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JaymeLeafe
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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 Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:40 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| My fiance and I are going to have a small wedding and then a small reception in another venue. The dance would follow the reception. We don't care how many attend the wedding ceremony, as the church will hold them. Same with the dance. However, since the reception is a sit down dinner, and we must know how many people to provide food for, it must be invitation only (right?). I assumed this would be simple enough...thats what invitations and RSVP s are for. But my future mother in law keeps saying that people who weren't invited, but see the wedding announcement in the paper, will show up to the wedding, and won't understand why there is no reception at the church, and will feel hurt when told that the reception is elsewhere and they weren't invited. My feelings are that if they weren't invited, they shouldn't assume they will be accommodated. What should we do?As posted in my other question, I do not care to announce my engagement, as we have been engaged for 3 years and everyone who needs to know already does. I would prefer to announce the wedding after it is over, but my MIL says I need to announce the engagement and provide details on the place of the wedding and reception.Sorry to sound so confusing. She wants me to announce the engagement in the newspaper and in that announcement, to invite all family and friends. However, we dont want to use the newspaper to invite anyone and everyone. Thats why we are sending invites. But she seems to think people will get offended. |
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nml2573
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Put specifically in the invitations, if it isn't too late, that you need to know due to where it is and that you are sorry, but anyone who doesn't RSVP cannot come to the reception. |
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pspoptart3020
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:51 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| People who show up just because there was an annoucement in the paper are rude. Let them be in the church but don't inform where the reception is. If they are even ruder and ask you simply have somebody say "I'm sorry the reception is invitation only" or "Since you are an uninvited guest the bride and groom have requested that you cover your plate for X dollars in order to attend the dinner portion of the evening due to budget restrictions"If the future mother in law wants to have an open dinner for everybody who reads the paper to attend then let her sign the catering contracts and pay her for the meals that you were prepared to cover for invited guests. Anything over that from random walk-ins is her problem. |
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ashnperry
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:57 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| People should know better than to assume they are welcome at a wedding and reception they weren't invited to. If you would like the dance following dinner to be open to the public, state that in your announcement or send out special invites to people you want to know about the dance but don't necessarily want to invite to the prior events. |
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LG
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:02 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| A wedding reception is by invitation only - with RSVP cards included in the invitations you send out - and the envelopes are addressed to the person only, if one is invited with out date/family, or to the person and guest or the person and wife/family (if you're including the kids); be specific. If you invited people informally, you need to tell them by what date you will expect an acceptance. On that date, you should call those on your list who you haven't heard from and say that if they do not indicate then whether they will attend there will be no place set for them. It is common for people to be invited to a wedding and not to the reception (not many of us have the wealth to do otherwise); in those instances, the invitations are sent out only a week or two before the wedding; in the case of out-of-town people you want to inform but don't want to come to the wedding, you send out the invitation (if you don't want to go to the expense of a separate announcement) on the day before the wedding. It arrives after the wedding; problem solved. When you're sending out invitations, you could send invitations with inserted cards that invite the guest only to the dance, specifying the time and place for the dance and making NO mention of the reception. If you're inviting informally, again only give specifics about the dance. If anyone has the nerve to ask about the number of hours between the wedding and the dance, reply it is because there will be a private family gathering during that time or that you have to devote the time to final preparations for your honeymoon trip, etc. They really don't need to know any details. It's YOUR wedding.No one should be allowed into a reception uninvited. It is the height of social ignorance to attempt it. If you're really worried, you can hire security to check invitations/names against your invitation list at the door of the reception hall. Your future mother-in-law is either awfully socially inept or expert at attempting emotional blackmail. If that's the case, you need to nip it in the bud now before you wed or it can become a major problem in your marriage.And congratulations on your upcoming wedding. |
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AvisB
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:08 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| When you use the phrase "wedding announcement in the paper" I am assuming you mean newspaper . . and that's where your error begins.Are you announcing your engagement? Or are you announcing your wedding (two different things)?A wedding announcement should NOT be put in the newspaper until the wedding ceremony has taken place. A wedding announcement is usually put in the paper "seven to ten days" AFTER the ceremony.So you can avoid this whole problem of "uninvited guests" by not posting your wedding announcement until the correct time (after the ceremony). Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant |
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livelongandprosper2000
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:13 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| i have never heard of people just showing up at a wedding based on seeing the announcement in the paper. but you could always mention that in the paper that the wedding is by invitation only. or you could say that well wishers are invited to the dance at such and such place and time that will prevent any unwanted guests from the wedding and reception. |
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iloveweddings
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:19 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Hi and congratulations!I did not answer your other question, as I figured this answer will suffice for both.Go ahead and announce your engagement in the paper. But, do NOT do as your future mother-in-law suggests (i.e., putting in details of the wedding.) To be honest, I have NEVER seen this in an engagement announcement. Call the newspaper that you want this in...they usually have a form for you to fill out and they format and edit it. The only "wedding" thing I have seen in an engagement announcement is something to the effect...."a May 24, 2008 wedding is planned." There is never mention of a venue, date, and/or time....so there is no need to worry that univited guests will show up.And....who would be so bold as to show up uninvited to a wedding? You are totally right in your statement of "isn't that what invitations and RSVPs are for?" YES...that is correct!Go ahead and put an engagement announcement in the paper if you want...but do not do as your future mother-in-law suggests. To be honest, a newspaper would NOT let you put details like that in the paper! It opens the door for would be thieves to come into your home to steal everything...it HAS happened before!Good luck! |
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Jasmine8088143
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:24 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Your MIL is very mistaken... You do not invite guests through a newspaper announcement. That would be a huge mistake and you wouldn't be able to budget for your reception. Announce your engagement in the paper with the date of your wedding but do not give out any more specifics about your wedding other than that. Most couples will send out save the date cards (so guests can plan ahead for the upcoming wedding) then a few months later send out the wedding invitations. |
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sden26164912
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:30 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Your FMIL is wrong, you are right. You could put an announcement in the paper before, only just say your names, where you are from , where you graduated from, where you work, etc, and then say something at the end such as a May 2008 wedding is planned. You do not need to put all the details and invite the whole community. Unless people recieve an actual invitation in the mail they should not expect to come. Also you probaly only want to invite people to the ceremony and dance if they are going to be having the seated dinner also, Otherwise it seems rude to invite them to the ceremony and dance , but not supply them with dinner |
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maigen_obx6987
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:35 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Your MIL is trying to cause trouble by making you announce your engagement with wedding details in the paper. You don't HAVE to do it, especially since people in your town are so rude as to think they are invited to the reception since you got married in a church. I have never heard of anything so assinine in my life. Announce your wedding in the paper after the fact and everything will be much easier. |
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hitchnj0917
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:41 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| it sounds like your mil wishes you to have a much grander wedding with more of her people... if there are serious concerns about uninvited guests coming to the reception/ceremony ask the church about a rec room on site where you can have punch served after the ceremony for people who would like refreshment and might not be invited to to the reception. ask the reception hall to post a sign at the door which says "Invited guests only please - private event." |
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Lydia1134
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:46 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| It's too late to announce the engagement, duh. I wouldn't put an announcement in the paper with the wedding details - that's just asking for trouble.You just send invitation to those invited to the wedding - and the same people MUST be invited to both the ceremony and reception. You don't invite more to just the ceremony. |
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JM6749
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:52 pm Post subject: Will uninvited wedding guests expect a reception? |
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| Tell your mil to piss off. No I'm only kidding but she is seriously in the wrong here. You should be sending out 2 invites. One for the ceremony and dance, and one for the dinner. This isn't an open house frat kegger it's a wedding. Tell her you will not be making an announcement in the paper until after the wedding is over. |
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