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roscoedeadbeat
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 34
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 Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 4:25 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| I'm so stresed by the details of planning the wedding. And that my fiance is not helping out or at least not very involved. We're putting everything on my credit cards. I went to my friends wedding shower who is marrying a good (guy) friend of mine. A guy who was crazy about me for ever. In the past I told him it wouldn't work us dating, cause I wanted to settle down and he didn't seem interested in getting married and getting a real job. ( he was a 40 year old waiter) Well 11 months after dating my friend, he proposes with a family heirlom, 2 carot diamond ring. (my ring is glass) He get's a great job paying him $25 bucks an hour and a brand new car. So anyways I went to her shower, and and she was being so coddled by her mom and her mother in law to be. ( I love his parents) My mother's dead and my fiance's mother doesn't seem interested in the wedding at all. (It's his second Marriage) I'm so depressed thinking I chose the wrong route. Please tell me this feeling will go away..Thank you to those of you that have been positive. I do love my fiance. I think this might be a case of the grass is always greener and wedding stress and not having any females in the family to help me work threw these feelings. Thank youThank you to those of you that have been positive. I do love my fiance. I think this might be a case of the grass is always greener and wedding stress and not having any females in the family to help me work threw these feelings. Thank you |
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Rogee
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 5:20 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| Maybe it will, but it seems you have some serious thinking to do. I never once felt I was on the wrong route, and truly, that doesn't sound very good. Leaving the other guy out of it, you should feel cherished by your fiance, and even if he isn't into the planning (many aren't), you should feel something other than depression. Maybe this is your mind and spirit telling you this isn't right. I'm sorry to not have something more encouraging to say, but I never think marrying for the sake of being married is a good idea. |
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RoseG
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 48
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 6:15 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| you are jealous that is what it is not that you are not happy with yourself you regret letting this guy slip by |
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rosie
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:11 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| This feeling may not go away because it sounds like you feel like you are with the wrong guy and are wishing you were with someone else. You are fixated on the material things of the other guy. I think you are depressed because you know you are choosing the wrong route, but I don't necessarily think that the other route is right, either. Obviously, you weren't the right girl for the other guy or he would have proposed to you.Sorry you are hurting. |
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RTR
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 8:06 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| First, I think putting everything on credit cards is a bad idea. I would find a way to say out of debit if a all possible. Debt can create more depression.I can't tell you if the feelings you have will go away or not. I hope that you end up happy though. Maybe you should put off the wedding until you are sure. |
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royabear
Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:02 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| I wish I could tell you the feeling will go away, but it sounds a little more serious than just pre-wedding jitters or cold feet or whatever. Lots of brides have a moment during their wedding planning where they look over at their fiance eating cold queso dip and Tostitos and laughing uproariously at some dorky Fox show like "When Zoo Animals Attack," and they go, "Ah, jeez, is this what I've signed up for the rest of my life??" That's normal stuff. But what you're talking about is a subconscious unwillingness to marry this guy. Not because of the glass ring or the lack of help you're receiving financially and emotionally for the wedding, or any of that. I need to be blunt with you- if you really loved this guy, it wouldn't matter if you were wearing a gum wrapper around your finger, planning to get married at the DMV. You'd be ready for marriage and all it entails because of the basic love at the heart of it all. My advice to you is to postpone the wedding- not call it off entirely, but maybe just give yourself some time to assess the situation and see if a) you want to be married to this guy for real, and b) you want to be married at all. I was in the same situation as you once, and I called off the engagement and we just went back to square one with our relationship, and guess what? We're engaged again, five years later, and we both couldn't be happier. See? Sometimes it's the right guy but the wrong time in your life. Good luck to you. : ) |
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RortJore
Joined: 08 Jul 2007
Posts: 16
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:57 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| Oh honey!!!!!!!! If you have ANY DOUBTS CANCEL THE WEDDING!!!!!!! YOUR GOING THE WRONG ROUTE! PLEASE DONT GO THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING YOU MIGHT REGRET IT. If your future husband isnt excited and doesnt seem to care about the wedding imagine what its going to be like actually being married to him. Its bad that all the stuff is being put on your credit card. WHERE THE HELL is his credit card or money so that he can HELP foot the bill for the wedding he is getting married too!!! I dont think that feeling will go away. I have never heard of pre wedding depression before. Usually brides are excited up until the big day. |
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S
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:52 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| Oh my. I don't know what to say. It sounds like you need a good cry. Then, after you cry, I think you should talk with someone you really trust, like your best girlfriend, and look deep in your soul, and ask yourself if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Will he be there for you through better or worse, through sickness and health. If the answer is no, or you are not sure, then maybe you should postpone your wedding date until you are sure. I am sorry if I sound cruel, but I truly believe that you must love the man you marry, and he must love you too. I am sorry if I offend you, please forgive me. |
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RonnyRolls
Joined: 21 Oct 2007
Posts: 5
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 11:48 am Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| you should not be getting married to this guy.......you will end up divorced |
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RonjHipl
Joined: 07 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:43 pm Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| Whoa, this isnt depression, this is doubts. Think about what you are doing and who you are marrying. Does this guy feel the same about you? email me if you want to know more of my insight, I dont want to state it publicly. |
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Rubillain
Joined: 12 Jul 2007
Posts: 14
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| every bride gets a bit of depression from it, i get lots of these feelings at the moment as my fiance doesnt help out much either!! its stress, when your weding comes it will work out in the ed!! |
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rortemeasep
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Venezuela
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:34 pm Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| It sounds to me like you should think twice about getting married. Like you are wanting to marry anyone not your FH who you are suppose to love. You should not compare your love for your Fh and your friends. and certinaly not compare what you "could have had" . I would think twice about this marriage, don't be in such a rush...... It sounds like you are in love with the idea of getting married instead of being n love with your man. |
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Rose
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:29 pm Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| I wish I could tell you these feelings will go away. First of all my mother is also dead and it is hard to plan your "big day" without your mother. My mom had been 15 yrs when I got married, it was still hard, brought back a lot of feelings. Luckily I had other family memebers to help, my husband didn't want to help much with the wedding planning but when I asked he always did something.I think you are worried you made the wrong choice but the other guy never proposed to you, so that wasn't a choice to be made. If you are sooo depressed maybe you need to postpone the wedding until you have saved a little bit more money, credit cards are a bad way to go. If that isn't something you want to do find a good friend(or sister) to help you, talk to your fiance's mother, maybe if she knew how you felt she might help a bit more. Maybe you are just looking at a situation that is something you want yours to be and it isn't the guy at all.... Think about why you said Yes to your guy, and try to make the best of what you have and not look at what someone else has. Good Luck!!!! |
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ronc
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: Pre-wedding depression will this go away? |
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| Wow, sounds like a very stressful situation...with the planning of the wedding and all, especially because your hubby to be isn't pitching in. I got married 3 years ago, and the same thing happened to me...I had to do everything! The reality is that he's probably not 'into' the whole wedding planning and the details, but this doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you... He probably just wants you to tell him that you'll take care of everything, and that you'll be the girl in the white dress at the church waiting for him at 2 o'clock! Besides, if you do everything yourself, you'll have the gratification of knowing that everything came off without a hitch thanks to you! Oh, and I almost forgot, this is about the time you should enlist the help of your bridesmaids. By agreeing to be your bridesmaids, they're not only agreeing to wear the pretty dress, but to help you with ANYTHING! In regards to your ex, the grass is always going to 'seem' greener on the other side! This shouldn't make you doubt your feelings for your fiance...your ex might have given your friend the 2 carrot diamond ring, and have the new car and the 'great' job, but that's all on the outside. Their relationship might be a disfunctional one, and yours is probably strong enough for both! There are so many people out there who only care about appearances, so don't let 'appearances' get in the way of your happiness with your fiance. Just because her future mother-in-law is affectionate towards her, doesn't mean she loves her! Come on, how much can you love a person after 11 months of knowing them??? And about your mom, I'm so sorry to hear that you no longer have her with you. However, nobody can replace her....not even if you were still with your ex and had his parents to lean on. Try to find comfort in the memories you have of her and be proud of the person she was by keeping her with you always. Your mother-in-law might be feeling like your fiance, but that doesn't mean she's not happy that soon you'll be her daughter-in-law, and she may warm up to you after the wedding....mine did! I think this may also be a touch of cold feet...possibly...but it happens to everyone. You should try to think of all the reasons why you fell in love with your fiance, and all the positive things about him. Maybe if you write them down, it'll help you to see why you've chosen this route! |
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