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Straightdowntheline
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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 Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 11:33 am Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Sunday night I picked up my fiance from the airport. He was visiting his family in KS ( we live in IN). He went to do some wedding business and to pick up our marriage licence and finalize our reception site and whatnot. I talked to him everyday, and everyday he told me how much he missed me and loved me and cant wait to marry me. Our wedding was supposed to be June 7, 2008. We have done the pre marriage classes and had EVERYTHING ready...all we had to do was show up so to speak. Sunday night after we got home, he started telling me how great I was, how much I have changed his life for the better. Then we went to finish the invitations together, and I knew something was wrng. I asked him and he said we needed to "postpone" our wedding, then the more he talked said that we needed to be apart for a while. . We have been engaged for 2 of the 3 years we have been together. I am broken. He has called everyday since and has been staying @ my moms. Telling her he misses me and loves me. Help!I just dont know if he has "cold feet", or doesnt wanna be with me. He says he needs to find himself before he can give 100% in marriage. I know there isnt another girl. My mom says he is depressed and misses/loves me. She says she feels like he just needs time to think right now. I am soooo confused.I just cant see how he can just "walk away" if he loves me so much and if I really am "the best thing that ever happened to him". His stuff is still here and our daughter(8yrs old) doesnt know why daddy is @ grandmas house. He has been stressed lately about school/work/marriage plans and the stress of meeting his parents expectations. I just love him so much and KNOW he is making a mistake. He wont stop crying, says he feels terrible. I told him I would help him deal with whatever he is going through, but he says he needs space right now to be "his own person". |
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sweetemtation_123
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Actually, he is confused, not you. I'd leave him alone until Monday/Tuesday of next week. I'd let him stew. In the meantime, I'd consider spending time with myself, reflecting, praying, thinking.If this thing isn't meant to be, count yourself lucky. You learned now, not June 15 |
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software
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Russia
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:38 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Hope for the best, and hope it is just cold feet. There can be many reasons why he does this. But dont know, your going to have to ride this out. But the last thing you want to do is give him a dead line or pressure him. The man will come around.....hopefully for you it works out. Good luck and best wishes.......I hope he is not turning gay!!!! |
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strangerinNC
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| I think it is cold feet.A lot of times the reason why people in a long term relationship don't get married is because they are so afraid of how the relationship will change. It's almost as if they feel things have been so wonderful so far, why even need a marriage? He's probably realizing that he has less than four weeks and he flipped out.I think that giving him space right now is not a good idea. If you are to be husband and wife, now is the time to learn to talk to each other rather than run away. Tell him to lay out all of the issues with you and really listen to what he is saying. You obviously have no doubt in your mind that he is the one so make the conversation about him, his feelings, his thoughts. Reassure him that marriage enhances, not takes away. |
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tasuawayday
Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
Location: World
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:43 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Sounds like he is nervous- he must truly love you...but there is something going on.It is a bit selfish though of him to spring this on you after you have been engaged for so long and the wedding was so close.I never really believed in long engagements- either you are ready to get married or you are not.Talk to him- that is all I could tell you...tell him that you will not wait around for him any more. Maybe he will come to his senses. |
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sparkleythings_4you
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Sounds to me like he just has cold feet. Although he should have said something before you started planning and paying for everything. Anyway, maybe he just feels like he needs some time to think about things so that he can make sure for himself that he is ready for marriage. I would say if you love him give him some time BUT don't wait forever. It shouldn't take forever for someone to realize they love you and want to be with you. I'm curious as to... he calls you everyday and talks about how much he misses and loves you...... if it's like that now what would his life be like without you? Does he want to live without you? If not then there shouldn't be any doubts about marrying you. Maybe his family put something in his head? |
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Tapestry6
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| Better that he does his 'soul searching' now vs after June 7... right?He probably just has cold feet, but it may be more.You need to seek some (additional) premarital counselling before moving forward with this relationship. He's confused, scared and who knows what. |
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Tapseagella
Joined: 25 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject: Help! Engagement ended after 3 years!? |
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| It sounds like cold feet. I would demand a little more of an explanation, though. Why now? You know?(Hugs) |
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