|
|
17RearpMapWal
Joined: 12 May 2008
Posts: 10
Location: Nepal
|
 Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
 |
|
|
| We are getting married next year, have already picked and informed our wedding party. Only two on each side and then OUR little girls as our flower girls and our son as the ring bearer. My mother in law has just assumed that my fiancees sister...her daughter (who I do not even speak to unless it is a family thing...Christmas and Thanksgiving!) and the daughters little girl will be in the wedding. I have told her no, that the party has already been chosen and that our children are in the wedding. She is telling the rest of the extended family (that are not even invited, my fiancee has not seen them since he was like three...that her daughter and the girl are in our wedding. I have made it clear they are not. I am not trying to be mean, but even though it is his sister, they are far from close and we see the little girl twice a year. They are invited, but not in the wedding. The mother has told family and co workers of hers that they are and that she cannot wait to see them!I do not know how to get it through her head. I have been very blunt about it. She has told me that they will be making sure to get a hotel room where we are getting married so they will have time to do this and that. I have told her that the rooms are $475 a night and we are only staying there on our wedding night and not to waste her money. Still , she does not get it. I think it is weird. My husband to be is like, just ignore her and when you do not take her to get dresses she will get it then. What is wrong with her. Also, she is not helping with the wedding at all, in any way, so I do not feel obligated to "make her happy, just because". Help.For the people that say, just have them in it anyway. Would you have a stranger in your wedding. Yes, she is family to my fiancee, but I do not know her and my husband only talks to them twice a year. I think it is crazy that their mother...who also we only see about once every month and a half would assume they are in our wedding. I think it is weird. We are not even having the mother walk down the isle at the beginning of the ceremony. Do I have to just get to the point of being rude about it?P.S. I know that the sister thinks she is in the wedding....without even talking to me. My step mother in law (the normal one) called and said that I need to do something about it pronto, because she was at their house complaining that I would probably pick an overpriced dress that she is going to have to pay for. I told my fiancee to call and take care of her right away. He is going to call her after dinner tonight and let her know that his mom is assuming things and that our wedding is a small destination wedding (thus the $475 rooms) and that there are only two people on each side plus our children. I think she will get it. WHat I am most worried about is the rest of the family thinking that I kicked them out of the wedding when they see the pics an stuff, even though they were never asked to be in it, due to what his mother is telling people. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
 |
1Sluccaddicy
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 53
Location: Guatemala
|
| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| She sounds like a meddling,assuming *itch! Anyway....print out a list of the wedding party and who is invited to the wedding and make sure she sees it,even if you have to personally hand it to her so she is clear about the arrangements once and for all. Good luck with her,sounds like you'll need LOTS of it!Yea,I think it's gonna have to get to the point where you're gonna have to be downright rude to her. This is YOUR day,not her's and the sooner she realizes that,the better. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
22sophiepsy
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 17
Location: Somalia
|
| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 9:16 pm Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Strange that your fiance wants this to fall on you as the one who 'forgot' to call his sisters and their kids for their dress fittings. HE needs to sit down with his mother and explain the wedding, if she will not listen to him, HE must speak with his sisters and tell them how his mother is not listening and he needs explain the details. She may have already planted the seed that they are in the wedding and they are waiting for their phone call. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
17unsorsefs
Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 12
Location: Ethiopia
|
| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 10:38 pm Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| I'm not sure theres anyhing else you can do. You;ve already told her how things are going to be and if she can't accept it, thats not your problem. If you think it will help you could contact the daughter (or get your husband to do it seeing as it's his sister) and let her know that there's been some confusion, that the bridal party has already been chosen and she's not one of them but you look forward to seeing her a tthe wedding. Other than that, the best you can do is just go ahead with your plans and hope that his mother gets the hint when her daughter and grandaughter haven't been included in any of the planning. It's YOUR day and nobody has the right to tell you how things should be done, especially if they're not helping! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
17unsorsefs
Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 12
Location: Ethiopia
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 12:01 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| First, are you sure you want to marry into this crazy family? Think about it long and hard. Think about it objectively, not romantically. Cos this is just the beginning, you know? There will be more craziness to come, if you become a member of this family.First, I would write this woman's daughter and granddaughter a lovely, kind letter. I would tell them in this letter that mother-in-law has misunderstood. Apologize (yes, even though none of this is your fault). Tell them they are not in the bridal party, but you look forward to seeing them at the wedding. Make this letter sound as sweet and polite as possible.There . . . it is in writing. Now there can be no question about it. Besides, the daughter probably already knows her mom is crazy.You wrote: My husband to be is like, just ignore her and when you do not take her to get dresses she will get it then. If MIL wants to make reservations at the hotel for $475 a night, then let her. Do not make reservations for her. Do not pay for it. Just leave it be. Leave any of that up to her.Other than that, follow hubby's advice. Let her words go in one ear and out the other. Do not take MIL to get dresses. As for what MIL has told family and coworkers? Ignore it. I am sure they all realize how she is. They won't think a thing about it.Let your fiance deal with her, as much as possible. She is his mother, his problem. I don't like how he is not standing up for you, not confronting her. He needs to deal with her, not you. Good luck.EditYou wrote: Do I have to just get to the point of being rude about it?Sometimes with people like this . . . yes! One must be very assertive. Don't let her walk all over you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
1Sluccaddicy
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 53
Location: Guatemala
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 1:23 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| I'd straight up tell her to get over it that it's not gonna happen.... She'll get mad maybe if she gets the point this time lol... but she'll get over it.... It's ya'll wedding, have who you want in it and invite who you want to invite... it's ya'lls day to do what ya'll want , the way ya'll want.... good luck! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
1Sluccaddicy
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 53
Location: Guatemala
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 2:46 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Honestly, I wouldn't worry about whether or not your mother-in-law understands that your fiance's sister and niece will not be in the wedding. Make sure that you tell your fiance's sister (or even better have your fiance do it) that she is not in the wedding. Broach it with her by saying that your soon-to-be mother-in-law has been saying things, and you wanted to make sure she knew so her feelings wouldn't be hurt later.Then, when your mother-in-law says something the next time, hopefully her daughter will step in and save her some embarrassment later. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
15AudillaLoaday
Joined: 03 Apr 2008
Posts: 10
Location: Cape Verde
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 4:08 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Well, the egg will be on the MIL's face not yours. Simply have your fiance (his mom-he should do it) that you will be having a very small wedding and yours and only your children will be in the wedding. You have decided to do this and unless she is opening some big purse strings she has no say and to please stop telling family that they will be in your wedding. Also tell the SIL that it was never your intention to cause hurt feelings, but you never stated that her daughter would be in the wedding.Good luck, sounds like *fun*. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
1DREAMEAWARA
Joined: 01 Dec 2007
Posts: 20
Location: Armenia
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 5:31 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Well, finally you are doing the right thing. It was never your responsibility to handle this; it was your fiance's responsibility. It is his family & he is in charge of telling them the info. about the wedding. Since his mother is obviously a little loopy, or maybe just pushy, you will both have to be careful from here on out. Make sure you both agree that since she obviously has her own ideas about how you should have the wedding, you need to make a vow of silence about the wedding where she is concerned. DO NOT let her know any of the info. until she absolutely has to. Do not tell her the colors; just tell her to wear any color she wants. Do not tell her the flower colors, or anything! Then, at the wedding, have an impartial party, such as your wedding coordinator on the lookout for her and the daugther and granddaughter. Make sure they intercept them if they try to make a scene, or worse yet, try to sneak down the aisle with the attendants! If need be, have an off-duty cop there just in case they need to be asked to leave. Hopefully it won't come to that, but you never know. Although, if you have not hired a coordinator, you should seriously consider it! In situations like this, I have found that people who might normally cause a scene, are on their best behavior when a stranger is in charge. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
17unsorsefs
Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 12
Location: Ethiopia
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 6:53 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Just tell her you don't want those people to be at your wedding and that's final.It's your wedding and you should take charge. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
16FlusFlourhoom
Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 10
Location: Greece
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 8:16 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| Elope |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
1lyloaboodycle
Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 49
Location: Burma
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 9:38 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| I'm trying to understand why you are entertaining this woman in the first place. DO NOT let her know any of your wedding plans. The more you tell her, the more she will think she is part of the planning. If she asks questions, tell her the planner is taking care of things (and you are). Can you change the hotel for the honeymoon? If so, let her know you're staying in an undisclosed location. Stop allowing her to raise your blood pressure. If she wants to spread news to the entire world - let her. It's still your day. Tell your fiance to put his pants on like a big boy and handle his business. If he does'nt, then this is what you have the rest of your life to look forward to. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
14Sheelliodilky
Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 18
Location: Kuwait
|
| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 11:01 am Post subject: Mother in law assumes that her daugter and granddaughter are |
|
|
|
| your idea for your guy to call his sister and explain is goodand she and her daughter can be in pictures from the wedding...groom's family with the bridal couple |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
FAQ
Search
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
