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ILoveCoffee2047
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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 Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| It is natural. Take it light. |
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IamMARE9975
Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 108
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:00 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| to be honest, if they are like you say they are...then i think you'll just have to tell them straight up. Your parents will NOT be paying for the grooms parents in any way, shape or form.seriously don't let them get to you though...just ignore it (literally), and just keep telling yourself that "they aren't paying they don't get the vote" it can be your mottowhat does your fiance think about it all? maybe he'll have to talk to them about the line they are crossingthey'll hopefully come to their senses |
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IamMARE9975
Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 108
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| I would talk to your fianc'e and tell him how you feel then you both should go and talk to his parents together about this. I agree it is not fair but they will do this if you 2 allow them to. sounds like to me they are a freeloading set and probably spend all their money or drug or booze I am sorry if that sounded bad but wow not even wanting to help their own son get married? I think that's awful |
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ileyontager
Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:24 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| Have your fiance talk this over with his parents. When you look at The Knot or any wedding planning book, the groom's family pays for the corsages, transportation of the groomsmen, bridal bouquet and rehearsal dinner. Your parents are not required by tradition (or by common sense) to pay for everything -- especially the travel expenses of your in laws. Let's say you can't convince your future in-laws of this wedding etiquette, your parents are not still obligated to provide a wedding beyond their means. After calculating all the costs of your dress, the photographer, reception etc. if your parents can't afford to pay for their transportation they shouldn't have to because above all else -- they're not even responsible for it in the first place. |
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iamnolvadexin
Joined: 10 May 2008
Posts: 74
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:36 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| Although, there are no hard and fast rules as to who pays for what in a wedding anymore there are some traditional guidelines that help sort out who pays for what.You are right, traditionally travel expenses to the wedding are paid for by the family member or guest attending. And traditionally accomadations for out of town wedding attendants are paid for by the bride, this does not have to be Hotel expenses, I am sure if you have a family member or you and your fiance have an extra room for guests this would be acceptable. All wedding attire is paid for by the individual, like the groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl (by parent of child), this would include mother and father of the bride and groom.The rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid for by the Groom's family as is the usher's boutonniers.As to what is served at the wedding this is without a doubt the decision of who is paying for it.Planning your wedding can be stressful enough without the demands of the parents of the Bride and Groom. To keep peace with your new in-laws, tell them that," you have planned your wedding around you, your fiance's and your parent's financial means and that what you are serving at the wedding has been decided by you and their son, I hope you can respect our decisions and I am so happy that you will be able to share this special day with us."As far as their request for you to pay for thier formal attire and travel expenses, maybe you should print out a list of traditional who pays for what lists and mail it to them.http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/who_pays_for_what.htmlThey might be surprised as to what they are "traditionally' responsible forHope this will help, and CONGRATULATIONS.P.S. It might be worth getting them a Hotel room so they can go back to their room after the wedding and to have cocktails. |
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ifilmu
Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:48 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| My fiance' and I spared ourselves such fiery torment by paying for everything ourselves, but kindly have your fiance' (coming form you would be a bad idea and they aren't likely to hate/maim/kill their offspring) tell them, "Mom, dad, if you aren't contributing financially to our day, I/we would prefer that you not contribute verbally either. If there is something specific that you want, or someone you want to invite, get our approval, and pay for it." Then explain that what you're planning is your day, and that you're not paying for anyone's dream but your own. |
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iamnolvadexin
Joined: 10 May 2008
Posts: 74
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:00 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| My advice is to be kind, courteous, and gracious to your in-laws no matter what and let your husband handle them. In other words, if they like to complain then just let them. And go ahead with doing what you know is right. However I am wondering if there is more going on here than your message tells. Is there some special clothing your future in-laws are being expected to pay for? And what sort of travel expenses? Are your own parents substantially better off than those of your beloved? And so on. I couldn't disagree more with your idea that paying for wedding expenses "buys" one control of the festivities. |
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Ichigo-themisticpeachoflo
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:12 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| it's ur day do whatever u want to do |
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IG64
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| Okay, simple.You don't have to respond to someone's grousing...it's called turning a deaf ear.....or 'Yes, dear,'....married men with the morning newspaper are really good at that...lol.And people will have an opinion no matter what you do so..Have the dry wedding. Tell your in-laws they can buy their own booze and whoop-it-up......after the reception. Your parents are refusing to pay for alcohol and do NOT want it there....they pay so they say.As far as the in-law's outfits......since when does their future daughter in law's parents buy ANY of their clothes?.....that's nonsense and they can think it all they want....tell them they will have to ask your parents themselves to buy their clothes...and be prepared for a stinging refusal.Ditto on the travel expenses...they wanna attend the wedding? They get there themselves.What are they gonna do if their demands are refused....say they aren't coming? Then tell them they'll be missed (tho I doubt it lol)Since they are 'stiffing' the wedding by not financing things that they should, there is no reason they can't handle their own transportation expenses and accomodations.Sound like a bunch of cheap freeloaders....and I wish you all the luck you need in dealing with them......... |
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IgniniOxyncadc
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 4
Location: Lithuania
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject: My groom's parents are paying for nothing but complain about |
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| Well, if they live locally, or an easy drive away, then they pay their own transportation. If they live a plane trip away, then the bride's parents should be offering to pay for the air fare and accomodations, according to etiquette. The groom's side of the family pay for the bride's bouquet, the corsages for the honored guests, the officiant, the bride's ring, the groom's clothes, their own clothes, their own gifts to the bride and groom, and the rehearsal dinner, and the honeymoon.I would sweetly and nicely, in the middle of one of their whine sessions, thank them kindly for their imput, ask them what it is that they would like to see, and tell them the place where it can be found, and welcome them to go get it. Another idea is to get the groom involved in controlling his parents, and get him an article from a bride's magazine or one online, that says specifically what the family's are each responsible for paying for, and have him sweetly and nicely read it to them. And perhaps a lecture about how he has to live with his bride, and get along with her family as long as they all live, and they need to get in his corner and support him, and try to get along. It is them who are missing out on a opportunity to make buddies with the inlaws, and forever consire with them to make sure the bride and groom stay in line. |
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