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turner2326
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 2:11 pm Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| Well, my husbands mom was horrid as soon as her son and I got together,she was acusing me of stealing things, calling me a whore and a slut, and as soon as we moved in together, she did this so often, i couldnt even go downstairs and was trapped up in the room like rapunzel, my husband even had to bring my food to me, which made her even more mean and accusing of me being lazy and wanting him to cater to me. then at our wedding she told me that our marriage was a mistake,then, she threw us a wedding shower-she embarrased me in frront of the whole family saying out loud "Wow, you must be eating ever day, your getting fat!"crying,I went home,right across the parking lot, and didnt speak to her to months, but now my hubby is talking to her again, and She calls like, 6 times a day- and though shes being nice, shes been aking us in bed b4 WE even get to talk, and my husband actually answers the phone!! ive talked to him=no result- how do i stop this?its hurting our marrige....CORRECTION- I meant to say shes been CALLING her son every morning before we can even wake up together and say good morning to one another. Ive talked to my husband, and hes hard as anything to budge when it comes to standing up t his mother. He lied and said he fixed the problem as well, what do 8i do to fix this or at least deal?Yes- i know a lot is spelled wrong- sorry, im not in the best mood since she just called and my husband soke to her before he even said good morning to me (in bed), and i thought i didnt have enough room to write everything so i improvised, then rememberd that i could add more- whoops |
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wrolvelechalo
Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:22 pm Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| Your major problem is not really your crazy horrible mother in law but it is with your husband. He is allowing this controlling witch to do these things to you. She apparently has some sort of weird control over him and he is afraid to stand up to her. The only way things will change is if he takes care of the problem. I would not take the things that she says and does to you personally because a woman like her would do this to anyone that your husband was with because she views you as a "threat" to her controlling her son. I personally would not be able to tolerate all that is going on. You may need to give him an ultimatum---his mother or you! |
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yavenay1
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:33 pm Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| This is going to hurt but...you knew what she was like when you married him, right? It won't change until he accepts that it needs to change. I am getting a divorce for the same reason. You have to put your foot down and make it clear that you and he are a family now. That isn't to say that Mother dear can't have a relationship with him but there need to be boundaries. If you can get him to a marriage counselor, GO! If you can get Mother dear there also, GO! It will eat you alive if it isn't resolved. I did everything possible to make my mother in law like me and she never did. Although she played nice to my face but then constantly stabbed me in the back. If you live close to her...then move. Set rules about how early and late she may call your house. If you don't have children yet....when you do it will only get worse. My mother in law would call 20 times a day to check on the baby. The poor thing couldn't get any sleep for her calling so I would turn the phone off. She would complain that I was screening phone calls and would even go so far as to drive by my house to see if I was home. I am telling you if you love this man then stop her now before it is too late. Good Luck! |
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Unsure2983
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| I am sorry to hear that you are going through this problem with your mother in law.. And to also hear that your husband is not standing up to her.You need to be firm with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel.. Tell him everything you have told us..Ask him for one moment to put himself in your shoes and see if he would like it if the shoe were on the other foot.. How would he like it if your mother were acting this way towards him?By the way where is your family? If they are close by than I would send a signal to your husband, go stay with your parents until your husband can be reasoned with to see your point of view.I know this is his mother, but he needs to cut the apron strings.He is married and should now put you and your feeligs first above his own mother....Until he is able to do this, he should not have gotten married, sounds like he still wants to be a mommy's boy.HE needs to set boundries with his mother. as for calling early in the morning or late at night you and your husband need to decide what is a reasonable time and he needs to speak to his mother about this. She is not to call before such and such time, and not after a certain time at night.HE also needs to address the behavior of his mother towards you. HE needs to either be with you stand beside you and stand up for you or else he is against you.. He can't have it both ways.Best of Luck |
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UnconoPowireedow
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Kazakhstan
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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wannaknoemore
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:06 am Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| Thats a hard one. I would keep saying something my bouyfriend does not brake when I begg him to talk to his mom he just won't do it and if he does she always comes to me and says whatever she also has somethhing that totaly contradicts what I am saying.I kinda give up I say for your issue unplug the phone or turn the ringer off He then can not feel responsible . Problem seems solved to me |
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X--GRACEE--X
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:17 am Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| She is emotionally abusive and your hubby has grown so accustomed to it that he seems to think its normal. Calling an adult child that many times each day is a big sign that she has never let him go and has no intention of ever doing so...until he stands up to her and sets limits and healthy boundaries with her...beginning by stopping to answer the phone each time she calls. Perhaps he needs to hear advice from a professional in order to reestablish his relationship with her on healthier terms. He might be more responsive to hearing it from an impartial third party vs. yourself. No offense, but sometimes that's what it takes. Strongly encourage him to get into counseling....otherwise things will never change...and only get worse should you ever have kids.As far as your relationship with her goes, I would remove myself from being in her presence. Her behavior is truly unacceptable. You don't have to people-please an abusive tyrant, just keep your distance. She shouldn't have that much power over you. |
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Zukarina
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 13
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:28 am Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| His mother is feeling threatened by you and feels as though she is no longer needed. She is very codependent on her son and over-emotionally attached. Perhaps she doesn't want to see him grow up. You should tell her these things. Her plan is to annoy you and make you miserable, so you will leave, and she can continue to be the only woman in his life again. I would talk to her about the situation while my husband is also present. That way you can know exactly what is being said. I would also consider taking drastic measures if the husband does not respect your wishes. Perhaps living with a girlfriend or parent for a few days will remind him of what its like NOT to have you around. It will be difficult, but he needs a reminder! |
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VikNikers
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 7
Location: Pharmacy
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:39 am Post subject: Mother in law problem- please help me!? |
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| I feel your pain, sister. I have a MIL that is hurtful, too, but not nearly as bad as yours. I have to tell you, though. I went for far too many years without dealing with it, just always trying to let things slide down my back and tried not to let it get to me. But after more than ten years, it ALL came out after my dad died. Try try try to get your husband to hear you NOW, not ten years from now because by then you will be so resentful. It sounds like it's not going to take you nearly as long as ten years to get to that point as it sounds like you're already almost there. The above answers are right when they say it has to be your husband to be the one to deal with this and you two need to stand shoulder to shoulder. If not, this will never be resolved. If you can't get your husband to stand up for you and put his respect for his wife above his mother's need to hurt you, then I'm sorry to say there is no happy ending in sight for you. She's been allowed to treat you this way because no one has stopped her and she will continue until someone does. That someone has to be your husband with you standing right beside him. |
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