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TedTonTon
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 4
Location: USA
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 Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:45 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| My fiance and I have decided to elope (not really secret) in October. We have decided to do this based on our finances and the fact that planning the BIG wedding was making us crazy! We actually had the whole thing (the big wedding) planned but it was turning in to our parents event and we realized it wasn't at all what we wanted and was going to cost us a fortune to boot! So we've decided to take a weddingmoon and get married, just the two of us.We would like to celebrate with our family and friends as soon as possible and plan to have a reception as soon as we return (we get would get back on a thurs. and have the party on sat. night).My questions are, 1) is it appropriate to send out invitations announcing the wedding date and inviting people to the reception that will happen 10 days later? They will have to mailed 6 weeks before in order to get the RSVPs before we leave. 2) Is it tacky to register? I don't really expect gifts but I know some people will get us something.I just wanted to add that our reception is going to be a party with a dj, caterer, boose, but will just be more laid back than a formal reception. There's not enough time to come back and send announcement and then invites. So I have to get the RSVP's before we leave or assign the task to someone, but I feel uncomfortable burdening someone with that job. We really wanted to do it this way so we could enjoy our actual wedding without the interjections of our parents, b/c the are full of opinions and sometimes they are hurtful as we are an interfaith couple. Our friends know our situation and our totally understanding of why we are doing it this way. Thanks for all of your advice, I really aprreciate the feedback! |
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SweetieP
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:06 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| I think it's totally appropriate to send out invitations. There are even templates for your situation online! Go ahead and register.....I don't think it's tacky unless you include registry information in your invitations! |
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spoorpsoole
Joined: 04 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Zambia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:27 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| I think that is fine but keep in mind it is usually the reception that cost more then the wedding itself. You could when you get back hold a party or bbq that way you can show off your weddingmoon photos. If you have a big reception its still going to cost you a ton of $. I would not tell your parents about it though..just send out the invites then leave for your weddingmoon. Have it all planned for when you get back that way they cant do what THEY want. |
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sweetpea216462
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| Congatulations......sounds wonderful......personally, I don't think you should register....it does sound slightly tacky as people wont be going to the actual wedding........have fun!!! |
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Steph
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:09 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| congrats on getting married!good for you, taking the stress out of it all and having a par-tay!my kind of person!1) i think it is appropriate to give people an invite and give them the heads up so they will know what's comin'2) i do think it's tacky to register. i think you should have a party with no gifts. but you are right, some people will want to give anywayi think that's up to your discretion, but i think registering is tacky in this situationagain, congratsbest of luck! |
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sparkleythings_4you9099
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:30 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| Nothing wrong with your plans. Your true friends will appreciate that you considered to invite them to celebrate your union, even though you held a private ceremony. It's totally fine to send out those invites and register. If I could do it all over, I would've done exactly what you're planning to do. |
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tes4bayb4
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:51 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| 1. The idea of sending out invitations for your wedding reception to people who won't be attending seems inappropriate to me. I agree with having a reception, but maybe just not making it a big, formal affair (ie. not mailing them out 6weeks in advance to wait for responses, etc.). If I were you, I would have a close friend be the contact for the reception and mail out the invites a few days before you leave. Since eloping is supposed to be a spontaneous, small affair, I think the reception should be similar. If there are many people who can't attend, send out marriage announcements. If you're concerned that you won't have a big fancy party then you should stick to the original plan of a big wedding.2. I've read one of Miss Manner's books and she says that registering is tacky. This is because registering is basically assuming that people will buy you gifts (which you should never expect) and telling them what to buy you. Since you don't expect people to buy you gifts don't mention them and if someone wants to get you something you can have your parents give suggestions. |
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sytoolyom
Joined: 30 Oct 2007
Posts: 42
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| short answers: yes, and no.Send the invites for the reception."You are invited to a reception celebrating the marriage of John & Jane Doe on October 15, 2008 at 3pm at the Local Country Club"I would leave off the wedding date in order to avoid confusion. At the reception you can announce that the "wedding took place on October 10, 2008" if you would like. |
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sunflower
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject: Eloping and post reception... Is it proper etiquette? |
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| One of my best friends got married, out of town in a small chapel and then sent notice of their marriage. They too had a family gathering almost two weeks later and everyone pitched in and cooked and it was a simple buffet. Casual attire and it was more fun and comfortable. The two families actually became one by contributing the food, cleaning up and it was great that the families got to do everything together. Send a notice that you will be having a celebration of your marriage. If y ou can afford it you pr ovide the food and entertainment and just say gifts are optional. Someone will ask what you want or need and let others know. |
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