im sure he would disaprove! like someone said on here, it COULD be a warning sign that all is not well in your relationship sexwise, i would not let this slip and u need to sit down with him and get it all out in the open, if he loves you then he will respect your worry and stop going on there. good luck xx |
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hackbuster
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| The web porn isn't the problem, it's merely a symptom of something deeper and (unfortunately) darker. I personally would confront him calmly, tell him that you can't be with someone who would do that to you, and let him know it will not be tolerated. If he is marrying you, the porn has got to go and you both need premarital counseling to discover if you are even truly compatible. I hate to make this blanket statement, but a lot of women want so badly to be married that they turn a blind eye to this kind of behavior. It will not get better without getting to the root of his desire to seek out other women, and you don't deserve to be worrying yourself sick over the possibility that he might take things to the next level with someone online. |
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gypsyg
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:10 am Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| you really need to talk to him about it if you want to salvage what is left of this relationship. it sounds like it might not be worth saving, if this is the beginning what would the end be like? do some serious thinking before making your decision |
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gymnneaccesy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: FN
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:13 am Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| just join him |
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h20wifey
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:16 am Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| Call off the wedding and tell him good-bye. Things will only get worse from now on. |
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hackbuster
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:19 am Post subject: Please help. Recently engaged and found out my fiance signed |
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| You'll be divorced within 3 years if you get married.This is a BEHAVIOR, not a one time thing. He will NOT STOP after you get married. He will not!!If you can live with that, then go ahead, but you are stupid if you think he'll stop. And don't believe ANYTHING HE SAYS. Of course, he's going to say he'll stop. But he won't. |
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