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egg_raid_on_mojo
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 4:17 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| I'm hoping that there is plenty of time for this to get ironed out before the wedding, but I'm being roped into an argument between two of my bridesmaids (not at all wedding related).I've told both of them that their argument doesn't involve me and I'm not siding with either of them and to leave me out of it.If this does keep up (it has in the past lasted months or years!), how do you think I could handle things from a wedding perspective?Tell them if they can't get along for the wedding related events, they're both out of the wedding?I've got to remain neutral and not favor or side with one or the other. Or even come across like I am. If I show ANY sign of favoritism, it'll haunt me FOREVER! Last detail - - they're my future sister-in-laws.To be honest - this is childish bickering that has escalated to absolute degrading vicious mean comments being slung back & forth. There really is no reason for them to fight except they are sisters and a discussion has gotten into resurecting every past "sin" either one has ever committed as well as mental-health insults.I was brought in via e-mail with the comment " this is what X is really like ...".My fiance won't step in. He will completely ignore them both. Both try to get him to pick a side and he won't do it and it angers them both more. I'm not 100% sure what he would do if it impacts the wedding (he might un-invite both of them actually).They are in the wedding because they are my fiance's sisters. They are both very nice to me and I enjoy their company when we are together - and I have gotten together with them without their brother when I was in town without him.Future MIL is not in the area and not in good health to really deal with this.Their Dad isn't in the picture. My future FIL is not their Dad.At this point, this is not causing stress. I'm just contemplating what we might do.I'm doing everything myself as all my bridesmaids are out-of-state. |
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CarPartsFromUSA
Joined: 14 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
Location: DE
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| I would have your husband talk to the girls since they are going to be your future sister-in-laws. Chances are your husband will be able to work out the issues between his sisters. |
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CappyGirlinCali
Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| are they in your wedding just because there your future sister in laws or are they really good friends of yours?? if they are good friends of yours then they should be able to put aside there problems for your wedding...if there just your bridesmaids because there future sister in laws then i would tell them that you dont think its a good idea for them to be in your wedding because you dont want to make them uncomfortable. |
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-strange-location-
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| It is a little hard to answer your question without knowing where the argument is stemming from, but being that they are both your future sisters-in-law, I think the person who needs to be talking to them is either your fiance or your MIL. You need to have one of them sit down with the both of them and explain that they need to put their differences aside and if they can't then unfortunately they can't be in the wedding. I assume you have already tried to talk to them about this which is why I recommend having your MIL or fiance do it. They might even understand the argument a little better than you and maybe could be more helpful. You shouldn't have to worry about a quarrelsome set of sisters on your wedding day. Good luck and I hope things work out! |
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effeykins
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| Oh jeez. You're doing great by staying out of it for now. If it continues, get your future husband to step in and get them to put by-gones away until after the wedding because it's not fair for you to be stuck in the middle of it. Sure, they might get annoyed that you went to their brother, but someone has to step in with logic. Good luck, I wish I knew how to really help this. For now, just deal with them one at a time for what you have to handle for the wedding and if they try to discuss their argument with you, don't show any sign of favoritism like you said, they'll only give you grief in the future.EDIT:::: If your future husband won't do it, does your future mother in law like you enough to step in. Someone needs to tell them that they need to stop bickering long enough to support their brother in marriage. If not, you might have to have a bridezilla moment and yell at them a bit (not long, just long enough to yell "enough" and hope they listen). Once you have their attention, ask them something along the lines of "Can't you guys just hush long enough to be happy for your brother?"... |
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CherylV
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 7:37 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| Yes stay neutral and plan for them to attend all the functions bridesmaids normally attend. But don't rely on either one of them for anything. Don't ask them to do anything because it might not get done, and because they might churn it into their debate somehow.Just be sweet to each of them and treat them like you love them. It will make you look so great to the rest of the in-laws! |
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Chiemisyou
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| Then you tell them that they ned to cool it for thier brothers sake. This is not about them, you love them (I hope) and then let it go. Like you said it is not about you. |
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Adri1173
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| last time i checked being a bridesmaid wasn't for ppl acting like they are 5 years old. If they can't get a grip on things, kick them out of the wedding for peace and harmony's sake. They are being really immature. |
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anottewgc
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Location: World
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| I would defiantly stay out of the argument,but i would also ask each one of them if they could act like (grown-ups) for your special day,your only asking for one day.woman are great at putting on fronts.If not then maybe suggest that they don't be in the wedding. |
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chedyan
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 10:17 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| I would keep out of it, Hopefully come wedding day they will act civil towards each other considering they have family and people they may not know around (unless they dont really care who is there and will still make a scene) |
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AnonamousP
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| If your fiance won't step in and say something then maybe you should be the one to do it. The last thing you need is more stress. Maybe you can write both of them an email and say, "I know that you guys are having some personal differences between the two of you right now and I wish that things were different, but I cannot change that - only you two can do that. However, I like both of you, which is why I asked you both to be my bridesmaids, but with your constant fighting it is really causing me more stress then I need on top of an already stressful wedding planning. I don't want to take a side with either one of you, because like I said before, I like you both. I know it's really hard sometimes to put aside personal differences, but if you could please try and do so for the sake of the wedding I would be more than grateful. I love your brother very much and I just want both of us to have a wonderful day. Like I said, I know that it is hard, but please try to put aside your differences for this day. It would mean a lot to me."Or something to that effect. Maybe they just aren't aware of the stress/problems that they are causing you. Sometimes people tend to get so wrapped up in what they are doing they forget that they are causing anyone else pain. So, just bring it to their attention. If after you bring it to their attention they still continue, then it might be wise to think about asking them not to be a part of the bridal party. Your bridal party is supposed to remove stress from your life - not add to it. |
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CappyGirlinCali
Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:37 pm Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| You are right to stay out of it completely. If it comes down to one saying she wont be in the wedding if the other is, I think its best if you still stay out of it and let them hash it out. Sounds as if they are determined to fight, so no one can stop them. |
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cactusone
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:17 am Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| I'm going to star this, as I have two girls I intend to have in my bridal party that will not get along. Long story short, my MOH will be an X of my fiance's brother, and a bridesmaid will be my fiance's brother wife (whom he married a month after he split with the X). Lol, hope that made sense.So good luck, and I'll be watching to see what other's say on this subject! |
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0088235
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:57 am Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| Stay completely out of the argument and let and decisions about booting them out of the wedding be made by your fiance. |
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Debbzii
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:37 am Post subject: Fighting bridesmaids? |
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| Speak with your mother-in-law regarding this one. She's been dealing with them longer than anyone else, so I'm willing to bet she has a few ideas. They will probably be able to get along for the wedding, but if not, then ask the other bridesmaids to do what they can to keep them apart and out of things. Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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