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Braifsnaf
Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Location: Peru
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 Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:18 pm Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| When my fiance and I began planning our wedding, we decided it would be a formal, sit-down dinner. I have two children in the wedding who are 7 and 9. We made the decision not to invite ANY children under 5. I love children, but it's a lot to ask of a toddler to stay content during a 4 course meal! My fiance spoke with his family when we were in the beginning planning stages and gently told them that children would probably not enjoy this type of wedding and that because of space and cost concerns, could not be invited. A month before the wedding, his family called him screaming and crying that his 3 year old neice wasn't invited or chosen as flower girl. They say that since she is a relative, she should have been chosen over the girl I chose (I was the flowergirls nanny for 5 years and have known her nearly her entire life and am very close to her and her family). I think it should be our decision ...what do you think? |
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brandy8528
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:22 pm Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| Of course it is your decision. Could you compromise and have both as flowergirls? |
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BrandonTWL
Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 41
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:26 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| When i first read the title of this question, I thought "oh no, another selfish rant about children ruining MY day" which seems to be a prevalent theme here.HOWEVER, this is EXACTLY the way no children at a wedding should be handled. I think you were very polite and you followed all the proper channels in regards to how you un-invited children. I applaud you for that.As for the in-laws...they really should get over it. You spoke with them very kindly about it in the beginning. You explained your reasoning. They had plenty of time THEN to voice concerns. You are completely in the right to choose WHO plays a role of honor in your wedding. Stay strong and stick to your original plan. You handled everything beautifully. They may pout for a bit, but ultimately they'll get over it.Good luck, and thanks for being so refreshing and mature! |
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Brandy5711
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:30 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| I think its your wedding you should be able to invite who you want. Its not up to anyone else to make you invite the children or to make their kid be a flower girl. I have far too many neices & newphews i decided straight away that there would be no flower girl or page boy for that reason. Im also have a sit down 3 course reception but a i am inviting all children, simply because none of my family live near me & all would have to come here for the weekend & they would have to bring their children. Im just going to set up a kids table at the back of the room with colouring pencils & booklets etc to hopefully keep them entertained. Plus there will be dancing & we all know toddlers love the dance floor!Good Luck |
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boxofrain8764
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:35 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| i think it tepends on how many kids your counting out. if its just your niece, then you should let her go. but if its like 5+ toddlers that wont be attending, then thats a different story. besides his family should have raised hell when they first heard about it, not when everything is set in stone! you at least have the excuse "we talked about this months ago & everything has already been decided. sorry" |
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Boxermom0175
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:39 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| i think you should eother not invite these family members or postpone till they get that you dont really want the young girl you stated will not be capable to stay awake the whole time you are having your wedding. i have a cousin with a son and i have said to her that she would need to leave her with a nanny or her boyfriend stays home with him because she is my maid of honour. |
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breakfastattiffanys
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:43 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| uh yeah its your choice....but to make them happy you can have 2, I am having 2 |
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Braeshotol
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 23
Location: Mexico
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:47 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| I think you were under no obligation to have her as a flower girl. Its presumptuous of them to suggest she must be the flower girl.But I think you were wrong to not invite children to the wedding, especially family. Its not your job to decide if the kids can sit for the dinner hour, its their parents job. And to say cost is a concern is rude; you are essentially saying the kids are not worth going the extra mile for. Its one thing to not invite the toddler of your co-worker who you have never met; its another to not invite a member of your family. |
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breakfastattiffanys
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:51 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| good grief. people sure feel entitled to all sorts of things these days, including places in the wedding party. if they had said something sooner, i'd be inclined to agree with the first answer and say compromise, but a month might not be enough time to get a dress that matches and fits.of course it's your decision. sometimes, though, it's helpful to flex a little when it comes to the future family. the less they get antagonized now, the better your relationship is likely to be. don't be unreasonable, but don't give in to unreasonable demands.let her be a flower girl if you can get a matching (relatively matching) dress and she's a well-behaved three year old, but keep your policy of no kids at the dinner. that right there might solve the problem.people are far too sensitive about having the "perfect" wedding. if you relax and let the little things go, you'll be much happier. it's one day of your life. |
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brandy8528
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:55 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| I think that you should get to pick out the flower girl and if that is the only child for the reception the why not get coloring books and colors and things like that to keep children busy or talking to the venue about daycare....have a childs table set up for the reception if it is going to cause that many problems... |
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brandyfan22
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:59 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| Of course this should be your decision. I don't think that you should have to compromise unless it is something that your fiance wants to do. If you are happy with the children you have selected, then stick with them.If you want a delicate way to get out of it, tell them that the programs are already printed and that if you included his niece that you would need to change the programs and then you would have to invite your (pick a relative)'s daughter to be a flower girl also, and your (pick a relative)'s son to be a ring bearer. They should understand and just get over it. It's not about them. |
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brandyfan22
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 10:03 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| Your decision, your wedding, your day. They can be mad but what can they seriously do? |
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bravessquaw
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:08 am Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| I would have your fiance politely repeat what you already told them, reminding them politely that you mentioned this months ago. Emphasize that the dinner will be very formal and very long and that you really don't think there is anyway that a child under 5 could be expected to sit through it. Tell them that if you were having a less formal wedding, you would, of course, have invited their child, but that has been your dream since you were a little girl to have this beautiful formal wedding and that you really don't want to give up this dream. It's important that you and your fiance present a united front on this issue and that he does not represent you as the bad guy.If it get's ugly you could always remind them that the three year old will never remember the day and that you resent them using their child to manipulate you. Or you could give in and deal with a screaming squirming toddler. It might seem like giving in on this issue will please everyone, but what they are asking is actually incredibly rude. It's my opinion (which, in this case might not be right), that you maybe setting a precident in which your in-laws walk all over you. (I'm sure my MIL finds me a delight to have in the family, right? : P). |
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bravessquaw
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject: Child at wedding? |
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| I think you are absolutely within your rights to choose who comes to your wedding. And it is very common, these days, for people to specify 'no children under five.'It is for the same reasons you listed, that we are also not having any children under five at our wedding.Weddings are not an appropriate place for small children, as you stated they are not capable of sitting through a formal meal, and you wouldn't expect them to.And I'm sorry to say, but with all the money we have spent on photographers and videography, I'm not having a small child ruin our ceremony by running around/crying/screaming etc.Don't get me wrong - some parents are great and would calm their kid down, but there seems to be so many parents these days who would ignore their child if they were disturbing the ceremony!!!As for your relatives screaming at you.....they will just have to get over it. It was very rude of them to assume that their child would be flower girl. If you are closer to the girl you used to be nanny for - choose her for sureGood luck |
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