|
|
protonship
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
|
 Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:45 am Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
 |
|
|
| Getting married in 3 wks... This is my 1st wedding and my fiance's 2nd.I want everything to be perfect but i feel like i'm getting jipped... with his 1st wedding his whole family came and they participated in the ceremony and stuff. It was important to them.With our wedding only his mom and 2 cousins are coming - his dad isnt even coming. They paid for 'their' honeymoon, and my fiance told me that we'll be lucky to get even $200 from them....Im not being a gold digger or anything but we chose to pay for our own wedding... my parents have helped out alot and even agreed to pay for 1/2 the honeymoon costs - if his parents paid for the other half... they said no.We cant afford to pay for the honeymoon ourselves or we would.I know marrying him will be special, and that its about us and our vows to one another but i just dont understand why this wedding doesnt seem to be important to them...Is this how it goes for every wedding involving someone thats had a previous marriage?Am i over reacting?Its not like they dont have the money... i would understand that, but they're loaded... So whats the deal and why dont they care?No, he has no kids....JAZZmin: He DOES NOT have any kids. We have 1 child. TOGETHER.I dont have an attitude. I have NEVER even met his parents. They live in another state. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
 |
ProudM
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 38
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| YES! Sorry but it should not be that important. And you are marrying him not his families money right. If you feel slighted now, you might want to rethink your plans. If he has kids, you will be second after child support and your kids will be second also. Maybe his parents paid for his 1st. and don't feel he is done yet. Oh, please rethink about this relationship. Especially if you have these feelings. You deserve to be FIRST now and always.Good luck. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ProudNavyWife
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 20
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| You don't have money for your honey moon or wedding and he has kids?I hope you know that the money goes first to the kids and you are second , it is not really a good place for an intelligent woman but if you don't care to be the second class citizen for the rest of your life go for it.You can't blame the parents for not wanting to support you on your wedding, they know their son, and it seems that you will not last either. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ProtikMaitra
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 31
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:45 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| You hit the nail on the head...THEY are loaded. YOU are not. Why does it matter what his parents have? That's what THEY have and what THEY worked for!My in-laws are very well off and I have never once taken anything from them for granted. (That's why I'm favorite daughter in law)My SIL has taken it for granted that "they" have money and that's why they aren't getting it.Perhaps it's your attitude that has turned them off.Good luck.Edit***So why should people you've never met pay for your honeymoon anyway? They owe you nothing. Sorry, but I wouldn't be marrying someone who didn't see fit to have me meet our child's grandparents. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Proudtobe51
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 16
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:25 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| Why hasn't he brought you to meet his parents? If he didn't care enough to introduce you to them, maybe they don't see the marriage as important.Not really over reacting so much as reacting to the wrong thing.It is a problem that the marriage won't be celebrated by his family but not so important that they choose not to pay towards another one.Some religions/people don't believe in divorce and might see him as committing adultery by marrying you. But they would at least like to meet you normally!I think focusing on having a relationship with his family instead of worrying about them paying for things will reflect better on you and be more productive. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ProudM7924
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| It depends on the parents really. My guy has been married several times. His mom is really excited over the wedding. His brothers are excited about coming, but neither of his sisters expressed any interest so they are not on the guest list. His dad and stepmother aren't attending. Look at it from their standpoint. They already shelled out for his first marriage. Why should they do it again? It is also possible that they aren't particularly close to this son, so they really don't care.I kept my wedding budget scaled down so I could have a honeymoon. It's in the budget. My suggestion is to do something close by for yours and plan on a better one later on when you have saved for it. It's a bummer when things can't be exactly how you'd hoped, but I'm glad that your family is supportive. Congrats! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ProudM6943
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 26
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| well, this happened to me too...over 25 years ago...his family did not believe we would stay married so they skipped out on the $$ contributions to any of it...some even did not send or bring gifts or attend because they "did that last time"...so we paid and my parents paid what they could and there was no rehearsal dinner or honeymoon but 25 years later I have the last laugh...still married, great kids (while the "favored" sons have snobby wives and bad, really bad kids) and in the past years they have come to depend on me for support and care...so they didn't care 25 years ago...it was harder on my husband realizing how they were and he was embarrassed and hurt...so we know that the marriage is ours and what we make of it not about them...rise above and show your good character even in the face of insult |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ProudNavyWife
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 20
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:25 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| No parents are obligated to give their kids anything for any wedding, whether it's the first, second or ninth. They may feel like they contributed to a wedding for a marriage that was a failure and they don't want to get burned again. The other possibility is, if your HTB married young the first time, that he's older now and you two live as a self-supporting unit already with your child, so that you should be able to provide your own wedding. The fact that your parents are helping is great, but it's certainly not required and should be looked upon as a huge blessing.As for the honeymoon, there is no reason you must take it immediately. My FH and I won't be able to go on ours right away (mostly due to being able to schedule that much time off work at the same time) so we're postponing the honeymoon trip for a few months. It will also give us a chance to build our savings back up a little!I do think that it's kind of unfortunate that your parents put a condition on their contribution to your honeymoon (only if the ILs pay too) but perhaps they'd be willing to pay part if you can come up with the rest from wedding gift money? It's worth a thought. Even if you don't get enough to take a trip right away you could save up for a while longer and go when you have the cash on hand. Worth a thought. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Proudtobe511806
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:05 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| Maybe they feel like you and he are already an established family. It could also be that they don't know you (they haven't met their grandchild's mother? that's alarming!) so maybe they don't feel obliged. In any case, if they are uninterested, it's really only themselves who are losing anything of any substance, i.e., their son's marriage. It sucks a lot to not be able to rely on them for any help, but maybe having the financial restrictions will lead you to the decision to scale back the wedding to something that you can afford by yourself. There are lots of things that you can do to have a classy, yet affordable wedding.Good luck! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Proudtobe51
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 16
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: Getting married... His 2nd marriage, my 1st? Not fair? |
|
|
|
| Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!I agree with Elizabeth and Lisa B.My opinion:His parents seeming to be uninterested could stem from the fact that:(1) they have already contributed to one wedding for their son;(2) they have a soon to be daughter-in-law and a GRANDCHILD that they have never met? I'm assuming since they have not met you, they have not yet met their grandchild? Geez.....I have no idea why his family seems disinterested, but it could stem from the two items I mentioned above. In any case, THEY are the ones who will be missing out on their own son's wedding if they choose not to come. There really is nothing you can do about it. Has your fiance spoken to his mother and father and expressed how hurt he will be if they don't come? Obviously, none of us knows your fiance, but it doesn't sound like he has too good of a relationship with his parents if he has never brought you (or your child....their grandchild!) to meet them.Perhaps a little phone call from your fiance is all that is needed....I don't know.In any case, good luck and I hope you have a happy marriage and a wonderful wedding. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
FAQ
Search
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
