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PIOPYEMOWLYsg5h
Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Antigua and Barbuda
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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 6:03 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| Why do brides expect so much out of their attendants? They expect them to pay for their own attire, plan the bridal shower(s) (which cost a LOT to throw), plan the bachelorette party (another big expense)...and then expect them to bring a nice gift to the wedding?Why are some brides so greedy? I find this practice of running your friends dry very rude. We chose 2 attendants: our best man is our best guy friend and our maid of honor is my fiance's sister and my best friend. We are paying for their attire up to $75 and I don't even expect a gift from them after all the work they're doing.Some of the brides I see on here are VERY rude and very disrespectful to these people they call friends.nova_queen_28: You're one of the better brides out there. Good for you!BTW, I'm NOT a millionaire. Our wedding budget is $2000, including the attendants' attire, wedding rings, honeymoon, the whole shabang.Ashley: I meant SOME brides...not all. Too late to rephrase the question now.BTW, my fiance and I are sharing the bills for the wedding 100%. There's no "I'm buying this and you're buying that"...it's all "We're buying this together."Thanks to all of the wonderful brides who've answered so far. You all sound like wonderful people! :)Okay, except for Julie D. You just sound stupid.AussieLady 58: I think that it's just a stupid tradition perpetuated by the wedding industry. Brides get to see all these "nice dresses" that match so perfectly with names made up by David's Bridal (like Pool...whatever happened to aquamarine?) and then they tell their maids to buy them. The average bridesmaid dress used to be about $75. Now, it's about $150. That's a ridiculous amount of money for an unmarried woman to have to pay. That's 3 weeks of groceries for me!Okay everyone: I am going to be in a wedding this summer (in addition to my own, of course) and the bride just told us the color dress to buy and let us run wild. I think that's a good way to go instead of forcing your attendants to buy $200+ dresses. I've seen that OVER and OVER and OVER on Y!A, theknot.com, brides.com, etc. I think that is terribly rude and very inconsiderate.I think that it's fine to have your attendants buy their attire, but I think it's VERY RUDE to expect them to buy that PLUS all the other things that are expected of them these days. |
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Phancesen
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
Location: World
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I am asking my girls to pay for their dresses/shoes, but thats it. I don't expect anything else.If I was a millionairre, I would absolutely pay for their stuff, but I'm not and trying to keep within budget means I need them to pay for their outfits if they would like to accept my request that they be in the wedding.I do see alot of "they're not supportive" comments and wonder if the brides were expecting free wedding planners or something. |
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Raillaprionyzi
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Location: World
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 6:49 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| i agree the couple getting married should pay for the attire, who wants to spend a that money,its not their wedding. |
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outkast
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 7:12 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I agree...we paid for all the tuxes and dresses for all involved...I think it sucks to be asked to be in a wedding and then have to fork out a small fortune for a dress that YOU didn't pick out that YOU are never going to wear again...some brides don't understand that. It puts unneccessary pressure on the wedding party and you are right about all the extra monies they have to put out for parties. I do not think it is necessary for the bridal party to give a gift either...Enough is enough. |
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nytshad
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 7:34 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| well not al bride are that way... when they say yes to being a maid of honor...or brides maids they know what that role intitles.. now i am paying for my girls hair and make up. they are buying their own dresses... i also pitched in on all the expences for the bridal shower and bachelorette party.. so if you are going to make a statement like this say "why do SOME brides make their attendans pay " also it does not make them greedy. thats lke saying why did you HTB ask you to marry him and then make you buy your wedding dress and help pay for the wedding.edit and my girls picked out their own dresses. i didnt pick out a dress and say ok you have to buy this.. i told them i want it floor legnth and pool ..they went from thereedit: i think some brides are just bitchy and expect everyone to kiss their arse during planning.. working at a bridal shop as show me alot of those brides... and thats why i am not like that |
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Rasputin
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| It's not that we MAKE them, it's just tradition. There are some brides who want to pay for their 'maids dresses. However, since I have 7 'maids, I am not one of them...hehehe! I am having a luncheon the day we go to get our dresses though, I just want to show them that I am appreciative! |
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RachelC
Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:20 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| when me and my husband got married,i asked my cousin to be bridesmaid and my husband's brother was best man.His brother in-law was usher and we paid for all of their outfits and i treated my cousin to get her hair and make-up done.We did'nt expect any extravagant presents from them or the rest of our family and guests,we were very happy with what we received from them.My cousin did'nt really throw a party for me,we just had a night drinking up the town with some of my friends,we all put money in for a drink kitty, and my husband did'nt even have a stag do because he does'nt drink. I think some brides are greedy maybe because of the way they've been brought up or they've been watching the wedding channels too much and getting way ahead of themselves. Getting married is supposed to be a celebration of a couples love and spending the rest of their lives together,but i think some couples are getting too greedy and think more about all the lavish gifts rather than what getting married actually means. |
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nxjxuyzhuy
Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 23
Location: ca
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| You sound bitter . . . |
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OrieriWediuby
Joined: 14 Feb 2008
Posts: 1
Location: France
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| The duties of the bridal attendants include all you have listed see :http://www.wedding-guide.org/bmduties.aspAlthough you are quite right in saying all of this is expensive .You may choose to pay for anything and everything yourself.You may also choose to tell any of your attendants you do not expect them to pay for their attire or you do not wish them to bring a gift.That is your choice! |
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Q-mama
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:29 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I see nothing wrong with the attendants paying for the attire, both from the bride's perceptive and as a member of the bridal party.Personally, until recently, I've never heard of the bride paying for the attire of her attendants. From my understanding, it's always been their responsibility.It makes sense to me. After all, once you wear the dress and get the shoes, they are your forever. Even if you can't really wear them again, that is now your property. So, is it really all the far to expect someone to pay for your dress (that's like $100), plus your shoes, your hair and whatever else. That's a bit selfish for the bridesmaid (if they expect that) not the bride. So, why on earth would you expect a bride to pay for something like that, if you get to keep it in the end.One becomes a member of a bridal party, because they care deeply about their friend. Not, so that they can play dress up at the bride and groom's expense.I fully plan to have my attendants pay for their own attire. I don't have a lot of money. If they have an issue with this, then they care more about money, then our friendship. I plan on keeping everything affordable, so if money is such and issue, I'd rather not have them in my party (unless they truly can't afford)I also have no problem paying for my own attire when I'm a bridesmaid. |
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Perincala
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Ukraine
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I wouldn't call that greedy. I have been in 5 weddings and for each wedding, I was responsible for EACH of my dresses. All of them were well over $100 except for one, which the bride bought all of them from a lady who called off her wedding (all 3 for $150). I've never worn any of them again. I was honored to be in each wedding and would never take any of it back. As for the bachelorette party, I have never been the maid of honor so I did not have to contribute to that, but for each shower, we all split everything equally. Being in each wedding, I gave a smaller gift as I was younger (early 20's) and did not have a lot of money. I think it's great that you are willing to help out and help pay for their attire, but I don't think its something you "have" to do. If one of my bridesmaids is having money problems, I wouldn't have a problem with helping her out, but when they commit to being in your big day, most of them know what they are getting into. Maybe that's just how it's been when I've been in weddings, but no one I know has paid for anything in the ways of what we were wearing. I just recently got engaged and we are starting to work things out about, who, when, where, and how. Good Luck! |
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phd1066
Joined: 25 Jan 2008
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 10:14 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| isnt this what they're supposed to do? thats part of being in a wedding. every bridal party member knows this and none of mine have a problem.. its their dress, shoes, etc. once the weddings over anyway.. plus its just how its always been.. the party thing though.. a lot of brides want these showers but the bridal party is NOT expected to pay for it.. if they cant or dont want to pay.. the bride either has an aunt or antoher family member pay for it.. or she doesnt have a shower at all.... most of my bridal party isnt helping much anyway just my MOH.. the other two get their fittings and thats all they help with. anyway even i know if im invited to be in a wedding i have to pay my own way.. when you go to a wedding you pay for your own dress or outfit dont you? and then you bring the nice gift.. and then at the shower you bring a gift too... does this make sense at all to you? this is just the way things are. |
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ronaldonali
Joined: 03 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 10:37 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I agree that attendants are traditionally expected to put out what I consider too great an outlay of time and money. Rather than put anyone out, my fiance and I are not having ANY attendants.But I would not be so quick to label a bride "greedy" just b/c she's having attendants pay for their own attire and expects traditional roles from them. Attendants voluntarily choose to be in weddings. They're free to say no. And in some families and circles of friends, the same folks are attendants in each others weddings. And I'm not sure most brides are expecting a "nice gift" from their attendants or any gift at all.Ms. X (a real greedy bride, huh?) |
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rickinnocal
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:00 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| There are brides who are disrespectful and rude but there's nothing extraordinary about a bride expecting her attendants to pay for their own attire and a gift for the couple. A popular misconception is that the bride pays for everything and that simply isn't true. There are traditions that dictate who pays for what and it's up to you whether you follow them. But don't get angry at those who abide by them. A popular saying in this forum is "do what makes you happy." If paying for your attendants is what makes you happy -- so be it. |
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NikiieD
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: Why do brides make their attendants pay for their attire AND |
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| I don't think any BM is FORCED into participating, as you seem to imply. I've agreed to be a BM several times, each time understanding full well it was an expensive YES I was saying. I don't find it greedy or rude in the least. If someone asks me to be in her wedding, and I don't think I can swing it, I simply say, I'd love to, but I just can't afford it right now. I was MOH for my cousin earlier this year, and I did spend alot of money, but it was my choice to do so. If I had any qualms about it at all, I would have said so. Nobody should accept the invitation to be a BM, then complain about the associated duties and costs. We aren't having any bridal party, but that decision had nothing to do with money--mine or theirs. We simply didn't feel having a bridal party made any sense for us, and so we aren't having one.You seem awfully resentful about the whole thing. Just say no if someone asks you, end of story. |
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