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JakaPancas
Joined: 13 Jun 2007
Posts: 49
Location: Indonesia
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 Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| A former highschool classmate is getting married this year. We are not close friends, and nowdays we barly speeks a few words when we met eachother because we distanced after graduation. I heard from other classmate that she wants a big wedding and planning to invite all the people that she was ever friend with. And she also mentioned me and my boyfriend (he is also a former classmate of her) as persons she wants to invite. The problem is that we arranged a trip exactly for that period and we cannot change it. The same problem has a friend of mine who told me about the invitation and the future bride offended when she told her... So we dont feel obligated to her, we never even met her fiance... but still we dont want her to get offended. When is apropriate to tell her that we have other plans? When she invite us, or some time after? And how to tell it to not offend her? |
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HeiniRati
Joined: 09 Jun 2007
Posts: 40
Location: Australy
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:36 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| Wait until you are invited (can't assume, you don't know for sure) and then explain you had made previous plans you are unable to break and wish her a wonderful wedding... |
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ImUURU
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| A wedding invitation is not an obligation...if you have other plans it's fine to let her know you can't attend. The invitation should come with a card to let her know if you will be attending or not. No reason is needed...just say you cannot attend. If she gets offended, that's her problem. |
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janecat
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:43 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| You can say the following:"Dear --------,Thanks so much for inviting us, we appreciate it. However we will not be able to attend.Sincerely,----------"Whether or not she gets offended is her call...and something you should NOT worry about! |
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jeune
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| Say, "I'm sorry, but we have unchangeable plans on that day. Congratulations!" |
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inihex_hexpis
Joined: 07 Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| The appropriate time to tell her is when you receive an invitation, and you send back the RSVP.If she asks you ahead of time, its okay to tell her you have something planned for that weekend. She will quickly learn that not everyone can attend her wedding and she should not be offended. |
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Gman
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 10:25 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| It is extremely easy to turn down a wedding invitation. Inside of the invitation there is usually a stamped response card. Simply mark the "not attending" box and mail it back. If you are truely concerned abount not offending her, be sure to make a note of the date. This way you can send her a card and a gift of some type. This way she knows that you were thinking of her on her big day. You are never obligated to attend a wedding and no one can pick a wedding date that everyone can attend. Trust me, although she may be disappointed that you can not come, she will not dwell on it. If she is having a big elaborate wedding as you described, she will have too many other things on her mind. |
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GooFBabe
Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Belgia
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 11:59 pm Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| Yes, you don't have to give a reason for not attending. You DO have to RSVP (respond) to the invitation saying if you are coming or not, because of catering costs and so on.Lots of times people 'talk big' about their weddings, and then when their parents have a coronary at the cost, they trim down the guest list, so the invitation may not actually come. If her parents are paying (or his, or both), then they will no doubt cut the guest list down and you might be off the hook.If you are worried that she will be offended, and you feel you need to explain your absence, you can write, 'I'm sure you will have a beautiful wedding, and I'm sorry we have to miss it. But we made plans for a trip - reservations and tickets all paid for - so we just can't come. I wish you all the best in your married life.'She'd have to be a major egomaniac to take offense at that.DON'T feel obligated to send a gift. DON'T worry if she does get offended. Her being offended is her problem. Ask your parents or other people who have been married five or ten years this question: 'How many of the people you invited to your wedding are still in your life?'I'll bet they say, 'Family' and then a very few long-term, close friends. My cousin had something like 300 people at her wedding - high school friends, people she worked with then, neighbors, etc. Virtually none of them outside family and very old family friends are still anywhere in her life 18 years later. I'll bet she can't even remember or name more than about 20 people outside of family who went to her wedding.So if she gets offended, who cares? The worst she can do is snub you - instead of only saying a few words - the next time you meet. And in five years, not even she will care or remember. Or if she does remember, she'll be glad they didn't spend the money catering for as many guests as they first imagined they'd invite.High school bonds seem really important for a year or so after you leave high school, but then you move on and you lose touch with most of those people (unless you live in a really small, town, perhaps). You might not even remember each other's names in ten years. It's not as big a deal as it seems right now.Send your regrets that you can't attend. Go on your trip. Have a good time. Don't sweat it. |
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iloveweddings4924
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:33 am Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| if she mails u an invitation write a nice note saying u guys think alike in planning but ur going to be someone else. decline politely and leave it at that. |
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Groom2Be0306
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:07 am Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| I would wait until your invited. Usually with invitation, there is an RSVP card, you can send your regrets with a small gift to celebrate their wedding. That is in good taste. But don't feel bad for not changing your plans! |
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ImNeedXRumer
Joined: 08 Jan 2008
Posts: 7
Location: Zaibacu
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| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:41 am Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| The invitation will come with an RSVP card. You can simply return the card with your regrets and you really don't need to worry about whether or not you offend her. However, if you are REALLY concerned about not offending her. You can give her a ring. Talk to her like ya'll are long-time old buddies, "OMG how are you, i haven't talked to you in forever! BLah blah blah" So really excited and enthusiastic! Then tell her that you got her invitation and how excited you are for her. Then tell her that you have plans for the weekend and that you called and tried jumping through every hoop to get them changed when you got her invitation but as it turns out, you can't. Sound really genuinely disappointed.Then tell her, that you will let her know if something changes, because how badly you wish you could go, but that for now, you have to decline!Good luck |
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JennyT
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:15 am Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| Usually you just send back your rsvp card to decline that your coming. Inside write a little note that says your sorry you couldnt make it. I would leave it at that, or even send them a congrats card in the mail. |
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HotatiltNab
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:48 am Post subject: How to turn off a wedding invitation and not offend a person |
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| I think that you should wait until you get the invitation to even think anymore about it. Then, after you get the invitation, I would go to Hallmark and buy a very nice card, and hand write a nice note in it and tell her how happy you were to hear that she found the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and you wish her nothing but happiness, let her know how much you treasured her friendship and the memories that you two shared will be with you forever...ect. I would explain to her that you have already made plans for that day, but you certainly will be thinking of her on her special day. Then I would sign your name and be through with it. You are not obligated to go or to send a present, in fact, for someone that you haven't seen in awhile, this is entirely appropriate. |
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