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daretobedifferent
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:25 pm Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| got into fight w/bf of 3 years about a week ago. He got really upset w/me b/c I asked to borrow money to pay my bills (we dont live together but i'm only at my apt like 4 days a month-we were talking about moving in together soon). He got so upset b/c i've done this before and when he tries to explain how to handle my money better-i don't understand him and we end up fighting over it. at first he was hesitant to help me b/c he felt he wouldn't be teaching me anything but I got really upset and panicked so he helped me out (he was saving up money to buy a new tool he wanted) then said he needed to be left alone. I left but was upset b/c i felt hurt-he did tell me that he knew nothing was my fault or done on purpose and that he loved me.i only contacted him to tell him that i had signed up for classes at church to get help w/my finances and had also signed up for extra shifts at work. he didnt email or call back.had to stop by his house on Wed (I have a key)-more belowto get some scrubs for work b/c almost all of my stuff is at his house (he wasn't home and i knew he wouldnt be). Noticed he had put away the air bed my daughter uses when we stay over but everything else was still there (our pictures were all over the house too still).emailed him panicked he was breaking up w/me and begged to know what he was thinking. he emailed me back saying thisI've read all of your emails. I need some time to myself. It's best if you just stay away for awhile. Love, MeI emailed back saying I understood, was very sorry and loved himsince then I've gone to our state dpt and applied for help with my food, health ins for my kids (it's too expensive at my work but i've been paying for it) and to get the back child support i'm owed.I also read articles on why he needs "cave" time and i understand him more.I want to email him just to let him know about the articles i've read and the changes i've made. Is this a good idea?!I really do love h |
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esheferdji
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| sure why not. |
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football7712002
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| when a man wants "cave" time, respect that and give it to them or else you'll end you pushing them farther away. also actions speaks louder than words and glad to see that you've taken the steps to get your life together. keep doing this and he'll see that you are trying. good luck girl! |
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bronlenselopy[a..z]xp
Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: World
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:25 am Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| Maybe he is just fed up with your financing. You should probably work on that first and give him some space. Dont be calling him because it will only push him away. |
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confoccullyu
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:25 am Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| Just leave the man alone. "Cave time" is exactly that. You wouldn't go poke a bear in a cave with a stick, now would you? It's the same when men go "caving". They need that time to sort their thoughts out, without interruptions. You poke them with an email or a phone call or whatever before they are done with the "me time" and they start getting growly. He knows you're trying to become more financially responsible, now let him sort out his issues about this situation. He'll come back when he's ready. If he doesn't, he wasn't the man for you. |
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Collegeplanner
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| Don't borrow money from anyone. Absolutely don't borrow money from your b/f. Ask a trusted older person to help you learn to manage your money. This is a really important thing to do. You need to be self sufficient. This is really bad for your relationship, don't do it anymore. Call and aplolgize and pay him back all the money you've borrowed from him. Cut your expenses until you can manage to pay him back 100% and then don't ever borrow again. You should only borrow money from a bank. |
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DoctorBretonDen
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:25 pm Post subject: should I do this?!!? |
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| The issue may not seem to be a major to you, but obviously it is a big one for him. Relationships are a division of labour and responsibility, and it does appear he is having serious thoughts about wether you are both compatible together. I think he feels he is unable to work with your way of handling finances.I know you are driven to contact him, but you must respect his request for space right now. Too much pressure may send him running away. Give him time.If you are too pushy it may compound his original issue with finances and that will go against you in the long run.Just love him from a distance for now |
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