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nj_nyc
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 23
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 Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| ok. im 18 and im dating a 23 year old. we both have full time jobs (i get paid $15.50 an hour and he gets paid $20 and hour), im going to college to become a teacher, and already have a 2007 pt cruiser that im currently paying for. (not bad for an 18 year old).. weve been together for over a year and hes really great to me. i obviously started dating him when i was 17, so i think that if there was a problem and my parents really hated the idea..they would of said something at an earlier time, but they didnt:) (even though they dont like him because they think im too young to be dating, and they dont like him because of his age) anyways..my bf is now my fiance..he proposed to me on our one year. im very happy with him and we arent getting married until i finish college, which is in 4 years. (my parents dont know that we are engaged even though i wear the ring in front of them). we just put a deposit down on a real nice apartment. 2 bedrooms, 1300 sq ft and wow its great:) so excited. we put this down payment down because my parents make it real hard for us to see eachother and it really sucks. and now since we are engaged, i want to live with him because you dont know someone until you live with them. am i right? i dont want to waste 4 years and then marry the guy, and when we live together, find out that hes a slob or he has financial issues, and then end up in a divorce. i have a good point. but how do i tell my parents that im leaving? the big move is really in about 2-3 weeks, and i remember that i mentioned moving out to my mom a couple months ago and she told me that she wouldnt be in my life if i moved in with my bf. thats pretty harsh, and i dont want my parents to hate me. i want them to come to my wedding or i want them to see my kids. how do i tell them? im just so afraid that they'll cry or they'll just flat out not talk to me anymore. please help. thanks:) |
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NizExhimi
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:29 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| Tell them you are an adult and its ok for u to be dating an older guy. |
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njoynlife
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| hmm hard decision its your choise not yahoo to tell your future! |
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NITYKEYPE
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 27
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| ur kidding right? |
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njoynlife
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| You determine your worth, and deep down, you know the repercussions of your actions. As Spike Lee would say, "Do the right thing". Use your God given common sense. |
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NizExhimi
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| tell them. how hard is it? if they are mad that he is older say that you really love him and tell them that he is a great guy. sound like you guys are already livin' the good life. |
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NISIOTIADBALS
Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 40
Location: Cyprus
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| this is a tough question and I was in the same spot when i was your age. I would say be upfront and tell them exactly whats going on and your reasoning. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and that your parents (just like mine were) are way too overprotective. Once you get out on your own they will start to respect you more as an adult, since you are 18 and have the ability to make your own decisions. It won't be the best day of your life when you tell them, but it will be worth in in the end ... good luck and I wish you the best! |
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Nizkeetty
Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 43
Location: France
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:51 pm Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| Tell them like you said, that you want to keep them in your life, want them to come to your wedding, want them to see your kids WHEN YOU HAVE THEM EVENTUALLY (make it clear you are not pregnant).Who's paying for college? Are you totally supporting yourself?Are you using good birth control? Whose name will be on the apartment lease? What if you don't get along and he does move out--can you support yourself and keep the apartment then? |
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NizExhimi
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:45 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| this is a tough one. to me it sounds like, even though you are only 18, you are extremely responsible and have an incredibly level head on your shoulders. if your parents cant see the wonderful daughter they raised, that's a shame on their part. I would just sit them down and explain your plan. And it sounds like a very good plan. if they get mad, then too bad on them. when they see that you are a woman and can take care of yourself,I'mm surethey'lll come around. but tell them soon because im sure it will only make them angrier if you wait too long. |
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NISIOTIADBALS
Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 40
Location: Cyprus
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:38 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| Your parents are way too protective. Your 18 and are an adult and if you love him, then thats great! Get married! They shouldnt be threatening not to talk to you because of him.Im 17 and dating a 25 year old...to some that may seem wrong...but my parents know we're extremly happy together and they really like him for that, cause its all that matters. Is being happy. |
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nj
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:32 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| wow thats one hard situation to be in. i hope that your parents find the compassion in their hearts to let you live with your fiance. i think that your parents are just worried that youre throwing your life away because youre too young to be engaged and still isnt done with college yet. i know that they only hope for the best. i dont know exactly what to say to this but what my parents always tell me is that "no parents ever want to see their child in perish." so i assume that no matter what decision i make, they will support me just as long as they know that i know what im getting myself into.i really want to help but this is all i can think of. your parents cant stand kicking you out their lives just for this. that would be going against what they lived for. all this time, they supported you in whatever you've done and maybe theyre only acting like this because theyre afraid to lose you. |
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NITYKEYPE
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 27
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:26 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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Just sit down and have a very calm chat with them. Explain everything that you talked about in here. But make sure you listen to what they have to say too. They might have some valid points, just as you have some valid points. I'm sure that the only reason they would be upset at all would be because they are worried about you. But explain to them that you are trying to do this the smart way by living with him for a while when you're in college. And also explain to them that if it doesn't work out, you will move out and figure out what else to do. If your mom has that big of a problem with it that she insists she won't be a part of your life if you move in with him, then tell her that you're really sad that she can't be mature enough to let you behave like an adult. Okay, don't really say that...but think it.  You should definitely ask her WHY she feels that way. and really listen. Let her go on until she's done with reasons as far as why she wouldn't want you to live with him. And once she is done, then try to (very calmly) explain your side of things. The best idea here is to not get upset and get defensive, because that's an immature response. You want your parents to see how mature you are capable of being. And make sure they know you have REALLY thought this through, but want their input as well since you love and respect them. But, if they really can't get past it, then maybe there's a reason they're not telling you. Or, maybe they are just not ready to let you grow up. Good luck. That's a pretty sticky situation you're in. |
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nkbapbt
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:19 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| You are your own person and being a mom myself, I love my daughter more than anything and I trust she has the values I have tried to give her. You sound like you have your a great head on your shoulders and you are thinking clearly. If your parents truly love you they will come around in time. You need to live your life. Just be careful not to have a child for then your career will suffer. Children are wonderful but they take up a lot of time. There is time for that after college. |
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NizExhimi
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:13 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| the sooner the better. dont wait until the day of that will make it worse. You obviously have a great head on your shoulders and you seemed to be making good choices for your life, your parents are just trying to protect you since you are only 18. sit down & have a heart to heart with them & just be honest. you are an adult now so they need to trust that they raised a good girl. it was very hard on my parents when i moved out...years later, my mom is my best friend. Good Luck. |
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Nizzle
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:06 am Post subject: how to tell my parents? |
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| Well, they have already decided they won't talk to you if you go ahead with your plans. You know this, and you'll have to deal with it. Do what you wanna do. Tell them you're an adult now, and you need to live like one. You wanna experience life and should not have to keep going to mommy and daddy for advice about everything. This is your decision and if you wanna do this, no one can stop you.The only way you can tell them would be sitting them down and talking about it. There's not magic to it. Whatever happens, happens. If they don't wanna talk to you, there is nothing you can do about it. You didn't listen to her but she also doesn't want you growing up, I'm sure, which is also wrong. You better have enough money saved for a child or two. Not "will have" but "have now" because if you keep saving, you'll never have to worry about the prices of the baby stuff and there won't be any added stress (which will cause fights and eventual divorce more often than not).Just know what you're getting yourself into. Marriage is not a joke (or well, it shouldn't be) and if you're gonna go through all this to get married, it better be forever. No exceptions! You need to get the finances in order now before you even get married, so you will already have a system if the marriage does happen. Tell your parents you understand they're against what you're doing but you feel the need to go out there and experience something new. Not everything you'll do will be pleasing to your family but if they love you, they'll stand by your decisions and be there for you if you happen to fail. If they choose not to be there fore you, I hope you have great friends that will be there for you because it's hard to be alone. If there are no friends, you can always try it on your own, which would help you find your inner strength. Buy all the books you can on parenting and learn from them all. I'm sure there are books on getting along with a spouse, too, so look for those. If you work on this, I'm sure you'll be fine. Just don't expect your parents to "get over it" anytime soon. They won't. Unless maybe you have your bf talk to them. "I understand you don't like me but I promise I will take care of your daughter and won't hurt her for any reason." Don't try too hard, though. I can imagine how much it hurts a parent when their kids don't listen to them. They're scared for you and there's nothing you can do to change that. Just make sure he proves himself worthy of you. To you and to your parents. |
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