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pspoptart4882
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 24
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 Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:45 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| My husband and I were married by a judge 8 years ago, with no wittnesses. We were planning a renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary, but due to the failing health of his grandparents and father, we decided to move it up. We are having a church wedding and recreating what we would have had, if we could have. I am not having bridal shower/bachelor party, but I do want to have my brother walk me down the aisle as my father is no longer with us. I really want this to feel like a wedding but most of the advice I am getting limits me on what I can/cannot do. Would it really be that horrible to have 3 attendants and traditional dances, cake and all. I do not want to offend anyone, but I really want to include those who will probably not be here in another 2 years. We are limiting guests to 100 friends/family. Is it really wrong if it is something we really, really want? I would be gratedful for any advice.We are not asking for gifts. We are only aknowledging what we have and asking people, especially those who may not be here in another 2 years, to share in our celebration. I plan on including a note w/ the invites to that effect. I want nothing from my guests but their prescence and joy. |
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pspoptart8380
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:52 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| I don't see why it would offend anyone. I think it's a little strange to do an entire reenactment but if that's what you really want and it will make it special, then you you should absolutely do it. Let people think whatever they want, do what makes you happy. |
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psyportespoke
Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
Location: VN
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:59 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| No, it's not wrong. I think it's sweet. I would go ahead and have whatever you want with whoever you want to invite. There's nothing wrong with having your brother walk you down the aisle or having a cake, dance, etc. The two of you go ahead and have what you didn't get to have the first time and enjoy! |
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pspoptart8594
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:06 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| It sounds like a wonderful idea and even nicer since you are pushing it up so your loved ones will be there for it. If you want it, go for it! If worst comes to worst, you are having a large party and getting family and friends together and no one can not like that! Everyone who wants a wedding (out of a courthouse) whether it be the original wedding day or 8 years later deserves on if they want it. Besides, why would it be selfish? Is it hurting anyone? I hope your family and friends support you, I don't know why they wouldn't, but I think it sounds really nice. |
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psstoffagain
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:12 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| If you want to have the wedding with all the bells and whistles - Go for It! But you can't register for gifts or anything like that as long as you've been living as husband and wife for 8 years now. And I don't think a church will "marry" you, but I'm sure you can have a nice service somewhere else. Good luck! |
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pspoptart9838
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:19 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| I did the same thing for our 20th anniversary. I wore a wedding gown, had a reception, the whole nine yards! Don't worry about what others will think, just enjoy yourselves. If you really don't want to offend anyone then slip a piece of paper in the invitations that says no gifts. If people are offended, then they don't have to come. The important part is that you get to do it while your parents are still around. |
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pspoptart0942
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:26 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| To make a big thing out of it now would make it seem as if the two of you weren't really married all this time. And that's kind of embarassing for everyone involved.I suggest that you have a low-key ceremony which illuminates and reveals rather than outshines the previous 10 years of your marriage. |
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pspoptart8220
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:33 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| CELEBRATE! Pull out all the stops and have fun. Feel free not to invite those who complain. |
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pspoptart4267
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:40 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| i just went to a 25th that was just like a regular wedding. do what you like and can afford. make a special toast during your reception that mentions the people who mean something to you during these last 8 years, that would mean a lot and bring your event into the present, and make it relavent. on your invites you could write, 'because of what you have meant to us during our 8 years of marriage, we would like to request the honor of your presence at our vow renewal ceremony and reception. or something like that. |
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protonship
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:47 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| you know what it is your wedding do what you and your husband want .. my girlfriend has been married three time and had a big wedding all three times and all the same people came ... so what . if others think it is not a good idea it is your day. good luck and have a blast |
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pspoptart2972
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:53 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| Sorry, you gave up your traditional wedding years ago when you married in front of a judge. Even if you have bridesmaids, food, a reception, etc. and try to force it to feel like a wedding, it will lack the genuine excitement and happiness that only comes from actually getting married. People will resent having to buy gifts, get all dressed up and attend a fake wedding, just to make you feel better about missing out 8 years ago.Instead of throwing yourself a wedding, host a family reunion at your house. This way you can acknowledge your anniversary, get all the family together and make some great memories without the whole "Look at me, I'm going to pretend I'm a bride" thing. |
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pspoptart0683
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:00 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| Why would it be selfish? If you want a celebration, then throw a party! By all means, go for it. If I received an invitation to share in my friend's or family member's vow renewal celebration, I would be delighted, not offended. If you're that worried about what people might read into it, just state on the invitations that "your presence is the only gift we're requesting" or something to that effect. Honestly, I see nothing offensive in your plan.P.S. To the poster above (monicasomething) - no, it will not be a "real wedding". But nor does it have to be. We celebrate birthdays every year, not just on the day we actually emerge from the womb. Every celebration is exciting. If you could only celebrate the event during the time it was happening, there would be no birthday parties, anniversaries and Independence days. You get my drift. |
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PS
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:07 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| It's not wrong, but it is a little unusual. You're not getting married, you are reaffirming your marriage. There's no need to be walked down the aisle, because you are not being given away or walking into a new chapter in your life. You and your husband should walk in together, to show your committment to each other.I don't think attendants are appropriate. Dances are fine, you'd be dancing anyway.I don't really understand the need to have vow renewals. I know you want it to feel like a wedding, but it isn't, it's a renewal. I guess it's going to come down to how important it is for you to do things the way you want to. If you really don't care what others think, then do things the way you want. If you think it would bother you to have people saying to themselves "Why are we doing all of these things, they are already married"; then don't.And you will get gifts, whether you want them or not. I know I would be mortified if I went to an event like the one you're describing empty handed. |
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Promenadi
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 69
Location: Argentina
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:14 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| I see absolutely NOTHING wrong in what you are doing. You are having what you did not have the first time around. Whatever that entails-DO IT. Do not let ANYONE talk you out of it. Who is paying for this? You are. There ARE NO limits except your budget. You do not live your life by what others think and do, so do not plan your renewal that way either. |
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Pruwljakovuch
Joined: 30 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:21 am Post subject: Selfish to want semi-tradional ceremony for renewal, when we |
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| You Go girl. do it, plan what you want, have a blast and hopefully anybody who would be crazy enough to be offend by your love will stay home and not rain on your parade. |
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