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SOOFFKAXIATIG
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
Location: USA
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 Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:34 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| i think you need to talk to him about it, explain what you think and who you feel and see if he is still whistling that same tune |
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petersam
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:09 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| The only thing I would question him about is why he doesn't want to give you the wedding you want. Tell him how important it is to you. If he can't understand that, or doesn't care...THEN I'd wonder if this was the right guy. |
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Tarakatum
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| No, you cannot judge the relationship on this.My now-Fiance felt that commitment is emotional and heart-felt and doesn't require any sort of legal paperwork (mind you his Mom is married to her 3rd husband and his Dad has been divorced twice).After an honest discussion, when we both knew we were very serious about eachother and wanting to be together, he realized how important it was *to me* to be married. Neither of us wants children, but it is important to me for that legal component to happen. I also feel a religious obligation to marry and not just live together forever.He understood why it was important to me and decided that because I was important to him, that we would get married.I honestly don't believe he feels it is necessary. I don't think I changed his mind on the subject. BUT I do believe he understands the importance to me and because of his love for me, he is willing to get married. |
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UnrenoArguemn
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
Location: Guyana
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:19 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| No you can't and it would be shallow to do so.You are assuming that he won't want to give you the wedding of your dreams. Just because his first wedding worked that way, that doesn't mean his second wedding will be the same. I also believe that weddings are pointless. My idea of the perfect ceremony is going to court, signing papers, and then having a nice dinner with my immediate family and his. His idea of the perfect ceremony is church, reception, pictures, flowers, cake, alcohol, the whole nine. My taste doesn't make me a bad person and it doesn't mean that I'm going to love him less in the future. That's ridiculous. |
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Rochecott
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 4
Location: Kyrgyzstan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:53 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| In the almost 8 years my Fiance and I have been together he always said he thought weddings were a waste of time and money. He always made the same comments about just going to the courthouse. Well in Sept he and I are having the lavish wedding of my dreams and he's being a very good sport about it all because he knows it means a lot to me. So I wouldn't judge your guy on him not wanting a big wedding but on if you think he would be willing to do it for you because he knows it will make you happy. If he knows it means a lot to you and refuses then I wouldn't marry him. |
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TheGrimRipper1734
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:28 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| I wouldnt say judge the guy on the kind of wedding he wants. What I would say to judge is how considerate he is of knowing how important it is to you. If its something you really want and he cant suck it up for the sake of your happiness then run. He should know his lack of service desire isn't normal and its just an hour or two to make you happy and then get onto the party. |
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nombcoons
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
Location: India
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:03 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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Oh honey I've heard this a THOUSAND times from guys who couldn't think less about a wedding! The good thing is that ALL of them, including the guy who wanted a wedding in his backyard with a bbq reception, to the guy who wanted a fully hockey themed wedding-changed their mind & let their ladies do most of the planning  I think a lot of guys just don't think about this stuff now-but that is okay, when it comes his time to get married I'm almost positive he will take it a little more seriously-if he wants to marry a FEMALE that is-because wedding day's aren't something we're really willing to compromise on! HEHE-good luck! |
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UnavornoreabY
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Gibraltar
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:38 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| You are asking if you can judge someone on the type of wedding someone wants, how long have you been with him? Shouldn't you know what type of person he is by now??? My fiance is the most loving, thoughtful man I have ever known, and he wanted to go to the JOP! He doesn't care about a big affair, he just knows that he loves me and wants us to be married. I convinced him to let us have a very small wedding so I can wear the gown and have the reception, he knows how much that means to me. Don't read into it to much. |
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Serdgguknurok
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
Location: Россия
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:13 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| I understand how you feel. I want the real wedding. The gown, the tux (not that im getting that! lol, i'm not going to force him to wear a tux in the summer in a garden wedding black slacks and white shirts for him and the groomsmen), minister, flowers, cake, food, things like that. My fiance told me that he doesn't really care about the wedding. In fact, he doesn't really care about getting married at all. He told me that he knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he knows that he can commit to that without a ceremony. But to make me happy, he's letting me plan the wedding. Win, win for me! Tell him what you want! He needs to respect your wishes as well as his own. That's what marriage is right? Compromise? Good luck. |
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ONLINEBUYCIALISVIAGRA
Joined: 26 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
Location: ONLINE PHARMACIES NO PRESCRIPTION needed ..!! FREE OVERNIGHT DELIVERY..!!
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| if he loves you enough, hopefully he will compromise so you can have the wedding you want. if not, ditch him. but at least give it some time. |
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OOOIknowIknow
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:23 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| From your question, I would infer your man is very frugal, and he doesn't have much use for ceremonies. He prefers to focus on meaning and substance instead of formality. Past that how does he treat you otherwise? Is he considerate to you? Does he show you he loves you regularly? How does he see your futures together? You have a window into part of his makeup, but there's got to be a lot more to this guy than just this. Hopefully you know tons more about your guy than just this. |
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NomsErrom
Joined: 05 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Ethiopia
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:58 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| I wouldn't judge him on how he feels about ceremonies but I would judge him on if he is considering your feelings at all. If he loves you and considers your feeling then at the very least he would make a compromise and do a smaller ceremony somewhere other than a courthouse, with a nice reception Or agree to do a larger ceremony with no reception.You guys should be able to agree on something, but if he is set in stone that its going to be his way, then I think there are issues that need to be questioned...and obviously vice versa you have to be willing to do the same. Good Luck!!! |
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secondonlytotrollalalala
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 7:32 am Post subject: ok, I know its only one day BUT!!!? |
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| I don't think it's a reflection on how seriously he takes your relationship, but he's just a much more low-key person than you. The symbolism of the wedding and all the "to do" about it just isn't meaningful to him. This will ultimately be a test of how you two can compromise. Sit down with him and let him know how much the symbolism means to you, and while you are willing to agree to a simpler wedding, you do need to have some kind of celebration to mark the occasion. But do honor his wishes and keep it very simple and down to earth. Make it sound like a fun party and he will be more responsive. Maybe you can do it in a park, he can wear a nice suit, you could have a backyard BBQ, a homemade cake, etc. Sounds fun to me! You probably will not get much help out of him, either, but that's very normal, so don't be offended if he takes little interest in the planning. |
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