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jmartinsgal
Joined: 11 Jan 2008
Posts: 37
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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Please read: If you aren't sympathetic, you might at least get a good laugh.We got engaged and I spent months looking at dresses and books for the wedding. My fiance was in boot camp then. He came home (he had too many panic attacks) and got a marriage license just a little while later. He said that he didn't want a big wedding, but I did. Anytime I talked about the dresses I wanted or the cake..whatever, he would say "We can talk about it later" Well, we only had a month until the license ran out. It came down to it, and I said something about how we were going to have to get another license and he said that we weren't paying another $100 for one, so we needed to just do it. I was really upset, but I just said fine. We got married the next morning after church on Father's Day 2005. The night before he called everyone but my family was four hours away and they couldn't come on such short notice. NONE of my family was there. I didn't have a white dress, so he took me to the mall.I couldn't find anything he like liked so I just said forget it, and wore a black and white dress I had. We got ready and his aunt came out with this horrid plastic bouquet that she had used in the 80s and his grandfather, whom I'd only known for a few months, walked me down the isle. His father married us, and that was it. After, we went to his Aunts and they had bought us a cake at Food City. It had "Congratulations" with our names on it, and they spelled my name wrong! I was so embarrassed. Well, we left and I wondered if he had anything special planned for the afternoon since we didn't do anything big for the wedding, and he took me over to his cousins. We sat there and they played Halo. I sat outside crying. After, we went home. I didn't want him to know how upset I was, so I went in the bathroom..I was still crying and he came in and I explained to him that WE JUST GOT MARRIED! and we were sitting at home like nothing happened. He apologized and suggested that we go get a PIZZA!Now, let me tell you..we aren't dirt poor or anything... we have money and could have had a great wedding.. he just didn't want to invest any effort and kept putting it off until I was so discouraged I just didn't want to fight with him about it. I just can't get over it, though. It was supposed to be the best day of my life, the day I had dreamed about since I was little, and it was awful. I didn't have any say about anything, and I was so embarrassed. The worst part is that if we're watching a wedding on tv or go to one, I get upset and he gets mad like I shouldn't care. He says I blow it out of proportion and that it wasn't THAT bad. MY NAME WAS SPELLED WRONG ON MY WEDDING CAKE...SOMEPLACE MY NAME SHOULD NEVER BE IN THE FIRST PLACE and I don't have a wedding video. How do I make him understand that? I want to have a ceremony on our fifth anniversary and write our own vows, but he says no.. why can't he understand how important this is to me? |
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jmckhobbs
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:00 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Men usually don't have the same point of view on a wedding. they see it as another day. I would renew my vows and have a big wedding and tell him if he doesn't like it to find another bride! Sorry. |
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jmd72inva
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:42 pm Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Kayla...your story is sad and funny! I am getting married again with my husband for the second time and we will do it our way! Our first wedding was to please our families, this time it will be for us! I suggest you do the same! Do what ever it pleases you! Make your wedding day a happy day to remember! Enough with all that stupid things, go for it girl! Your husband should think about your happiness and l am sure he will enjoy it too, you will have your friends and family with you, you will eat lovely food, you will have a descent reception! That's great! I think you know best how to talk with your husband and girl...you are woman...use your female mind to achieve what best pleases you both! |
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jmada05
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 12:23 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Maybe by your 5th anniversary he will. Until the time gets near let it be, focus on your marriage and hopefully he'll understand the importance of the ceremony with friends and family.We had a beautiful wedding - I waited until I was 38 before I got married - yes, waited for Mr. right. We just celebrated our 10th Anniversary on Valentines Day. We planned for the past year to have a nice celebration and renew our vows, we had all kinds of plans and as the day got closer and closer the plans got fewer and fewer and then the night we were supposed to have the celebration turned into a "get away" night for the two of us and then to my surprise he invites his buddy from work (he claims he was just joking he didn't think he'd show up)! Not only did THEY show up drunk no less - yeah he brought his wife! My hubby canceled our romantic dinner, and the whole evening was shot! I was pissed and he can never give me that day back. |
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jmada05
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| OMG!!!! you poor thing.. i have absolutely no words for this situation, because if this is as tru as i believe it is, OMG!!! how could you marry him like that?!!! even when you tell me how much you love him and he's a wonderful man and all the great things, who really does this kinda stuff? who asked him to get the marriage license so quickly in the first place?!!! this story is too wierd, and i am very nervous that you are going to regret this decision terribly in the long run, even if you do get ur big 5 year anniversary... unless he was going off to iraq, which i gather he didn't since he panicked in boot camp, i see no reason for such a shotgun wedding... my heart goes out to you.,. i'm sorry i couldn't have been more help, but i am totally at a loss for words |
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jmada05
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Men are simple creatures. They don't get caught up in the things we women consider normal. With that said, I want to tell you about my wedding day. I was engaged to my husband for 3 years. I wanted a big "to do", he didn't. I ended up pregnant, so our wedding was a big rush due to insurance purposes. We married on a Wednesday, during a blizzard. It was a b**** to even get to the courthouse, and the only family to show up was my Dad.... due to the weather. We were broke, and I was 3 months pregnant, so I had to wear the ONLY dress that fit me. It was black. We were married by a divorce judge. We had a dinner reception planned, and less than half of our guests were able to make it because of the weather. We rented a romantic suite for the night. The jacuzzi made us both sick, we couldn't go anywhere because of the blizzard, and my husband ended up passing out by 11PM. I layed awake listening to the only crappy radio station I could tune in. IT was AWFUL..... but 3 years later, we have a beautiful little boy, and he is the light of our lives. We love each other even more than we did then, and we both realize that our wedding day may not have been all that impressive to others, but it joined us for life, and we love each other more everyday. That's all that matters. Good luck to you. |
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JM8758
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:27 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| ja,ja,ja...ok..sorry...yeah...got a good laugh....and...well....sorry to break it to you !!!..but it is obvious to me...that you chose a wrong life partner....and ...with all due respect....and I hope that I be wrong....but I doubt that I'll be wrong....you guys will split in a matter of years...from what I saw on your relationship..of what you mentioned......and well..if it makes you feel any better ..for sure ...you are not the only one!!! who got on this messed upsituation....good luck !!!....you can always fix it...by not doing the mistake again.....when you guys split...you'll know what I mean. |
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JM9761
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:08 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| What is really important is that you love and care for each other. I saw an exact reverse experience of your marriage in my cousin. The girl wanted a big wedding just like a wish from Ginny. My cousin- the guy agreed about it and he even made it grander as expected.The girl was happy and been famous with girlfriends, relatives and family. After a year the girl met a guy who can't even afford an apartment and went with him.For the guys point of view big weddings seem like only for show offs. I could understand how your hubby feels, he has many ifs in his head . He would rather think you marry him because you really love him and not for the "lavish preparation of the wedding to be noticed of". I guess on your silver anniversary or even after five years of your marriage he would be the one who would initiate another wedding with you and give you the wedding that you've been dreamin of . |
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JM9761
Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:50 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Sweetie I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I don't know how old you are or how long you went out with him, but if he doesn't "get" you sweetie, maybe you shouldn't be with a man that doesn't consider your feelings. I'm not a girl that has dreamed of my wedding my whole life but I do know that I want the day that we are joined together in marriage to be very special for both of us and my fiance feels the same way. A man that truly loves a women will take her feelings into consideration and often put them first, that's what makes him a man. Good luck sweetie! Someone who truly loves you won't dismiss your feelings. |
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jmd72inva
Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:31 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Look....you had a choice. You could get married the way you did or you could have just told him no that you would not marry him that way. You made the decision...to go along with it...so why do you keep bringing it up and want him to suffer? It was YOU who did it. Not him. He said what he wanted...you said what you wanted...but you were so afraid he would not marry you that you grabbed whatever you could! Your decision is what put you where you are right now! You got married for all the wrong reasons and now you, as so many needy women do, regret your decision. Either let it go or leave him. You are being ridiculous! Stop trying to make him suffer for the decision you made. |
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jmclaughlin07
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 41
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:12 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Sorry, but my sympathies are with your husband. i've never been able to see the point of big weddings either, and in fact my husband and I had a bigger one than I wanted really because he wanted to invite a lot of friends and relatives etc. When my parents got married in 1947, they it was just them and their two witnesses, and they went out to lunch together afterwards. That has always sounded like the ideal wedding to me.As for writing your own vows, oh no, I always find those vows painfully embarrassing whenever I hear them, on TV or whatever. They always spout such slush. if you must get married again, stick to the traditonal vows, which at least have a bit of dignity about them. |
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jmc24
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:54 am Post subject: Why doesn't my husband understand how important not having a |
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| Iam sorry that it was so bad for you. Men dont have the same outlook on a wedding however I had a big white wedding my husband is so laid back he was happy for me to do it and just let him know what he was wearing etc. Your wedding should be the best day of your life, mine was and my husband will also agree. Your husband sounds very selfish and is not at all bothered about your feelings, are you sure he is the right man for you, you sound like a lovely person who could do so much better and find someone who wants what you want and who will but your feeling and wishes first. Good luck |
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