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MrsO
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:53 am Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| through the year and a half of planning my fiance has seemed to have no intrest in the wedding other then the music and the marrying me part... he does help me make decisions sometimes.. and it never really bothered me because lets face it he's a guy and really could care less about colors and decor... normally when i plann on buying things i go on line and he sits next to me and plays his video games... i pick out two or three diffrent things and he tell me which one he like..and thats the one i get... well we picked out the cake topper and at my bridal shower i showed it to him..and he made a big deal infront of some friends how he didnt like it and i never asked him..... i got upset because obviously he doesnt even pay attention when i ask....and then today I picked up the cake server that just came in and he did it to me again... i am so mad and hurt i dont want to talk to him... i always ask him what he thinks..and now i feel like he didnt even look and just said a number toshut me up so he could play his video games.I told him why i was upset and he told me i was being over dramatic.i have not talked to him since... Am i wrong in being upset? Any advice would be great thanksThanks we are doing premarital counseling...and this seems like the only time he wants to do it..anyother time he says lets do it later...and then when he is playing his video games he asks me to come over and show himyes its 4 weeks awaythe wedding is not all we talk about because i know he is happy just showing up.. it just the sudden change that is making me crazy...and the wedding is not all we talk about...we made a deal... thursdays and everyother saturdays are the only day we plan.. if its not those two days and its something that can wait..we dont talk about it |
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playclelini
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: HU
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| It is not wrong to be upset, but considering you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this person, you need to start communicating NOW. Wedding planning can be incredibly stressful, but if your relationship can't handle it, then is it really ready for the committment of marriage?You need to sit down and talk to your fiance, tell him that you are hurt, you need to discuss a better way to include him (because it is apparent he wants to be included) maybe you guys designate a time to sit (no video games) and discuss the current decisions and ideas at hand for an hour or two over coffee, or a glass of wine.You both need to agree to it. You may (if you haven't already) want to consider premarital counseling to help get your marriage off on a stronger foot.Also, just a hint...don't expect him to remember anything you ask while he is playing a video game, or watching TV-I have noticed that those times (specifically) are when my husband is so sucked into what he is doing that he doesn't even process what I am saying. Good luck with the planning, I really hope you two can work through the difficulties. |
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MissyT
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:19 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| Guys are not generally into planning. They are wired differently than women, and there is nothing wrong with that. Listen to the input he has on the aspects he does have an interest in. The main thing is that he wants to marry you which is the most important thing, because really, the vows, the marriage license, and two witnesses are the only requirements. Everything else is optional. If this really does bother you, sit down with him and tell him how you feel because communication is very important in a relationship. |
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ograchens
Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Posts: 15
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:02 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| WOWdo you think he's might just be getting nervous? Honestly? Because you've been planning this thing for a year and half and he is just NOW worrying about it? I am guessing if you are having your bridal showers and such now that you are getting pretty close. So he might actually be freaking out more because he is getting the feeling that it is becoming more and more real to him that you really are going to get married soon!This is what I've decided with my fiance. I have decided anything that is really important to him (for example I got a cake topper I wanted then he turned around and said he wanted one with little people on it instead and now I have a cake topper I bought on the internet I can't give back because it was an online sale ah!) to write it down for me. Like if he has a particular song he wants played, or if he wants a certain this or that. So he can be involved but only to the amount he's comfortable with. So if he doesn't feel like picking out the wedding cake colors then he doesn't have to but if he wants to have a special song playing when when we cut it then I know. And give him deadlines, that is another thing. I have told him you have until May 31st to pick out this or that and if you don't by then than it's my decision. Because this is OUR wedding but I can't have all of the details cloudy or undecided. Just some thoughts.He might just be getting nervous girl. People tend to start freaking out closer and closer to the date and he might just be having a bunch of thoughts and feelings about everything pop up and he might just have some reserve about what to do. I would say hold your ground firm and ask for his opinions if you want to give them. Otherwise next time he makes a scene tell him if it was that important he would have helped you to begin with. You need to start having better lines of communication with each other before you get married. Him sitting around playing games all day isn't going to make it easier on you. Take HIM on a date and then talk to him about wedding stuff. Just get him away from the X Box or whatever and sit down for some a lone time would be what I would do. Good luck honey! I am sure he's just nervous and freaking out like ALL guys do and you will have a wonderful wedding! |
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nypb
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:44 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| I'll say it again... GUYS DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL OF THE FLUFFY DETAILS OF A WEDDING. They just want to show up in a suit and do the damn thing! He wants to look like a good guy in front of your friends, but think about it, was he ever interested in color swatches or decorations before? Start talking to him about something other than the wedding. He's probably sick to death of hearing about it. That's bound to make him grumpy. Go on dates, hold hands in the park. Do things that remind you why you want to marry this man.Remember it's the MARRIAGE that counts, NOT THE WEDDING. |
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mtnglo
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:27 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| Seriously, I think you should print this out and give it to him. If he still responds badly, talk to the pastor/counselor at premarital counseling about it. Tell him that if he wants to choose something he actually likes then he needs to pay attention and get off the video games! |
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Oreo
Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:10 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| You should un-plug the video games to get his attention - after all what is more important? You or the game!Wedding plans are stressful - communication is the key (thats what i am learning to do).My fiance wants to be involved in everything - complete opposite to what you are going through. |
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MrsT
Joined: 29 Sep 2007
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: Fiance has no interest in wedding planning...but then? |
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| It sounds to me like his issue is more that he wants to feel like you're *including* him in the decision-making process than he is about actually *making* the decisions themselves. |
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