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sparkleythings_4you9616
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 19
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 Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:35 pm Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Let your fiance stand up to them for you. They are being rude and taking advantage of you. If he's not standing up for you now then he never will. If his mother says anything about you being rude I would just say "Well she's stated she doesn't like me very much so I don't want to rub off on her kids by having to babysit them". |
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sparkleythings_4you6555
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:44 pm Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| i understand your concern, but you're really not officially in the family, yet, so i also see the sister in law's side. i dont really buy the idea she does not like you or else she would not ask you to watch her kids. you know, i would just try to have a good attitude about it and if she asks you to carry the punch bowl one mile, then you carry 2 miles for her, smiling all the way. you will be better off in the end because your heart will be right. just take a deep breath and get thru it, ok. it will be over soon. |
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SpellCheck
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:53 pm Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Sounds like both her mother and the sister have an issue with you to be honest. How rude to expect you to do all the background stuff, look after her kids etc and then criticise you and accuse you of being jealous over dates. Crikey, I know weddings cause problems in families but this sounds ridiculous! Just say NO! |
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spankingluvr4u2004
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:01 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Been there, done that.My cousin assigned MOH to her sister (which was proper) but I got all the work. I went dress shopping, flower shopping, helped with making everything (it was all DIY). You name it and I did it. The night before the wedding I got 4 hours of sleep and the bride and MOH got 9 hours.By the time the wedding got there, I was miserable. So tired I just wanted to drop where I was standing. Never even got a thank you.Tell her as the arrangements for the parties are traditionally done by the ladies of the wedding party, you do not wish to step on any toes. As for the babysitting, that is just bad form on her part. Tell her that you expect to be busy with your own fiance and offer to help her find a reliable babysitter. |
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spencer
Joined: 27 Dec 2006
Posts: 12
Location: Baltimore, MD
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:10 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| she's using you. |
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SpeagsQueuesk
Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 11
Location: Gibraltar
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| OHHH HELL NOOO! You need to stand up for yourself now it make it clear your not a fu*king doormat otherwise you'll be getting walked on by these people for the rest of your life! |
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sparkleythings_4you5141
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:27 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| tell her politely that as much as you would like to help, you're too busy with your own weding plans to be of much help to her. as far as watching her kids during the wedding /reception...tell her a friendly but polite no....you are a guest, not a babysitter and should not be treated as such.....suggest she invite/pay a baby sitter just for that purpose...I did when I was my sister's MOH...my ex and I payed for the sitter's meal and she minded my then 11 month old at the reception 'till after dinner, when my ex drove them both to our home and returned to the reception....and we brought the sitter an extra large slice of wedding cake to eat when I got home...she said she wished she had more baby sitting jobs like that! lol....then vagely mention that you're considering an adult only reception since you don't want your guests stuck with chasing after kids and missing out on all the wedding fun...if she's smart she'll understand the vague threat..if you are forced to babysit her children at her wedding, they will not be allowed to come to yours......get it? |
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SpankyJ
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:36 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Since it sounds like they are already against you, try to be the bigger person. Let the bride know that you will help where you can (for your family's sake), but DO NOT go out of your way.Good Luck! |
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sparkleythings_4you0522
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:45 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| I would politely thank your fiance's sister for wanting to include you in the preparations for the wedding. Then I would tell her you are terribly sorry but because you are planning your own wedding that you won't be able to help with the behind the scenes things. I would also tell her that since you will be attending her wedding with your fiance that it would be rude to him for you to act as the babysitter during the wedding and reception as that would leave him alone for the dances, eating, etc. |
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SpellCheck
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:53 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| just tell her you are too busy planning YOUR wedding, and then ask her to do crazy things for your wedding and when she freaks out just smile and say "oh i thought it was ok , because you asked me to do the same things" |
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Speafeeasette
Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 14
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Hi - I can be dense sometimes, but even I can see that your sister-in-law's behavior is selfish, manipulative, bitchy and rude - same for her mom. What a pair of users. I agree with all of the posters who said you need to nip this in the bud NOW, otherwise your sister-in-law and her mother will be wiping their feet on you forever. I know you want to be nice and get along, but this is not the time to be ruled by your desire to be liked - this woman and her mom will probably never like you - but you can make sure they at least RESPECT you and are courteous. So you need to put up your chin, brace your spine and be a woman and not a doormat.Be courteous, smile and do as most of the other posters here have advised - IN FRONT OF YOUR BROTHER AND YOUR PARENTS (this is important - you need them to witness you were nice - otherwise she will try and make trouble) - tell her that you appreciate her asking you to participate in the preparations for her wedding but you are busy with your own wedding preparations and, besides, traditionally this is something done by the wedding party, which in her case is fortunately large (7 bridesmaids, lots of helping hands), and you don't want to step on toes and you are sure with so many helping hands that she would not want to put such a heavy burden on you when you are almost overwhelmed as it is. Also tell her that you appreciate her faith in you, but you are not good with kids and don't feel comfortable baby sitting so you will not be able to baby sit her kids, also you want to be able to be present for your brother's special day and you're sure she wouldn't want to be so mean as to deprive you of that. Do NOT volunteer to help her find someone to babysit (unless you know at least two reliable, trustworthy people who are available and are concerned she will not make arrangements and then try to suck you in at the last minute - she sounds bitchy enough to try this).BE FIRM and BE DEFINITE and CLEAR that the answer is NO. AND DON'T WAIVER OR BUCKLE UNDER to guilt or persuasion later - hello, manipulation - and later for the guilt - there are plenty of people in the wedding party to take care of everything so there is NO reason YOU should be singled out, ESPECIALLY for the babysitting - no GOOD reason that is, just creepy manipulative ones stuffed full of ill will. Remember, be courteous and reasonable and smile - and do this in front of your brother and your parents BOTH.If your brother or parents talks to you separately, and if you have a good relationship with them, be honest about overhearing that she doesn't like you and be clear just how inappropriate it is for her to ask you to do all this work when she doesn't even want you in the wedding, be clear that you ARE full up with your own preparations and don't want to be overwhelmed - plus expecting you to baby sit and thus miss your brother's special day is just nasty. I have to ask - where is your brother in all this? Does he have any idea what a b**** this girl is? My bro hooked up with a few like this, but fortunately the one he married is nice. I have a good relationship with my bro, so I've always been honest with him when I didn't like one of his girlfriends and exactly why - probably too late to say anything in this case. But I've got to tell you, I don't think this marriage is going to last - this girl and her mom sound like bad news.God bless you and Good Luck. |
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sparkleythings_4you9099
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:11 am Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he |
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| Start as you mean to go on. If you act like a doormat now do you think they will treat you any different later? You are not obliged to her in any way. You should certainly say 'no' firmly to looking after her kids during the wedding and reception. A babysitter is the ideal solution. Be polite but be firm. |
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