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_tolas_asra_
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 31
Location: Poland
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 Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| Maybe get her to come with you to the place in his hometown that you want to hold the reception... and show her why you love it so much and can't see getting married and/or having the reception anywhere else! Maybe she'll feel better about it if she knows what the place is like.Otherwise if she still won't budge on it, just be prepared to pay for the hall yourself, like you said you would do. It is your wedding after all and if you wanna have it in Siberia, then she should be happy for ya, lol :)And traditions aren't what they used to be... a lot of traditions that were in place when our parents and grandparents got married just don't fit in anymore with the times. Especially where there are so many destination weddings nowadays...Good luck! |
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_lyre_qweku_
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 36
Location: Australy
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:23 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| "Traditions" like she has mentioned are going right out the door these days.The problem is there isn't going to be a decision that makes everyone happy because you want 1 thing and your mother wants another.Your options are: 1- anger Mom, pay for the wedding yourself, and have it where you want or 2- appease Mom and have the wedding in a location you do not want.While rational people will tell you its no big deal, you are on "Wedding Turf" now and everyone insists on having their 2-cents into the decision making and they will fight, argue, whine, annoy, & irritate you and even threaten you with non-attendance in order to get you to do things their way.I learned real fast to keep my mouth shut about wedding plans until after the arrangements & deposits were made. |
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_repus_inipul_
Joined: 25 Apr 2007
Posts: 38
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| I've never heard of that tradition. It's your day and it should be where and what you want. Try to explain this to your mom, and hopefully, she'll be ok with it. good luck. |
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_tolas_asra_
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 31
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| Dear Flustered Bride!PLEASE take my advice. GET MARRIED WHERE YOU WANT!I am been there and done that and it SUCKS MONKEY BALLS!!I get married THIS Sunday and My fiance and I ARE NOT excited about the wedding. We just want to call it off and go to the JOP.I got engaged last Summer. My fiance and I wanted a Beach Wedding Ceremony for 100 people and and outdoor reception...My Mother had other plans. She wanted a Large in door church wedding for 200 people and wanted a Huge sit down dinner with the Whole Shabang! My mother is 60 and were 22 and 23. We don't have the same taste in "fun and elegant"..We let my Mother walk all over us. Now the only one who is excited for MY WEDDING is my mother...My Groom and I are UNHAPPY and miserable. Nothing we wanted we got. The wedding is the wedding of MY MOTHER"S DREAM, NOT OURS.Darling do yourself a favor and slam your foot down. It's your special day. Right now I am supposed to be excited and happy but I am not...O I love my husband to death...I really do but this whole process just sucks.She wanted to have it in a large church |
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_tolre_qweho_
Joined: 28 Apr 2007
Posts: 35
Location: Stafford
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:55 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| I am constantly amazed that you girls accept the offer from your parents to pay for the wedding, and then are so surprised and offended when they try to take control of everything. What did you girls think was going to happen? The way they see it is... Their Money = Their Party = Their Choices. This should be a wake-up call to all of you that are not yet engaged to get your finances ready to pay for it yourselves if you don't want your parents to make demands.Just try to explain to her that you realize she had different visions of it, but that this is your wedding and you have defined ideas for it, see if that works. |
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_liqwe_opithe_
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 16
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| Hi and congrats!Why not say...."hey mom....I know you like XXX hall, but Tom and I were thinking of XXX hall. Would you like to come and take a look around with me and see what they have to offer us."If you put it to the POSITIVE instead of the negative (I want...you want), then maybe she will go for it.Yes, I must agree....back in the day, it was tradition to have the wedding and reception in the bride's hometown (because the bride's parents were paying.) But....30 minutes away? That is hardly far. It's not like it's across the country. And, like everything else, so many of those old-fashioned wedding traditions are really outdated now.So...why not ask her to lunch and a day of "wedding planning" and take her to the place you have in mind and see what happens! That is all I can tell you. |
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_liqwe_opithe_
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 16
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 10:17 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| She's freaking out over a half hour drive?? I'm telling you, the only reason she's bent out of shape is the fact that it's HIS hometown. Do your parents and his get along, or is there underlying distrust there? If you went a half hour in the opposite direction, chances are it wouldn't be an issue at all. A half hour is nothing, and is practically your hometown. My fiance and I had a deposit down on a place 45 minutes from his hometown (3 hours from mine) and my parents flipped a lid over it because it was closer to his town. It's completely a political thing. I ended up canceling that location and now we're getting married an hour from me/3 from his family and all is dandy now. A half hour is NOTHING and she needs to get over it, but guaranteed the only reason she's moaning about a half hour is because it's his town. |
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_yopul_yomim_
Joined: 05 Jun 2007
Posts: 25
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: HELP! I just got engaged and already my mother wants the rec |
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| You two pay for your own wedding, and have it where you want. Don't give up control. |
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