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FallingUpwardsemoness
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 30
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 Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:21 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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I have a huge list, but a lot of it is "and guest" for the single folks. I don't see any reason why we should have to invite the "and guest." Is that rude? What do we do if the single people bring a guest anyway? Isn't it rude for them to bring a guest if they were invited alone? Isn't it really rude to expect us to find food for them?I really want to cut the "and guest" portion because it drops our list from 315 to 230. To me, that's a lot of money saved for my parents who are having a hard enough time with the cost of the reception (what they are paying for).What do you think?Between cutting people I want there and cutting the "and guest" . . . I'd chose the people I want there. Everyone on our list knows someone else. Trust me.http://weddings.about.com/od/getorganized/a/StartGuestList.htmI've found my answer, but I'm still curious what others think:"Who is absolutely not welcome? Now is also a good time to discuss ground rules. If you're uncomfortable with ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends coming, even if your fiancé is on friendly terms with them, speak up now. Other persona non grata may include:-- children -- guest for the single people (something that can really up your costs) -- people who tend to drink too much, especially if you're not close to them anyway -- business acquaintances -- those who one of you is estranged fromThis may sound mean, but if people refuse to attend my wedding because I didn't put "and guest" on the list, I think we're better off without them there anyway. How petty.Sarah TTC: I completely agree with you! Now, I will invite someone's significant other if they are married or have been together for a long time. But why should I automatically invite an "and guest" if I don't even know if the person has someone they want to bring? Why should my parents be expected to pay for someone's potential date?And for whoever said the wedding wasn't just us . . . I asked another question about that.Yeah, I'm an aggressive and blunt person. Oh well. :)weirdiscomplimentary: FANTASTIC answer. Thank you!OK, I'm done with details.  |
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Fanthony
Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 38
Location: usa
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:28 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| its rude of you to NOT invite "and guest"what if that one person doesnt know many people, who are they supposed to talk to, dance with, spend time with...if your so worried about money, then cut your list but still allow people to bring a guest.. i wouldnt go to a wedding by myself.. |
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Fasetmcmvf
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 22
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:36 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| It's not required to let them invite an "And guest". Gently let them know that you are on a strict budget and that you cannot handle it. You would like them to be at the wedding but if they require a guest, you can't accomodate their guest. |
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fakeblond475
Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:43 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| You will find that most people do not RSVP and that they bring who they want to bring even if you do not include and guest! |
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Farrelspot
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 21
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:50 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| I think you are rude |
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Farrelspot
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 21
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:57 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| Well, if you don't put "and guest" on the invitation you are going to need to be prepared for people to rsvp for 2 people; or just bring a guest with them thinking that the guest is invited. Also-you have to figure that no one likes to go to weddings alone...so if you decide to leave the "and guest" out then don't find it surprising when these people don't attend your wedding. The best thing to do is try to cut some people off the list...you will find that you will get a lot less headaches this way. You don't have to worrying about people rsvping for 2 or bringing a date without telling you, or calling you up asking you why they can't bring a date, etc. |
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fakeblond475
Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:05 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| I agree with you to some extent. But, this is a touchy subject.If you have single friends that have been in a relationship for less then 6-12 months, then it's perfectly acceptable to not invite them with "and guest" Also, if your friends aren't dating anyone period, then they don't need a guest either. However, there are expect-ions to this rule. If you have a single co-worker and you are not inviting anyone else from the office, let them bring a guest. They might be uncomfortable sitting at a table with people they don't know at all. A date would ease that. Also, say you invite 6 college friends and they don't have boyfriends/girlfriends, make sure to sit them all together. If a group of people know each other, then not having a date is not a big deal. REMEMBER:If a friend is engaged, living with someone, or married they MUST be invited. It would be extremely rude not to acknowledge their serious relationship.Also, if a friend has been in a serious relationship for 1+ year, you should invite them. Just because two people aren't married, engaged or living together; it doesn't mean their commitment or their relationship isn't as serious or valid.I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We plan on getting married someday, but the timing is just not right now. I would be offended if I was not invited "as guest". Just because we aren't married, does not mean we don't have a serious commitment. If you love your friends/family, you will acknowledge their important, serious and long-term relationships. My best advice is to cut carefully. Look at each guest individual, you can't just cut all "and guests" In some cases, you might be cutting long time boyfriends/girlfriends, engaged people, married couples, etc. If you are unsure of someone's relationship, make a point to ask. If you can't remember how long your cousin has been dating his girlfriend, ask someone. It's better then cutting them and then finding out they've been together for 5 years and living together for 2. |
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Fasetmcmvf
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 22
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:12 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| You need to cut down your guest list to a manageable size. |
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fancypants
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:19 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| And guest is for long-term couples who are not married. For example my husband and I were together for 8 years before we were married so when we had various friend's weddings to go to we would have been insulted if one had been invited and not the other.However, not every single guest has to have a date. You aren't required to invite your cousin's boyfriend whom she met a week ago.It is very rude to bring a person who was not specifically invited as listed on the invitation. We had quite a bit of this where we invited Mr and Mrs X and they RSVP'd for Mr and Mrs. X and their three kids and two of the kids' boyfriend/girlfriends. You have to tell them NO.The people invited are the people stated on the envelope. Be firm about this and if you get back RSVPs you'll have to tell them, "We apologize, but we don't have a place for X, Y, and Z. That was why they were not invited. We are sorry but they won't have a seat if they come."If they show up anyway, you just have to remind them (or one of your attendants can do this- you'll be too busy) they were not on the guest list so we're sorry but there's no space for thm." They'll have to figure it out after that.Don't stress too much. Remind yourself it's just one day. And trust me, it's over in a flash! |
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Farrelspot
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 21
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:26 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| Set guidelines for "and guest." When we did invitations, if we knew that you were in a serious relationship we invited you with "and guest" others we didn't. Adding someone with a guest can get pretty costly, so setting a guideline is helpful--only invite "and guest" if you know they are in serious relationships...if you are inviting younger people, only invite with "and guest" if they are a certain age, etc....You'll naturally still get people who weren't invited with a guest to bring a guest, but doing this will still cut down your list.Good luck! |
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fancypants
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:34 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| I am never offended by an invite that does not include "and guest". I intend to include only single guests and not "and guest" |
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fanaticsep
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 27
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:41 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| I say the "and guest" portion is out of courtesy, if you are inviting single friends who are very close to you, they should see how personal and intimate this moment is for you and your parents and not bring someone who has not been a part of your life and relationship. Yes, it would look "tacky" to not include the "and guest" but it would also be rude for your close friends to bring someone you don't know... I would say spread the word, have your attendants (bridesmaids) talk about this "and guest" deal and express your wish among your friends and family. Hope that helps! Good luck to you and congratulations. |
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falcon
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:48 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| If you do not include "and guest" on the invitation then it would not be proper for them to bring someone but I personally wouldn't like that very much. For some reason, you sound like you have a sense of entitlement thinking people are going to expect you to find food for them?Your wedding is not just about you. You are asking your friends to be there in support of you and your future and you are also asking them to buy you gifts, set aside their time for your wedding date, drive to the wedding (by themselves), possibly buy a new dress to attend, etc. etc. and then you think it's rude of THEM to want some company? It doesn't matter if they all know each other. You should at least give them the option. What if they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend that they would like to introduce to their friends and spend a fun day with? |
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fancypants
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:55 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| I've done the no guest thing on single invites...If they dont like it toughOne of my colleagues moaned cos her husband wasnt on her invite... even after shes listened to my trials and tribulations of budgeting and lack of space/numbers for reception. I've never even met her husband!! I only invited 5 out of 32 colleagues for the same reason. they can all sit together and none have and guest on their invites.I didnt feel harsh when i re explained this to her!The way i look at it... its quality not quantity... and i'm not spending our hard earned cash on feeding of the five thousand. Money worries are not a good way to start married life.Do what you need to do. |
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falcon
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:03 am Post subject: What to do with wedding guest list . . .? |
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| We told our friends that unless thy are in a serious relationship, they don't get a gues. It is really simple I can either afford 20 friends with guests or 40 friends without. All of them are cool with it. we just are calling them and giving warning |
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