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tanuhottie69
Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:41 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| hi!i am 21 yrs old muslim girl having a bf who is 25,a hindu and has been placed in a good co.I am doing MBA. He loves me very much,we hv been in this relationship from 3 yrs,but my parents r completely against this.So we hv applied for registry marriage which is due for 3 months.First we decided to get married in may,but now a very big prob has been arised.My parents hv fixed my marriage n they want me to get married after 1 yr,though i totally refused to it ,my parents dont want to loose this proposal.I hv told them many times tht i am not interested,but they dont listen to me as the boy is my father's best friend's son n he also loves me. Now my bf n i hv decided to get married soon i.e.within 2-3 days bcos nobody can understand our prob.So if they r not concerned abt my life ,why will i ??I will die but not marry anybody else.My bf is so worried tht he started drinking.I am so tensed tht i am only crying,my exams r on my head but i am not able to study or i dont want to study.HELP |
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thereturnofveveritzaproas
Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| just marry the guy you love, and don't speak to your parents again until they respect your decision. |
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TiffinyF
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:27 am Post subject: love problem....? |
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| I really think that you should go with your heart, I hope that this doesn't sound immature but I don't think that you should Marry someone that your parents want you to. I'm not sure that if getting Married right now without your parents consent is a good idea, stressing out about the problem is not going to fix it. I maybe suggest writing a list of pros and cons and why you should get Married to your current boyfriends. Girl I hope you get all this figured out.. Goodluck!.. :O) |
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KK
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:20 am Post subject: love problem....? |
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| I am sorry that you are going through this and I understand that it may be the culture to engage in a fixed marriage but that is not what you want. It is wrong to impose things on other people, so your parents are wrong in trying to impose this fixed marriage on you.Please live your life the way you want to live it. I understand that it may seem difficult and confusing but take a step back and marry who you love, which is your boyfriend, Period!If your parents cannot accept this then you need to distance yourself because they are inhibiting you from making decisions for yourself.Good luck and be strong and remember that you have ONE life and it is way to short to be worried about what other people think, even your parents. |
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Moe
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 7:13 am Post subject: love problem....? |
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| Calm down..! I am a muslim myself, isn't it not allowed for a muslim girl to marry a non-muslim man? It explains why your parents are against it..But anyway, back to the point.. Since you really love him, you shouldn't let your parents get in the way, but make sure you don't fall into the trap, ask yourself how much do you love this guy, and what are the things that make you love him, because shallow love won't get you anywhere! And if you had shallow love for him and decided to go against your parents, it'll be a mistake you'll never forget.. Don't get married now, you still have one year to make this decision right? You should first dig into your own love, see if this love of your is really worth all this, and then, work on it with your parents for a few weeks, talking to them not about how you want to marry a non muslim and not about how you want to go against their will, talk about the fact that THIS is what will make you happy..Again I say, don't rush and get married out all this stress..Best of luck.. |
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gilongsky
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:05 am Post subject: love problem....? |
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| It seems to me like a conflict between tradition and love. In my opinion, you would be better of in following what your tradition dictates. This may seem bitter and hard, but in the long run, this will be more beneficial than following the dictates of your heart, which i know is the hardest thing to do.Love fades and when it does, so does your boyfriend, but your family, no matter where life may lead you, will always be there. |
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revsuzanne
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:58 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| Calm down. You are old enough to make your own decisions... by all means, get out of your parents' house. As far as they are concerned, this is all about them building respect in their own community of acquaintances and CONTROLLING you. It is not about your welfare. This is barter.A civil marriage ceremony is fine... it gives you the legitimate papers as a wife, and saves money that would have been wasted on a big marriage ceremony. You can always throw a nice reception for family and friends afterward.You can also research his religion down the line and see if you want to switch. |
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sheebaj
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:51 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| dear, always do what your heart say. if you are satisfied of what you are going to do , than do it. whatever your parents are saying.but honestly i want to know what your boyfriend is doing, what is his status (financial and society), is he is earning a good salary and is he is competent enough to manage his life in smooth way..whats the attitude of his parents/family towards you.. will they accept you? or will he take you on his own... think all the lines b'coz if you married him than it means that you burns all ships behind you and you have to live at your own decisions.Dear, i am not against for love,not i am teaching you to be materialistic but when you got married after sometimes both of your have to live life , which not only bareed with love but also want other necessities of life which also include your in-laws attitude.If you want any further assistance, than mail me.Wish you good luck. |
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bigapple
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:44 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| if you are 21 why do need your perents permission to do anything you have been with this lady for 3 years an now you still can't figure out your life you are in trouble. i would stay single for a while an see how things go. you have a lifetime ahead of you you love will always be there. |
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Elizabeth2712
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: love problem....? |
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| Get married. Whether it is now or later this summer, you know you love him (3 years is plenty of time to get to know each other). Your family can't force you to marry someone else if you are already married. It's better to hurt everyone's feelings now then to suffer for the rest of your life in a marriage you would be unhappy in.Please know that you are not alone. There are tons of other people out there are Internet forums and chat groups talking about how they are in hindu/muslim marriages. Know that when you marry you will have a community that knows what you are going through.This all seems very trying, especially to your fiancee. I would take the time to have a honeymoon, because it sounds like the two of you need to have some time to yourselves. It doesn't have to be big, you could just hide out in a hotel in some city for a weekend with your cell phones and the television turned off, but I think it is necessary.Right now, together, before you get married or go on a honeymoon, I would sit down with your fiancee and come up with a "battle plan." You two have to know what you need to say to your family - religiously and secularly. Talk about all of the plans you have for the future together, and write it down. Making a list and having a plan can be a very calming process. Right now, you feel like your lives are out of control (hence the crying and drinking). But if you sit down, plan out what needs to be said, and try not to create "worst-case scenarios" in your mind (which are probably worse then what will really happen), you'll feel much better. Just knowing that there is someone else standing there with you will give you enormous amounts of strength.Then, you can get back to finishing up your semester and he can go back to work. I would also advise working with a marriage counselor after you are married. This is not necessarily because the two of you have a problem with your relationship, but because of your relations with your family. Marriage is more than just a commitment between two people, it's also about dealing with all the baggage that those people come with, and your religious differences is baggage. Your counselor will give you lots of good ways to deal with your family and will have be a moderator if you do start to argue. Plus, your new hubby's company health care plan will cover the costs! Remember, if you both have a place where you can go and vent about the stress being caused by your family and your religious differences, it will make it easier for your marriage to survive. BTW, April is a beautiful month to be married in. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS! |
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MsDani
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:29 am Post subject: love problem....? |
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| Dont take decision in hurry. Your one wrong step is goin to ruin your entire life. Give it some time , complete your studies first because if you are left alone or rejected by any one in the middle of no where , you can earn your living with honour. Keep it in mind that if you are left alone by any reason , no Hindo or Muslim will accept you including your parents. |
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