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djlover4life85
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:16 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| Question for you Has your FMIL contributed to the cost of the wedding? If so she should have some say in it. Remember its not only your wedding but also his. And they may say they want no part of it but they do. Tell him everything is going to be pink and watch how fast he will start helping you.My FMIL is contributing to our wedding and guest what I am also taking advice from her as well as my fiance and my own mother. That was very rude of your mother do that. You can always take other peoples opinions or ideas into consideration. |
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fizzygurrl19806532
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:58 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| Rather than set an unpleasant pattern of bitterness and resentment for your future with your MIL, why not just give her one or two specific tasks to help out with for the wedding? Just say, "You know, we'd really love your help with (some random thing you don't really care too much about). Would you like to take that over as your wedding project?" She'll be happy that you are letting her help with something, and you'll be happy that she's not beige-ing up your wedding too much, and everybody wins. If she keeps trying to force her ideas upon you, say, "Gee, (name), you should be a wedding coordinator with all those ideas, but you know how sometimes you just KNOW how you want something to look ever since you were a kid? That's how I feel about the wedding. It's been living in my dreams since I was a little girl." She should understand that and back off. |
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miss_nikki5474
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:40 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| Very politely and with a smile. Tell her you'll take her suggestions in mind, give her tasks you feel comfortable trusting her with, and maybe give her more information about what you are looking for. Hopefully you're looking at this person being in your life for the rest of hers, so try to play nice. :)As far as her role being different and involving lots of beige, I personally find that to be a rude thing to say. Just because she gave birth the the part of the couple that has a Y chromosone it does not diminish her role. That's the same as saying the bride is more important than the groom. As much as some brides would like to think so, last time I checked it equally took two people to get married. |
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inlovewithsuperman
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:23 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| Sounds like she does not have any daughters, possibly he being the only son too? If that is the case, politely explain that this is your wedding and you have dreamt of exactly how everything is suppose to be since you where a kid. Then give her a very important task. Tell her I want you to take care of the entire rehearsal dinner for us. That's one less thing off your plate and she has something to focus on besides you and the rest of the plans. If she is just butting in because she is a control freak and wants things to be done her way just because then tell her to buzz off, in a nice way, that you are handling the wedding just fine. To just leave her completely out of it will only make her try harder. Sit down and have a good heart to heart with her. She will appreciate that more. |
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proudgrandma
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:05 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| My first thought is why are you bothering with this question. I know from all of your previous Q&A's you can't stand your mother-in-law and think she has no place in your life. I'm betting you are the one thumbs down on all of the kinder answers. Obviously you don't want to hear what is right.You are not a very nice person where your mother-in-law is concerned. You are in for a lot of unhappiness with your attitude not to mention what it will do to your spouse. You have another woman that is entering your life and you need to open the door and let her in instead of slamming it into her face repeatedly. Guess what, mother-in-laws are women, moms, sisters, aunts, and grandmas just as your own mother. We have hearts and feelings too. Just because we give birth to a son makes us no less deserving.You are against you mother-in-law PERIOD. It won't matter what she does in life you will fight her at every turn. That is your hubby's mom, show some respect. Maybe, just maybe if you let her into your life you would overcome some of your bitterness. EDIT: To your last comment, once again I say then why are you bothering to ask the question! |
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TotalRecipeHound9419
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| Gosh, I thought a wedding also involved the groom? You would do well to use ONE of her ideas without it putting a hole in your plans. I also had specific ideas of what I wanted, but I found including my future family members has actually resulted in a lot of cost saving as well not to mention the warm fuzzy inclusion factor. |
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valschmal4215
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:29 am Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| First, clear something up for me & yourself. Is she taking it upon herself to call you out of the blue, come over unannounced, etc. to unload all these ideas on you? If yes, then you definitely are correct in saying that she is a little overly enthusiastic in expressing her ideas & I can see where it would get on your nerves. However, this is a good time to try patience and consideration with a woman who will now be part of your family! I don't think your mom's comment was very nice; think how you would feel in the future if you had a precious baby boy getting married & his fiance's mom told you off like that? If, however, the above scenario is not the case, and what is actually happening is that when you and the fiance are around her, you talk about the wedding & the wedding plans. THEN she tells her ideas and opinions. That is a totally different situation; if you are talking about it in front of her, then she thinks you want her input. If you don't, then stop talking about it in front of her. End of story.Either way, the best way to handle this situation, when anyone offers unwanted advice or ideas, is to be gracious. Tell them this:"Well, that's an interesting idea. Of course, we have not completely decided on all the details yet, but I'll keep that in mind".This answer tells the person that you respect their right to have an opinion & that you will consider it. It tells them that they were actually "heard"& that you are a considerate person. It, however, does not promise that you will use those ideas or take that advice. With an answer like this, everyone wins. They are happy & you have not done anything except have some manners! |
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Hillary8775
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| My suggestion is to grin and bear it. Listen to what she says, nod and smile politely, and then do what you like. No law says you have to do what she suggests, and it'll be easier than getting in her face about it and dealing with her resentment about it for the rest of your lives. Her wedding suggestions will only last until your wedding, but if you diss her now, the ramifications could last forever. |
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Mythoughts1257
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject: How do I tell future mother in law I am not interested in he |
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| There are two people getting married here and two mothers are involved. You would be wise to be gracious to her and use some of her ideas. They can't ALL be completely awful ideas. |
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