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blogcigs
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 8
Location: USA
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 Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| you should really advise your soon to be MIL that you just simply can't afford to pay for all those people and that you are glad to invite them if she is willing to pay for her guests (that means rentals, catering, drinks, taxes and gratituity) then you would be glad to send out invitations to her guests.Don't let her take over and your HTB should really take your side on this. It is HIS wedding TOO! |
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blossom
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| I am heated for you! First of, you need to tell your HTB about your budget. If you are paying $75 per person for food and misc expenses, your MIL just paid for an additional 4 guests to the wedding. Therefore, there will be 4 people added to the guest list. That means you have to deal with an 89 people guest list. Second, calculate the amount spend on the invitations. Does the $75 per person include the cost of the invitations? If it doesnt, since she didnt pay for the invitations, she doesnt get her name in them. If it does, she gets her name in those 4, hand-made invitations. And tell her she owes your mother and your aunt a thank you card for their efforts. I am livid for you. I dont think you understand. This is your wedding. If she treats you like this for tis event, how will she treat you during the rest of your life with her son? Oh, and I am more livid with him than with the MIL. He needs to grow a pair of ... you know. |
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blondiexo
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:38 am Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| I'd take a real deep breath, kiss you HTB, and then call his mom, and tell her that you appreciate that she offered to pay for the additional guests, but that you are keeping the guest list you currently have. Let her know that she is important, but that you are only planning on getting married once, and you've reached the limit on what you can handle. If she doesn't like that or if she yells, explain to her that she is welcomed to renew her vows to her husband, and invite anyone she likes. It sounds like she either wants to show off, or didn't get the wedding she wanted, so she's trying to push it on you. As far as the invitations, that's simple, tell her the order has already been put in, and you can't change it. You may have to remind her that it's your wedding, not hers. If you really want to shock her back to reality, try this- 150 people * $75= $8625. Tell her she needs this amount to get her name on the invitation, otherwise, the list stays where it is. I'm so mean....... |
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blogforlovxr
Joined: 05 Feb 2008
Posts: 12
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:04 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| well ma let me help you out on this.it is your wedding and the spot light is on you not your inlaws or whoever puts the most towards your day.it's not about who puts what its how to families come together to witness and be a part of one of the most beautiful bindings there is and if your in law is worried more about her name being on the invitation then she doesn't need to be cause you and her son are getting married not you her and her son.that's the least of your worries ma.you and your husband have a lifelong beautiful journey before the both of you and there will be obstacles that wont make everyday a sunny day but that you have him and he has you,enjoy eachother and the most god giving day that he is blessing you both with. |
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BloodscytheT
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:29 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| wow i know exactly what you are talking about.my fiance has a huge family and she wants everyone invited so i am going to talk to her about it. and you know what im actually going to talk to the guest about maybe piching in. his family is pretty close so i know they wouldnt mind. i want to have a 75 ppl wedding and its upto 115 now.its really expensive.and his family is pitching in with invitations, cake or wedding accesories. so that kind of helps us out a tab. |
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blorieljuli
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 8
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| She needs to be stopped. This is not about her. If your future hubby will not stand up and put a stop to his bulldozer of a mom, you are gonna have problems all your life. If he won't stand up now he is not going to later on and just think how this woman is gonna act once you have a baby. Frankly I think you need to drop the wedding, the guy and the nightmare mother in law you are getting as a BIG part of the package. RUN GIRL RUN |
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blogforloversxx
Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 10
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 1:21 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Ok welcome to the rest of your life if you marry this man. He is a wuss who won't stand up to his mom, and that's not going to change after you get married. He is the one who should be talking to his mom about how unreasonable she is being. Obviously you aren't going to change your invitations at this point and obviously you aren't going to invite all these extra people. If he won't tell her no, you'll have to, but don't bring it up. Let her ask again and at that point mention that invitations and guest list are done, and have been done for quite some time and neither are going to be changed. She will be pissed, there's nothing you can do about that. Like I said welcome to the rest of your life.CindyLu has a really good point. |
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blink19782002
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 1:47 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Everyone else has answered the question about the wedding but as for the future child, she cannot change your religion and if you fall out with your mother in law, then name your child after her mother, your always going to be reminded of her, that is the last thing you want!The wedding is yours and your fiance's, you don't want to start married life in debt and if you point that out to her she might come to her senses. |
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Blineeslels
Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 16
Location: Chile
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Tell her NO. You are being sensible and doing a wedding you can afford. Does she want her son to begin his life with a new family in great debt?Tell her if she wants these people there she can pay the full amout for each person she invites ($75) and even after having done that she cannot have her name on the invitation as they have already beed made so it is impossible.Tell her how it is. She will hate you she will also get over it.You can also tell her that the wedding venue does not fit any more people than those you invited. |
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BLM
Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:38 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Normally, I'd go for trying to accomodate the inlaws, but she is really out of line here. With some people, you just have to be quite direct and firm. You tell her that you won't be inviting an additional 100 or so people to the wedding, but if she has (you set a limit) 10 special guests she'd really like to have included, you'd be able to accomodate them. Offer her her check back, and if she won't take it, just tell her it won't be cashed. As for the invitations, they've already been printed, and unless she wants to pay the entire cost of reprinting them, they won't be reprinted. End of story. This is not a negotiation--she needs to know that. Don't worry about the kids issue--you have other battles to fight! Since this fiance doesn't want to open his mouth, make sure he knows that odes not mean you plan to let her walk all over you. If he still doesn't want to say anything, the aftermath is on him.Under no circumstances whatsoever would I permit someone to raise their voice at me. I would plainly tell her, this conversation is over the minute she starts yelling, and hang up the phone. |
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blondiexo
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| I would mail the check back with a nice note saying that at $75/person the $300 doesn't begin to cover it so you won't be able to add the extra 200 people. You appreciate her wanting to help but it's just not enough for the people she wants to invite. Then, I would tell her that the invitations are already made and ready to be sent out so it's too late to change them. You appreciate her wanting to help out but that everything is under control and that you'll see her at the wedding. I would sign it your loving future daughter in law and your name. Kill them with kindness and there's nothing they can really do. Then, I would have your wedding with the 85 people you are inviting, enjoy it and move to Florida and live your new life with your future husband. |
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blogforloversxx
Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 10
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:29 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Take the bill for the caterer to her and tell her that at $75 per person you can't afford to invite all the extra people. Tell her that you appreciate the offer of $ 300 but that it is just impossible to do what she is asking. Have your fiance stand by your side. If she yells at you turn and walk away or tell her that it is not OK for her to treat you like that. Put stamps on your invites and send them out. Your family should not have to redo everything because of her. You already know that your children will be Jewish because you are. Good luck but stand your ground and don't allow her to yell at you. It is unacceptable and you need to tell your fiance that you won't allow it and he needs to help you out on this because it hurts you. |
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blogcigs
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 8
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:55 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| Don't invite the extra guests, period. Don't change the invitations. Since your fiance appears to be "afraid" of his own mother, then I guess you'll have to be the "man" here and write a note for HIM so that he can hand it to her. Return her check with the note telling her that you and her son have decided to not change the guest list. Tell her that neither you nor she can afford to have more people and that you're keeping it to just very close family and friends with no cousins. You can't go out and spend 10-15 grand on a bunch of people you don't know. |
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blklacquer
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:21 pm Post subject: is it wrong...? |
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| I say add only the ones out of those that mom-in-law insisted to add that your groom wants to even be there because $300 doesn't even cover the amount she requested to re-add. Period. It's yours and your Grooms' wedding not hers at all and no one elses at all. Remember that, sweetheart!Gina |
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