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qp94aj
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 25
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 Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:23 am Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| We have been married for 2 years. My wife has two boys from a previous relationship (father and family is nonexistent). We have one boy together. When we got married my mom was against it all together, but went along with it. After the wedding it wasn't bad, it appeared as if all would get along. Then my younger brother got married and there was a few incidents. My wife rhetorically said "this stupid weding cost so much" and my wife hung up the phone on my mom when we were late to a rehersal party, my mom took both events overly personal. After this a series of events has snowballed into me and my wife not talking to my mom. Including, my mom not talking to my wife or stepkids, only my bio child, and my mom buying minimal gifts for the step kids. My brothers are also less open with me, not sure why. My wife just wants to move away to another part of the country. My dad has cancer and probably only a few more years, I dont want to move. I think my mom might disown me. What do I do? |
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BridgetS
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 1:07 pm Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| By getting married, your wife over your family. |
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max_rochny0681
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 4:51 pm Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| try 1 more time talking to your Mom and wife, no progress, send your Mom a get well card. |
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zyramoney
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| IN MY OPINION I SAY,YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND SO DOES YOUR MOTHER.YOU HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE AND WHY WAIST IT BY STRESSING THE FACT THAT TWO PEOPLE YOU LOVE DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER.NOW IF SHE LOVED YOU UNCONDITIONALLY LIKE A MOTHER SHOULD,IT WOULDN'T MATTER WHO YOU MARRY AS LONG AS YOUR HAPPY. |
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Hector
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| you're mom wont disown you, the thing is you're mom is happy that you're married but she doesnt like that you're wife has two kids from some other guy, chances are shes gonna have to accept you and you're wife, sorry bout you're dad tho |
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byasea
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:03 am Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| Moms usually see things in their children's mates that maybe you don't see. Maybe she sees a problem ahead with this certain person. Things you're too blind to see at this moment. Its hard to watch your child mess up his life and just stand there and not do anything. Of course you have the right to make your own choices, but take a deep breath and ask your mom what it is she doesn't like about the new wife. Maybe she'll open your eyes. I'm not being mean, but usually, women with small children are only looking for security. Oh, yes, they will lie through their teeth to get it. If your mom and brother both see something wrong, you better check yourself. |
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susta1951
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:47 am Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| is your mother's name GOD ? then pray for her and live your life the best that you can. that's all we can do. don't let her controll you and your family. only give god almighty controll over your life and family, bless you and yours. |
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Erica1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| When you get married and have children, they become your immediate family. Your immediate family before you were married becomes your extended family (this includes sibilings and parents).In this case, I would encourage you to consider which relationships are the most important and concentrate on that. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Sometimes we find we need to cut of ties from people who are a part of our family when they are not respecting us. It is okay to cut things off and when they learn to accept and respect you, then start over. If you are not doing anything illegal or immoral with your choices in life, they need to butt out.My mother asked me when I couldn't deal with my father anymore "if he wasn't your father, would he be your friend?". that helped me put things into perspective. I was able to get my head on straight, live my life, and when he was ready, I was able to maintain some type of a civil and respectful new relationship with my father. |
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Momof5
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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Ugh, I think family is put on this earth to teach up patience.  I went through the same thing, not identical, but the same type of manipulation. My husband and I butt heads with my parents over stupid things really, but what it boiled down to is that my Dad in particular has a need to feel "needed" and he has to have control over me and our family (a lot stems back to him wanting to be in control of me so that I don't tell people about some things he did to me as a teenager). We didn't realize this, just thought his actions were eccentrics, but when we stayed with them for two weeks when we moved in from out of state and were in the process of moving to our new home near them, everything blew up. And they would not accept any apologies from me unless I said that the entire thing was my fault and none of it was theirs (it was mostly theirs but I was not patient and lost my temper here and there). They then opened their mouths and turned my sister, my grandfather/mother and my great aunt against me too, which is what it sounds like is happening to you. At this point it sounds like she is manipulating your entire family. She is going to affect your children by showing preference to one versus the others, she is going to affect your relationships with the rest of your family. You are going to have to let go of her. I don't see any way around it. You cannot let her walk over you, or it will get worse later, down the road, and it's putting stress on your marriage, etc... Your Mom is holding your relationship with your Dad over your head, and using that as leverage to manipulate you and do whatever she likes. If you let her hold this over your head there will be no end to what happens. It will get worse and worse. It reached the point of people threatening my family and family members thinking that I abused my kids because of the lies that my Dad spread around, all because he couldn't get me to do what he wanted. So I guess the question is, how far are you willing to let her go, how much damage will she do, because she will push it more and more unless you put your foot down and show that you care more about your family than her, and would be willing to sacrifice her for your family. Can you still spend time with your Dad or at least talk to him without your Mom being involved? I too had to give up my Mom in order to save my sanity and my family, my Dad is the one with the issues and he would convince her of everything that I "was", until it reached the point that she was basically a copy of him and I didn't have a relationship with her either (same with my sister). But there is more beyond this. Once you separate yourself you will find that you will be constantly thinking about this, growing through it, and discovering things that you didn't realize, and you will be more and more thankful that you have pulled away and decided to put your family first. This is what has happened to me this past year, I have really grown alot and I just cannot fathom the ways that my Dad was controlling me that I didn't realize, and I am so thankful that I have broken free of that. I will never go back. I am willing to protect me and my family by not having a relationship beyond friendly emails, I refuse to get into any debates with them, and if they email something odd I ignore it and try to let go of it. You have to realize alot of this behavior is attention getting, it's basically like a three year old acting up just to get your attention, and the more you give it, either by debating with her, etc... the more it's going to give her satisfaction. Sit down with your wife, decide what is in the best interest of your family, and go from there. You don't have to necessarily MOVE away, but it sounds like things need to be broken off with your Mom. This is just my opinion, it took me a number of years to realize this with my parents, and I am so thankful that I did. I will still honor them and respect them when, but I cannot have a relationship with them, my trust is fully broken in them. I occasionally email them back and forth, but I refuse to answer any emails beyond pleasantries, and I will not visit them nor have them visit us. You are united with your wife and kids first, and they come first. Feel free to email me any advice, etc... or ask questions, etc... I've been there, done that. |
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BusyBeeMeee
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: My mom wont accept my wife and step kids. It is hurting our |
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| I would sit them both down in the same room and talk about what is happening to the family. Let one speak until finished and so forth. Not everyone talking all at once. Tell everyone to have a open mind and try to see the others point of view on things. This may be all a misunderstanding somewhere. If things have been said and taken another way, then explain things so each of them so they understand what the other one was trying to say in the first place. You have started a new family with your wife and step kids. My step kids act like they really do not want a relationship with me at times, but I show/give them respect, love, understanding and be there if they need me or want me. And I still love them like they are my own kids. Good luck… |
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