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shim696
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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 Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 1:46 pm Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| My fiance and I have changed our wedding date 3 times and have finally made a decision. We have ordered and received our invitations and programs. We have our guest's favors etc. My mom has not done anything to help. She went with me to get my dress but that's it. She hasn't volunteered to give me a bridal shower on hasn't given opinion on anything. My fiance and I are footing the bill for our wedding, but all she's done is complain about how much her dress and my dad & brothers tuxes are going to cost. I want to get her more involved so she will be as happy as I am about my wedding. Any suggestions? I really want her to be excited about it. I'm the only daughter and oldest of three. It really hurts my feelings sometimes that she doesn't seem interested.Well, I know she knows what she's doing. Her mom (died 16 years ago) and her catered weddings together for years. It just really bothers me that she hasn't taken initiative and an interest to my wedding. |
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XSPEED10000
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 4:06 pm Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| That stinks. I don't really know what to say except that some moms just aren't excited by those kinds of things. Mine wasn't. (I don't expect her to be now, it's my second wedding.)But about the shower thing...maybe she's just following the rules of propriety. Family really isn't supposed to host the showers; that's a job for the maid of honor or a friend of the family. To have the family plan it directly is seen by many as a grab for gifts on behalf of the "kids."My suggestion about her lack of participation is not to push. Instead, get your bridal party involved and have as much fun as you can. Focus on what you do have instead of what you don't. The situation sucks, I know, but better to look back on fun memories than memories of striving for something you didn't get. |
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SandyEgo
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:27 pm Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| My mom is very similar... however, she is paying for our wedding. My mom is nice person, I just don't think she knows how to get involved and while she comes off as cold.. I think she feels left out. I'm oldest too... I think being oldest means that you break in your parents. I've cried privately a few times because I feel like my mom isn't really interested in my wedding. I guess what I've done is I've tried to include. I've told her she has wonderful taste and her opinion really matters to me. I think that helped. We went dress shopping and I put on anything she wanted. She's going to the food tasting with me and ok'd my cake flavor. I've just sort of made her take a part. My wedding is at home so I think she's overwhelmed thinking she'll have to do everything, I've reassured her I have hired people. Basically, just try to include her. I wouldn't tell her you feel like she's uninterested. You have to realize, some women aren;t into planning weddings... and because you're the oldest it's hard for her to know what to do and how to do it. Goodluck. |
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Suggaaaah
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| You can't make your mom get excited or involved with your wedding. She probably doesn't feel like she has much of a say in anything because you are paying for everything which is true.Your mother doesn't throw you a bridal shower. A friend, MOH or bridesmaid or the grooms mother or sister does. The reason your family doesn't is because it's viewed as begging for gifts for your daugther/sister. The only time it's appropriate is if your sister is your MOH. Other than that, the bride's family doesn't give the bride a shower.Another thing that may be going on is that your mother feels like she is losing her daughter and in a sense she is. You will no longer be her "baby girl". However, you can change the relationship from just mother daughter to best friends. It may not happen till after you are married but once you are home from your honeymoon, I would invite your mom over to help you decorate, figure out where to put wedding gifts, etc. Ask her to go shopping with you or to garage sales or flower shows or whatever the two of you enjoy doing. Even just go out to lunch. Be sure to let her know that just because you are getting married doesn't mean you are leaving. You are sure you'll need her help, advice, friendship, etc. just as much if not more than you needed it before getting married. |
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proscissionssalon
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:09 pm Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| I agree with theology that it's very poor manners for a mom to host a shower for her daughter. The message would be "Come and give my child gifts". Her friends or your friends should give a shower. But she could certainly show more enthusiasm. My mom didn't, but I think that she was worried that if she showed interest, someone would think she should pay for something.This is a controversial topic on this board, but I will be forever hurt that my parents did not pay for one single thing for my wedding. So I would suggest that you diplomatically pose the question of whether your parents would like to pay for anything.If you can't bring yourself to ask, do you have an aunt who could bring the subject up to her?Good luck. |
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stevemeister
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 1:30 am Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| Maybe she isn't crazy about yourchoice in husbands?Just come clean w/her and tell her howyou feel. That you always dreamt of yourmothers love and support for your special day. |
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stictendivesS
Joined: 19 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 3:51 am Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| you can't. this is YOUR wedding. you can't expect others to plan it for you. |
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WaypeCewteawn
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:12 am Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| I just made this website today.Not sure if its any help to you but check it outwww.my-wedding-reception.com |
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VikNikers
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 7
Location: Pharmacy
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:32 am Post subject: How can I motivate my mom to be more active inmy wedding pla |
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| Some people just don't like weddings very much.My mom did not enjoy planning her wedding when she got married and has made it pretty clear to us that she will not get involved in planning a wedding for any of her children. She will make a financial contribution, but that's it. All she wants to know is what to wear and when to show up. It doesn't mean she doesn't love us or want us to be happy - she's just not a fan of huge productions and doesn't want the stress. (She also never raised us to think that our wedding day was the biggest day of our life or that we even had to get married. It's just the way she is.)You can't 'motivate' your mom to change her mind. If she doesn't want to help plan it, then nothing you can do will change her mind. All you can do is keep her in the loop as you plan and hope that she gets more excited as the day draws nearer. |
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