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boxofrain
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 18
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 Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| He is great is so many ways but with the wedding date, I feel I am getting mixed signals. He proposed to me and moved our relationship along faster than most. He says all the time he can’t wait to married me. I suggested a wedding date of January 10,2009 because I have 3 a week break from work and from grad school so we can have a honeymoon and time to spend together as a married couple. After we started looking at dates, he decided he doesn’t want to get married until after May 2009. When I asked him why, he simply says he wants to be divorced a minimum of 2 years before he marries again. I am happy to let him pick the date and I do want him to be comfortable with the date. However, is he stalling for another reason? He and I talk so well and I try to talk with him about it but he says it is just what feels right for him. Anyone have any insight into what he might be going though?THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOUI love the insight. HE might be worried out people thinking he is remarrying too soon. And he has mentioned that he was worried he wouldn’t be in a financial position to purchase a house after we married. I guess after the ring and other things he is feeling a pinch and doesn’t want to worry me. You are all right, he is being honest and I am sure the reason he is giving me his is true feelings. I never doubted that, but I love how you realized there is more that men think about. Men and women are different and I didn’t put these things together even though I know his financial hardship after the divorce, and his dissatisfaction with being the only person who has ever divorced in his family. KEEP YOUR COMMENTS COMING. I love to know a man’s perspective and feelings as the wedding approaches. |
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bowttasal
Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3
Location: AU
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:24 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| I dont understand the whole divorced thing.. Did he get divorced from another person and wants to wait 2 years until he marry's you? Even though you have more time available in Jan I think it would actually be better to wait until after may that way you have a year to plan everything! |
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Bownthini
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Guyana
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:48 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| He is likely being truthful with you on the two years' rule. He may think that people will get on his case for remarrying "so soon" after his divorce, and he wants to put a little distance between one event and the other.Sit down together and pick a date in the summer of '09 and see what he says. If he balks, then ask him for all his input and see where things go. |
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Boxermom0175
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 7:12 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| His answers are legitimate. I think he explained his feelings very well.You are not going to be married very long if you keep looking for a deeper, hidden meaning to things.Let me make this easy for you. Guys really are that simple. Be grateful that you have a man who expresses his feelings. My husband just grunts and says, "Cuz." Then he goes and hides in his tool shed. |
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bountifiles7866
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 7:36 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| He gave you a decently valid reason. Wait till summer maybe or even the fall. Plan and look at having a wonderful wedding. I dont see it as a stall |
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Boxermom0175
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| Trust your instincts. If you think there is an unspoken issue, there probably is.Talk it out. I suppose waiting two years after a divorce before re-marrying is reason enough, but YOU are the one who must judge the truth of the matter. Since you moved 'faster than most', you can always tell him that May doesn't work for you and push it back even further, giving yourselves even more time to become more intuitive with one another's personalities.I say again: trust your instincts. |
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braida
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:24 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| It's only a difference of about four or five months, so I think you should be okay. If he tries to postpone it again, THEN I'd ask about his intentions. If there WAS another reason for him, I'd assume it's money-related because that's what we often think of. Whether it be money to have a better honeymoon, money to buy a house after marriage or whatever, I'm fairly certain his intentions are honorable. |
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boxofrain8764
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:48 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| My question is WHY MARRY?If you two love each other, and trust each other why would you marry? OK say you really wanna marry.Whay dont you ask him why hes postponing the wedding. Tell him what your feeling about this.Maybe hes arranging a great honeymoon. |
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Boxermom4424
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:12 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| it's weird that he's set this 2 year timeframe on his divorce, but that's one of the little idiocyncracies you'll have to put up with when you're married. it's weird though that he does that and doesn't give any explanation, I couldn't live with someone like that for the rest of MY life. |
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braida
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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I can really see why he wants to wait two years.When I met my fiance, he had been divorced for 4 years. A couple of weeks into our relationship, he told me that he NEVER wanted to get married again or have more children (his first marriage was because she got pregnant), but when he met me, he changed his mind. However, what I find interesting about what your fiance said is that mine said he wants to date at least two years before we get married....and two years and 2 months later, on October 3rd, 2007, he proposed  This will be my first marriage, but for someone that has already has one failed marriage, making SURE it's right is important -especially when the divorce is so fresh. If I were you, I'd sit down with him and suggest maybe late summer of next year. Show him that you are understanding and he'll appreciate it Congrats as well!! |
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braida
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:00 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| I think maybe it is a valid reason. he wants to let enough time pass between one event and another so it doesnt seem like hes rushing into things. he may also want more tiem to plan a wedding and maybe eve a summer or fall wedding. I would try picking a date in the summer or fall and see what he says. if thats still a problem then I would ask him what date works for him. if he still give your excuses then I might question his intentions. good luck! |
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boxofrain9442
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:24 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| He's making sense.Usually it's best that someone doesn't even start dating again until a year after the divorce is final - they need that time to do a post-mortem on the relationship, figure things out, get counselling if they need it.Seems like you two have done things rather quickly, so count your lucky stars he's thought this through and wants to wait.So though it might feel hard for you, it's better to wait til he's sure. |
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bountifiles4875
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:48 am Post subject: Why is my Fiancé postponing the wedding date? |
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| My fiance and I had the same problem (though he's never been married before) We had discussed dates and had decided on April. When I started to want ot plan things he started getiing wierd and wanted the wedding to be 'later', it wasn't the right time for him. When I asked why, he would always say "I don't know" and after a while i got REALLY annoyed. Finally he said he wanted us to own a home to move into before we got married, didn't want to rent. Honestly, I don't know what goes through a guys mind sometimes. I think they have this idea in their head of how things are going to pan out and it doesn't occur to them that it's not just their life, yours is involved in this decision too. I don't think they realise that being left in limbo isn't very reassuring. I don't even think they realise what they're doing... |
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