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Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he
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Spanky



Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 11

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:26 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
My fiance's sister wants me to help her with her wedding and all the parties and I am not in it! She told her other sister she does not like me very much and has 7 bridesmaids to help her! But she keeps asking me to help her maid of honor (who is not her sister) to help with the bach. party and shower! And she wants me to watch her kids during the wedding and at the reception!! And her mother thinks that I am being rude, and jelous because she is getting married before me!HELP! What should I do or say? I dont want to start on bad terms with my soon to be family, but I am ready to blow up on them!
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SpankyJ



Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:34 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
why dont you just be upfront about it all? go up to her and say: why would you want my help if you dont even like me to begin with? and if you dont want to watch her kids how about you 'suggest' a babysitter...say you're real bad with kids or something... you could calmly explain all of this...make sure no one yells though
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sparkle00999



Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:43 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Simply tell her you are already busy. If she had asked you to be maid of honor, you might have cleared your schedule. As a guest, you're happy to be invited and happy to attend. Period.
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SpankyJ4240



Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 14

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:52 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
so is this person ur fiances sister?or ur brothers fiance?im confused.maybe she wants u to feel included..maybe she had a hard time picking her bridesmaids and wants to include u too even though u arent a bridesmaid..if u feel u are being taken advantage of..just simply tell her NO u have alot goin on
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sparkleythings_4you6555



Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:00 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Your SIL is the one who is being rude. You are not required to help with any of the pre-wedding parties. And you are definitely not required to watch other people's children! I'm sorry, I love kids but I cannot stand when people just pawn them off on someone else. Just say no! Be as calm as you can. If you give in, that will set the tone for the rest of your relationships with your in-laws.
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spasiargy



Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 10
Location: ZW
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:09 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
I would be ticked off about the kids. She needs to hire a babysitter because she's effectively cutting you out of the reception entirely. That's just plain CHEAP and really sounds like she's not wanting you at the reception. You've got to tell her something or you'll be walked all over like a doormat. Maybe tell her you don't feel it's your place to help out with parties, etc. because you're not in the wedding party and you "wouldn't want to get in the way." With the kids, definitely tell her that you can't be a babysitter when you're all dressed up for her wedding and that you'd miss out on the celebration. Man, I'm steamed for you about being assigned babysitter. That's a really rude bride!
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spammerz85



Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:18 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Of course your in it if you help her plan everything, in fact more so than any one else.You should feel honored, and shall receive more praise than you even realize, if she asked you you should accept. She is placing all her trust in you. go for it youshall not be sorry andwill become very , very close.
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sparkleythings_4you1036



Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:26 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Be honest and up-front with her now, otherwise, it'll get harder as time goes on. Tell her that your feelings are hurt because you were not included in the wedding, however, you are doing all the duties of a bridesmaid and that she doesn't even like you. Ask her why she doesn't like you or if you did anything to her.Are you even invited to the wedding? I only ask because she wants to you watch her kids during the wedding and reception and I find that a little rude and inconsiderate if you are a guest.
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SpeagsQueuesk



Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 11
Location: Gibraltar
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:35 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Here are some suggestions:1. Be honest with her. Tell her you don't understand why she would even think you would watch her children since you know she doesn't like you.2. Tell her you don't want to get off to a bad start, but you want to enjoy your brother's wedding and don't want to be burdened by her children. Tell her you appreciate her trying to involve you, but you'll pass.3. Suggest that she give the responsibility of finding someone to watch the kids to the maid of honor. She's the one the bride chose to help her with the wedding arrangements.Whatever you decide to do, check your attitude and be sure nothing you do or say can be taken as jealousy. Even if you are jealous, keep it under wraps. Let her look like the bad girl in all of this. And remember to consider your brother's feelings, too.
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Speersloomo



Joined: 05 Feb 2008
Posts: 17
Location: Thailand
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:44 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
if you let them decide for you before your even in the family, you'll continue being their stepping stone through lout like.just show them your backbone before you become a part of the family.tell them NO your not into it. they can find a babysitter elsewhere!
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sparkleythings_4you9616



Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:52 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
Why does the mother think your being rude? Have you said something dnarky, rolled your eyes etc........those kind of comments usually just don't come out of thin air HOWEVER that doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel like that (I just mean sometimes our facial expressions tell more than we let on!!)That being said, I think she might be doing some of this to make you feel included and part of everything which if it is the case, she obivously trusts your opinion on these matters.Don't stir the pot with a whole big discussion, it makes her stressed and you looking like your jealous - even though your not, it will appear that way.Help when you can, tell her your busy when you are.
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sparkleythings_4you5141



Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:01 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
I dont think that you should help your SIL. Not because she didnt ask you to be in the wedding, but simply because she has 7 other bridesmaids to help her. That is their job after all. As for her kids, she shouldnt be asking you to be their babsitter. If she needs one for that day she should hire them. Dont listen to anything anyone is saying about you not helpiing. You have reasons for feeling the way you do. Even though you may help your SIL she will never like you.
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sparkleythings_4you



Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 15

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:09 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
I would simply explain to her that your busy making your own wedding plans, and that your sure that the MOH and bridesmaids that SHE chose will do a great job for her, and that you wouldn't want to intrude on what is supposed to be a bonding time for her and her closest friends you know the ones that YOU chose to be IN your wedding? I would leave it at that. And I would simply and politely decline the invitation to watch her children, she had them before getting married its not your fault that she is doing things in the wrong order. If they are her FH's children as well then THEY can watch them, if they are from a previous marriage I would tell her to arrange for her EX to pick them up after the ceremony to be watched. I would think that your fiance would be able to communicate what I'm assuming is both of your wishes on this point about the children, you shouldn't even be involved in this conversation... let him grow a pair and tell his family whats what.
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sparkleythings_4you6582



Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:18 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
She may not like you very much, but it sounds like she respects your skills. Instead of all of this backbiting and gossip, tell her that if she doesn't like you, you don't want to cast a pall on her big day. Do this in front of the mother, the sister, everyone. It sounds like she's perfectly willing to use you as an errand girl and babysitter because she knows you want to get along with the family. Holding all of this back is already starting off on bad terms. Decide if you're going to let them walk all over you for the next twenty years.
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sparkleythings_4you0390



Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:27 pm    Post subject: Soon to be sister in-law (fiance's) wants me to help with he Reply with quote
I'm assuming that you're invited, but not a bridesmaid. People need a lot of help with their weddings, and not everyone who helps can be a bridesmaid. If you have a good relationship with the kids, it could be a nice thing to have them at your table during the reception. But if you don't really know them well, it sounds like she's just using you.Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to stop it without ending up on bad terms with the family. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt: maybe she's trying to be nice by including you in other ways, and doesn't realise that you don't want to do all that. If you feel you're being given too much to do, tell her politely that you're glad to help (even if you're not) but you're not sure you can manage all of that. Then suggest which tasks you'd be willing to do, and which you will have to take off the list. Whatever your thoughts on her, show up at the wedding, SMILE, congratulate her and be polite. Think of it as an investment in your future family life (it's ok to secretly be glad that you are marrying her brother, not her). The last thing you need is an angry sister-in-law at your own wedding.
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