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Gingeroo
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| I'm getting married in August. So far I've had to deal with the following three dramas - 1) An ex-bestfriend who has been pretty sh*tty to me the last five years is insulted that I didn't ask her to be a part of my wedding. She thinks we should get together to discuss it 2) I asked my brother's wife to be my matron-of-honor. She was extremely happy and we started making plans. Then I find out she and my brother are about to get seperated. He says he doesn't want her at the wedding, but tells her I made that decision. 3) MIL tried to get me to change the wedding date, then asked if she could bring 35 people that neither fiance or I even know! |
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hollaatyagirl28358
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:45 pm Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| 1. You don't owe it to your friend to discuss anything. This is your day, and your choice. Don't even listen to her, it will only upset you.2. You already asked your SIL to be in your wedding. Your brother will just have to be a mature adult and let this be your day, not about his wife or ex-wife that will be there.3. MIL has no business telling you when to have the wedding, or who to invite. Be nice, sweet but firm regarding this. This day will set the "tone" of your place in your husband's family. You should be treated with respect, and not pushed around like a kid, whose mother wants to control her life (or MIL not mother in this case).Do not let these people stress you out. If you don't agree with what they want to do for YOUR wedding, it's their problem, not yours. |
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Пошив
Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Россия
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| Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:19 pm Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| It's YOUR wedding not theirs, do what makes you happy! I'm having to deal with some drama too, so bad that I don't think my parents or sister are comming to my wedding....so I feel your pain....just remember it is your wedding...do what YOU want... |
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gofish
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| Tell your mother-in-law that if she pays for her guests, they can come.Invite your brother's wife on your own, and keep her as your MAID of Honor. seat her separately from him. If he can't take it, his problem. It's your wedding. Hit him with a rolled-up newspaper if he acts up.I think I already answered about the former-best-friend in another question. Meet and talk to her, make her pick up the check.Brace yourself, it's not over 'til August! Meditate, drink chamomile tea and lots of water. Stretch, floss, and do not let negative people interfere with your reality.Good luck and congrats! |
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ImLost
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 10:27 pm Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| Welcome to the real test of adulthood. The wedding Drama is a practice for the trials you will face as husband and wife. There will always be people telling you what to do and who should be important in your life. This is also you opportunity to make your position known. Your ex-best is easy - "Sorry, but since we have grown so distant I did not want to impose our past on you." The Brothers soon-to-be Ex - if she is your friend he needs to behave and accept her presence - why should you end a friendship over a divorce? Your choice. The third is just a power play - simply state that the wedding invites have been printed and the guest list decided. Then you could say perhaps we could plan a "tea" after the wedding to invite your friends to meet the new bride and groom if she wishes to host it. It is rude to presume you should entertain her friends at your wedding. Hope this helps! |
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hitchnj0917
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:01 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| People can be selfish. Rather than thinking about the best interest of the couple, they think about what is best for themselves. |
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hotpornweb
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 1
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| 1. People have alot of nerve when it comes to weddings. An ex best friend is just that. You d not owe her an explaination. But if you feel you must tell her that you have chosen your bridal party and its a done deal. Invite her to the wedding, if you feel so compelled, let her be apart of the cermenony , like lighting a candle or do a reading from the scriptures. it depends on how much you care about HER, not her feelings about being left out of day that is about you and not about her. I suspect thats why you are no longer best friends. Cut your losses or find another way to include her. Number 2. you can't have an ex sister in law as you maid of honor. That is no way to start out in a new family. Too much hate and anger will directed toward you- even though you did not cause the problem. Ask someone else, like your mother. 3. You cannot please everyone, the date will not work for everyone, but the day is not about everyone else its about you and your financee. Do what you want to do, believe me if you change the date, then someonel else will have an issue. If MIL is not paying for the 35 people, then no way. If she is then what do you care? Let them come. |
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hoarkemiageme
Joined: 25 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:09 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| I know they do! Mine had so many problems before I didn't think some of them were even possible. But it went off without a hitch. As for your dramas:1) Tell her no straight off. You don't owe her and she shouldn't be invited to your wedding unless you want her there. I wouldn't even discuss it with her. It's your wedding. If you don't want her there then she's not invited. End of.2) If you were close enough to your sister-in-law to make her MOH, she should stay in your wedding party. Tell your brother that it is his problem they are getting seperated and he has no right to tell you who to invite and who not to invite. If he wants to act like a child and be petty maybe he shouldn't come.3) Get your fiance to speak to her. MILs are hard to work with anyway so I wouldn't start a rift now. He's her son so he can talk to her easier I assume. She has no right to ask you to change the date or invite anymore people.Just remember it's your wedding and you will be the one replaying it over and over, not your guests, so make sure you are happy with it. |
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GreyhoundMama
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:43 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| I really didn't have any big issues, but sorry to see that you are.1. She's wrong and don't waste your time talking to her. If she isn't even a friend anymore, she isn't worthy of an explanation. 2. Ouch- that is a sticky situation. No advice there- sorry!3. Why are some people this stupid? Tell her things are booked and you are already at capacity. |
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gretsch16pc4519
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:16 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| Tell #1 person that you are to busy to meetTell #2 brothers wife that under the new circumstances you apologize that you have to retract your invitation ( Blame yourself even though it isnt your fault-just to get her out)Tell#3 MIL ( after discussion with your fiance ) what YOU are going to do about YOUR wedding meaning the date stays and the people on the guest list are what you agreed with her originally ( the # and the kind)Fun isnt it? BUT detach and focus on your upcoming marriage and the day after the wedding. Believe me, there will be more problems occuring before the big day so might as well not let them get to you. |
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jennyw
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 7:50 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| Think of it this way - at least this is all happenng now, not on the day! i would be sooo much worse if your ex-best friend turned up and chucked a woobly, then your brother and his wife annouced theyre getting a divorce, infront of 35 people you never met!1)Take the oppourtunity to catch up with your ex-bestie. Let her know she won't be in the wedding party, but try to make amends.2)Talk to your sister in law. expalin the situation with your bro. i think she'll agree that she shouldnt take part. make sure you guys stay friends!3)is MIL paying for the wedding? if she has financial input, then she does have some say. don't change the date, but you may haveto accomadate some of the 35. try to compromise. HOWEVER if shes not paying, shes got no say! (this is why i will refuse any help from our parents when we get married!) Don't worry chick - like it said, at least this is happening now, not on your big day! Make it a great one! |
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Invisigoth2362
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:24 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| Sounds like you both need to go just go off and get married without the drama. I would. Good luck. |
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Heather6254
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:58 am Post subject: Why do weddings seem to cause so much DRAMA?! (and I don't m |
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| The reason why it's so much drama is because people are jealous. Do you have a wedding planner or someone really close to you that is helping?. Ask them to be the 3rd party in all this. Out of respect; people should not address negative issues with the bride or groom. It was a lil drama during my wedding planning; but my best friend and my coordinator didn't play; they said to address all issues with them...For one the ex best friend...that's why she's "ex"; because she' no longer your best friend. Don't give her your time or energy...let it go...Do you want your sister in law to come? if so invite her; it's not up to your brother. If he can't stand to be around her; then he should avoid her for one day. Make that known to him.Do you have enough room to seat 35 people? If you do- tell your MIL she has to pay for their plates; I had to do that with my MIL. Set limation. Tell her you have room for - say; 15...most of them won't come anyway. |
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