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protonship
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
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 Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| Tow years ago, I married my husband in a court house. We were both college students and didn’t have money at all, and my parents live in another country, so we didn't have a wedding/reception. In my country, tradition is that the groom's family will pay for the wedding. Even my husband’s grandma told his mom that “she should help us out with the wedding”, but my mother-in -law said that in the US the bride's family would be the ones to take care of the wedding. So we didn't have a wedding in the US. My parents paid for both me and my husband's air tickets to my home country (over $3000), our honeymoon expenses, and a ceremony in my home country. His parents gave us $20 cash and a set of plates as wedding gifts. They make decent money (over $100k/year). I was a bit upset but didn't want to make a big deal about it. I was thinking-- as long as my husband and I are in love, then it won't be a big deal.Now, recently, my husband's brother became engaged with a girl. They were dating last year for a month, then they break up, she slept with a few guys and got pregnant, and all the guys denied they were the father. Then she had the baby, during this time she was living with a guy, but she calls my brother -in-law all the time to pay for the diapers and formula coz she didn't work. My brother-in-law stepped up and said he would take care of her and the child. He proposed with an expensive ring and she said yes. I was chatting with my mother-in-law, she told me that she will pay for their wedding, because "she doesn't have a daughter and she will never get to plan a wedding." I was extremely upset when I heard this. I think she is being unfair. If she didn’t want to pay for our wedding and said that a wedding should be the bride’s family’s responsibility, then why is she paying for my brother-in-law’s wedding now??? Her family lives right in town and would be easier to plan a wedding! (both my brother-law and his fiancée are working, verses when we got married we were both in college.) In some way I feel hurt, coz I have been so nice to his family, but it feels like this whore his brother is marrying is more well-received than me. I know, some of you would say it is not a big deal. But if the same situation happens to you, can you really be calm and think it is fair? I want to hear about your opinions. What would you do if you were me? |
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proscissionssalon
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| Advice would be not to challenge the money issue. I think though that I would say to MIL (mother-in-law) that she needn't pay for a wedding to get 'a daughter' because she already has you. If you do not want to have that kind of relationship with her, then it is best to keep your mouth shut. Maybe the new daughter-in-law is willing to be the daughter MIL has always wanted. That is not always a pleasant thing.It is hurtful, and it is likely that you may always feel a pang when you think about it, but it is her money. Perhaps she was against the wedding when you two were students and not funding it was her way of expressing that displeasure.Whatever, if you and your husband have a happy marriage, that is the best revenge. |
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Proudtobe51
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:09 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| WOW i cant imagine how u feel. I really hate it when people who have lower status than u get reated better(considering she slept with many men) Anyways i think u should jus talk to ur mom in law and tell her how u feel and if she isnt going to maybe give u and ur husband some money then forget her and dont even talk to her because u were so nice to them. Hope i helped:) and good luck! |
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ProudM
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:21 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| talk to ur husband |
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ProudMomma
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| Well it is a big deal to you, obviously, whatever anybody else thinks and that's what matters, those thinking it a triviality need not answer as nobody is forcing them to.I agree, double standards, completely.No it isn't right, but are you sure circumstances haven't changed and now your in-law is now able to help whereas before when you married she was not actually able to.That may be a consideration here, maybe not.Whatever the case, your harbouring resentments will only chew you up inside and maybe even have negative effects on your continuing relations with your husbands family members and potentials to escalate into more harmful dynamics both as per familial situations and to you internally.If it is petty favouritism for whatever reason, just try to rise above it and be better than them by not paying into it because if that is the reasoning behind it, they will likely be getting off on seeing you affected by the favouritism's and whatever prejudices are causal to their petty behaviours.Whereas, if that is so, rising above it and seeming unaffected and strong will get at them more than anything and you will be in the right, by doing nothing more than ignoring it.Hope that helps. |
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ProudNavyWife7040
Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:45 pm Post subject: Hurt... Please read and help me!? |
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| you should talk to your husband about all this. try to make him understand how you feel, (in a nice way, don't take out your anger on him), and then you two can decide together if it is something that needs to be brought out in the open and discussed. That way if you say something to your ml and you to get into a fight he will already now the reasons and not get mad at you. i understand you are hurt, i would be too, and i would want to tell them how i feel, but its not worth causing problems between you and your husband. |
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